"Dear Bianca, I'm In Love With My Cousin!" Dear Bianca: A Life Advice Column, Issue No. 3

[Urahra 5359]

 

Dear Bianca: A Life Advice Column

Issue No. 3 - "Dear Bianca, I'm In Love With My Cousin!"

 

 

Most esteemed Madame La Fleur,

 

I hail from a large family spread out all across the Empire. Because my family is so big, I've not had the pleasure of meeting all my many relatives. The other day, while enjoying a stroll through Providence, I encountered a devastatingly handsome young man who immediately piqued my interest! He fit all my preferences - tall, charming, well-dressed, graceful, humorous. Alas, I attended a family function some days later and... who should I meet again but that same handsome man! As it turns out, he's my first cousin on my mother's side. I didn't realize we were relatives due to our differing last names. Madame La Fleur, I ask you - would it be within the bounds of good taste for us to pursue our relationship? 

 

Yours,
Romance is Relative

 

Dear Romance is Relative,

 

Incest is... not uncommon among the upper echelons of Imperial society. Noblemen have a rich and storied history of marrying their cousins. Allow me to regale you with a particularly sordid tidbit from the Early Empire. Exalted Godfrey wed one Atriana Tarus. Few people realize this, but Exalted Godfrey was Atriana's second husband. Her first husband was High Priest Everard I, with whom she produced Everard Hightower (named after his sire). Everard married Anne Tarus, the sister of Atriana, who was his maternal aunt. Together, Everard and Anne gave birth to Ari Hightower... who would go on to marry Exalted Godfrey's son, Orian I. 

 

In other words, Ari Hightower - who was both her mother's daughter and great-niece - married a man who was not only her first cousin... but also her uncle. How's that for a fun fact? At least your family tree isn't as tangled as that.

 

However, I still wouldn't advise you to pursue the relationship. While the Oren Reformed Code doesn't outlaw consanguinity in the case of first cousins, I think most people still find it mildly distasteful. Just because you can doesn't always mean that you should. Consanguinity could have negative effects on any future children you might have, which is a fact worth considering as well. 

 

It's not the 1300's. We don't need to keep recirculating the same stale, old blood between the same three or four families anymore. Hardly anyone bats an eye when a person of high birth marries a commoner. You have your choice of men, so I'd recommend setting aside any feelings you have for your cousin and looking at different options. Put some distance between yourself and the object of your affections. Get to know other (unrelated) men. I'm sure your affections will change in time.

 

Signed, 
Bianca La Fleur

 

Dear Bianca,

 

I am a family man with two children at home. However - I am, (and always have been) always very enamored with my wife. Unfortunately, a great deal of our time has been spent raising our children, and given us little time to spend with each other. How do I balance being a Father who's there for his children when they need him - and a husband who's there for his wife when she also needs him?

Sincerely,
A Busy Father

 

Dear Busy Father,

 

Children often change the nature of our romantic relationships. After having children, we might experience a certain shifting of priorities. Once upon a time, your life centered around your spouse. Now that little ones have entered the picture, your spouse might occupy a secondary place on your list of concerns. Some decry children as the death of romance. However, I don't think this necessarily needs to be the case. 

 

Keep in mind that I am not married and have never had children myself, but here would be my advice.

 

Perhaps devote a few days out of the month to your spouse alone. Are there relatives who would be willing to watch the children while you enjoy a date night? Is it possible to hire a governess or an au pair to mind them? Are the children old enough to watch themselves for an evening? If so, hand the kids a few marks and let them loose on the town. Set a curfew and enjoy your childfree evening with your spouse. 

 

If you can't find time to be with your wife, then you must make time. Fit it into your schedule by any means necessary. A man's relationship with his wife is the most important relationship of his life. We often take our spouses for granted, assuming that they'll always be there, but we discount how easy it is to fall out of love if the relationship is not carefully maintained.

 

Be proactive and set appointments to spend time with your spouse. Perhaps this sounds clinical and unromantic. Isn't it more romantic to be spontaneous? But here's the truth. Romance is a lot like inspiration. If a writer sits and does nothing while waiting for inspiration to strike, why... he'll probably never get any writing done! Inspiration is rare. A professional writer must write even when he is feeling enirely uninspired. Just as we must find romance with our partners even when we're feeling entirely unromantic. 

 

Hoping you find the romance you seek,
Bianca La Fleur
 

 

Dear Bianca,

 

I work in a tavern with a very beautiful elven woman. The more time I spend with her, the more I'm beginning to fall for her. I'm Canonist and she is not. Is there any way to make this relationship work?

 

From
Lover of Long Ears

 

Dear Lover of Long Ears,

 

Ah, my unfortunate sir. I do pity you. We valah often fall into this particular trap. There's something so pleasing about the elven countenance, isn't there? The high cheekbones. The delicate noses. The pointed chins. Long, slender necks leading down to dainty collarbones. Whenever a beautiful elf walks down the street, we can't help but turn our heads, can we? They say that His Imperial Majesty Peter III kept elven mistresses. But that's just a rumor and Madame La Fleur is not in the business of spreading rumors. Just know that you are not alone in your particular predilections.

 

I cannot advise you to indulge in your preference, however. As good Canonists, we must adhere to what is written in the Holy Scrolls. The virtue of Horen forbids the sin of interbreeding. If that doesn't dissuade you, there are yet more practical concerns as well. For one, unless something horribly tragic happens, your elven maid will outlive you by hundreds of years. We humans suffer from the curse of mortality. We have one-hundred years. Perhaps one-hundred-fifty if you're blessed to be Adunian. Elves? They can potentially live for a thousand years or even more. I once included a certain dark elf as a character in one of my plays. Since the action of the play took place in the early 1400s, I thought certainly she'd passed away. No! She was quite alive (well over 500 years old!) and not especially pleased I wrote about her without permission. Thank God she didn't sue. 

 

But yes. Should you marry this elf, your lady love will be doomed to watch you slowly age and die. The same would be true of your children. As I understand it, mixed-race children have all the curses but none of the benefits. So your children would be mortal with low fertility. Meaning your wife would also watch them age and die within her lifetime. The same with your grandchildren. And great-grandchildren. And great-great grandchildren.

 

In short... it's cruel.

 

As painful as it might be, you need to let go of this ill-fated love affair. Many of the qualities that you may find attractive about elven women, such as the willowy frame or long legs, can also be found in humans if you look hard enough. I'd recommend changing work shifts so that you no longer work alongside the object of your affections. Out of sight, out of mind - as they say.

 

Good luck,
Bianca La Fleur

 

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following answer has been amended due to a factual error. Half-elves are, in fact, entirely infertile and cannot reproduce at all. 

 

 

 

 

To Ms. La Fleur,

 

My father died earlier this year and the grieving period has been difficult for me. For the last few months, I've been in a fog of sadness from which there is no escape. My boyfriend says he is tired of waiting for me to feel better. He wants to hurry up and get married and start having children, but I just feel too sad to even think about the future. Is there something wrong with me? Should I just do what he says?

 

Please help,
Stuck in a Fog

 

Dear Stuck in a Fog,

 

Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your father. There's no pain quite as keen as the loss of a parent. I, too, lost my father some years ago. We were very close. It plunged me into a horrible depression that dogged me for decades afterward. Sometimes, I would find myself weeping for no reason. Simply because something innocuous - a smell, a color, the texture of a fabric - suddenly reminded me of him. 

 

Grief isn't an easy emotion. You can't simply overcome it through sheer willpower. In fact, bottling up your grief is a surefire way to make the problem worse. It is a feeling that must be experienced fully before it passes. You experience grief in the same way you might experience a delicious gourmet meal at a fancy restaurant. Plate by plate. Course my course. Until you reach the end. The only difference is that we relish eating a delicious meal. When it comes to grief, we'd rather do anything else.

 

But as with all difficult things, the only way out is through. And it cannot be rushed.

 

Your partner isn't giving you the proper space in which to grieve. I think it's abominable that he's behaving this way. You need time and support during this period of your life - and he's providing neither. He's eager to rush onward into greener pastures. Perhaps he thinks that dragging you along - by force if necessary - will bring you happiness as well.

 

It might be time to reassess this relationship. Marriage includes seasons of joy and seasons of sorrow. You'll have to endure both together. Yes, you share in wonderful, beautiful moments full of happiness. But you'll also slog through times of boredom, ennui, anger, and deep despair. Your boyfriend is showing you now that he cannot handle your negative emotions. He's unwilling or unable to share in your grief and help you fight through it. 

 

I'd advise talking to him frankly about his lack of support during your grieving process. If he cannot see things from your perspective, then it may be time to let him go. If he recognizes that he's done wrong and is willing to fix his behavior, he might be worth keeping around.

 

You might also want to speak with a priest about your difficult emotions. A priest might be able to provide you with some sense of closure. When my father died, I relied on my uncle - who was a priest of the Canon - for emotional guidance and support. Without him, I would have been utterly lost.

 

Wishing you luck in this time of hardship,
Bianca La Fleur

 

 

 

Dear Bianca is a production of J.D. Chapel & Associates. All opinions expressed in this periodical are the opinions of Ms. Yuliya Styrne a.k.a Bianca La Fleur. We do not accept legal responsibility for the outcome of any advice offered. Please enact Ms. La Fleur's suggestions at your own risk.

 

Letters are edited for clarity, spelling, and succinctness with any and all identifying information removed for the security of the writers.

 

If you have a query for Bianca La Fleur, you may reach her at her office in the Imperial University at Providence.

 

[Valannor 6345]

1 hour ago, Urara said:

 

Dear Bianca,

 

I work in a tavern with a very beautiful elven woman. The more time I spend with her, the more I'm beginning to fall for her. I'm Canonist and she is not. Is there any way to make this relationship work?

 

From
Lover of Long Ears

 

 suddenly grows very concerned, both for her reputation as a good Canonist Mali, and the fact that she may need to smack one of her employees. 

[rukio 8910]

3 hours ago, Urara said:

 

 

 

 

Dear Lover of Long Ears,

 

 

 

But yes. Should you marry this elf, your lady love will be doomed to watch you slowly age and die. The same would be true of your children. As I understand it, mixed-race children have all the curses but none of the benefits. So your children would be mortal with low fertility. Meaning your wife would also watch them age and die within her lifetime. The same with your grandchildren. And great-grandchildren. And great-great grandchildren.

 

In short... it's cruel.

 

Good luck,
Bianca La Fleur

 

 

 

 

 

Alice Laurir'ante pens a correction to this statement, sending her owl off to one miss Bianca La Fleur:

 

"To Bianca La Fleur,

 

I felt a correction to your article was needed. While you are correct that such offspring would be mortal, they would have no fertility. Therefore, there would be no grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and so forth. Elves view (or should view!) having children as something of high importance, and given our already low fertility, it would be a disgrace and of terrible impurity to interbreed. Just as a dwarf cross would have extreme greed and an orc cross would be consumed by their rage, so to would a half elf suffer infertility, alongside the curse of their other parent. The brothers were cursed for a reason, to pass on two curses instead of one is to spit upon your own legacy and doom its existence to cease.

 

-An anonymous elf"

 

Spoiler

Lore changes to fix the abuse of halfbreeds ignoring both curses that we saw in our era are very based.

 

[Urahra 5359]

Editor's Note:

 

The third letter has been amended to correct the factual error. Half-elves are fully infertile and  cannot reproduce. We thank our readers for their thoughtful feedback!