Dear Bianca - A Life Advice Column

[Urahra 5777]

 

 

To the Lovelorn and Loveless of Oren –

 

When we speak about love, it’s oft portrayed as beyond language. Even those immersed in the passionate throes of romance lack the vocabulary to describe it. “When you know, you know,” is what all the grown-ups say. Love is a formless thing. Just when you think you’ve grasped it, it takes new shape and slips through your fingers. But the very thing that makes love so wonderful is also the thing that makes it so very, very frustrating.

 

There’s no real guide to love. All we can do is read novels, watch plays, and hope to find some glimmer of resemblance between those fictional situations and our own. We might consult our friends for advice, but often times they are just as clueless as we are. Our elders are full of impractical, unhelpful platitudes that never seem to apply. Where, then, are the young lovers of Arcas meant to turn when they find a stumbling block on their path? 

 

To me, obviously.

 

My name is Bianca La Fleur. I am an author, a poet, a playwright, and a historian. My dramas filled with love and longing have enraptured the stage. I’m a woman with a fair amount of life experience and I should love to offer you my wisdom in your hour of need. 

 

In the near future, I will be publishing an advice column in the upcoming edition of the Helena Herald. But before I may begin dispensing my advice to the masses, I need your letters. Are you trapped in a difficult situation with no idea what choice to make next? I want to hear from you.

 

No matter the circumstances, I am happy to write back with my particular brand of practical, intelligent, and – most of all – implementable advice. You’ll find no empty banalities or stereotypical shibboleths in my writing. It is my solemn oath to speak bluntly and give only the most constructive and feasible of advice. You might ask – “Bianca, is your consultation purely romantic in nature?” And to that I reply – no, not at all! I’m delighted to weigh in on any issue that might be troubling you, though romance is my specialty.

 

The solution to your problem is just one letter away, so why wait?

 

You can write me anonymously at my residence, 2a Armas Street. Please endeavor to keep your letters short, to the point, and free of any identifying details. Be aware that they may be edited for clarity and succinctness before they are published. 

 

Looking forward to hearing from you!

 

Signed,

Bianca La Fleur

 

(Sponsored by the Public Square Newspaper run by J.D. Chapel & Associates)

 

 

 

[yopplwasupxxx 5946]

“Dear Bianca,

 

My wife and I have been married for twenty years now, but for the last five we have lived separately due to conflicting interests of ours. We have four daughters, ages 19, 16, 12, and 6 respectively. Though there are numerous issues culminating in this separation, the ‘straw that broke the camal’s back’, as it were, was our different beliefs on our career paths. As a professional solicitor, I wanted to move the family to Helena in order to increase my business load and exposure to the greater law community. My wife, on the other hand, is both a painter and a choir coordinator, and she preferred to stay in the Northland where she ran our local parish’s choir and a successful artisan company in ethnic Haeseni art. When we could not reach a compromise, we decided separation was the best move. The two eldest daughters came with me while the two youngest stayed with her, so as to not deprive both parents of their rights.

 

However, this pains me immensely. My youngests are still my children, and my eldest are still hers. While perhaps the puppy love of our youth is gone, I still care for her as both my most cherished companion and my sworn spouse. I want to make this work somehow, but I just don’t know what to do and how to approach the situation. What can I do?

 

From,

A Forlon Husband”

[garentoft 9265]

"Eja Bianca,

 

How do I make my hausen stop kissing a boy? I do niet think she should be kissing him because they are niet married.

 

Sincerely,

A concerned haunuv."

[argonian 14254]

“Dear Bianca, 

 

My wife has routinely been in agony from

How can I bring us more into synch to stop this? 

 

Sincerely, 

A Real Trooper.”

[NightOfTheWind 3226]

[!]
A rancid, flabby excuse for a chicken brought itself to its skinny legs to trudge itself through the elements of Arcas with a singular purpose – to deliver a missive to Bianca’s doorstep. A greasy envelope had found itself there, a scarlet seal of wax clasped upon its vessel – baring the initial of a singular letter; D.

“Dear Mister Bianca,
 

I was walking around Arcas with my wife, and we went into a cave and slayed a dragon I think. I can’t remember very well, but I know a dragon was there. I’m sitting next to him right now. I lost my wife. She didn’t die, I just can’t find her. I can’t find my wife. Where is she?

Signed,
Dark Dael, Lord of Edenia.”

[frill 2277]

Dear Bianca,

 

At my late 70s, I am growing old in my years on this mortal coil and my relationship with my wife is not as it used to be. Gone are the days that we would walk the cobbles of New Reza in the morning and be in eachothers’ arms by the evening, instead finding eachother both silent and asleep by 8pm sharp. Is there some arcane spell to re-discover this young love, and will my wife notice if I gave some to the young divorcee next door?

 

Sincerely,

 

A Sleepless Septuagenarian

[Urahra 5777]

OOC:

 

god y’all just can’t behave can you.

[Telanir 6975]

---

DeEr *smudged baked potato grease*

 

*the following words are marred by muddy stains & fingerprints*

Wot ef tater? – Bily

---

 

The puzzled farmer groans in surrender, he swears this is the last time he will ever try his hand at writing ever again. He encloses a freshly baked potato into the envelope and leaves it at the madame’s doorstep. Who can say what prompted him to write? After all, he can’t even read…

[LithiumSedai 5750]

[!] A raven soon arrived at Armas Street, incessantly pecking at the esteemed playwright’s window until the note it carried was received. The message read:

 

---

”Liebe Bianca,

 

 In the days of my youth I had been betrothed to an islander girl of great infamy. The well-meaning advice of my dearest companions fell on deaf ears; though they warned me she was unfaithful, that she had indulged in relations with Elfen, men and women alike, that she was known for dabbling in the dark arts – I ignored them, for I believed that our love was true, and that I could lead her on a path to purity through Gott.

 

 A wigged rival of mine, foe of many wars and battles, sought to divide us. It was known to us that he desired her to be under his domain. He wrote me a scalding public letter, demanding that I relinquish her hand to him or perish to his blade in a duel. Yet in private correspondence he made to me an indecent proposal: our dispute would be forgotten if I withdrew to allow him free reign, and he would compensate me with banknotes totaling a sum of one hundred thousand Marks.

 

 Of course, I refused – and so our blades clashed, and I prevailed, though I spared his life. Alas, my beloved showed me no gratitude. Within mere Saint’s Weeks, she abandoned me for a wicked Elf, showing no remorse or regret. It shames me to admit it, but in retrospect, I believe I should have accepted the offer and taken the Marks. Am I sinful for engaging in such thoughts? Have I done the right thing by staying by her side to defend her honor, despite the warnings of my friends? Or should I not have courted her at all?

 

 

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

C. F.”

      

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