SAN ROBERTO TEQUILLA™

[drowknows 696]

 

Everyone can agree, & we understand - you’re tired of drinking the old Pruvian Port, classic Ruskan Vodka, or the juicy de Savoie wines to get things off your mind: it’s getting old, you have been drinking that hooch since birth. Want something new? Something flavourus? Say no more.. From the beaches & steamy lush forests of Hyspia - Doloroza INC. created the greatest & most refined beverage of Alamaris: SAN ROBERTO TEQUILLA.

 

 

TASTE OF THE TROPICANA

San Roberto Tequilla™ is produced for your personal enjoyment, manufactured in the Chacao plantations off the borders of Cartagena - a single sip of the magnificent San Roberto Tequilla brings you to the shores of Cartagena, surrounded by white beaches & green tropical palms as the sun shines bright onto your tanned skin - the trademark TROPICANA taste, only found within a cold glass of St. Robert Tequilla.

 

It is said by many level headed critics that this specific taste of the “Tropicana” is utterly unique in flavour - edging the observation that San Roberto put’s heart & labour into their bottles to give a sense of luxury & distinctive experiences, & supporting the fact that St. Robert Tequilla is the highest quality & premium drink for the most cultured of consumers.

 

WHICH COMES FIRST, THE LIME OR SALT?

The story of San Roberto Tequilla begins during the last quarter of late Pontiff James II in exactly the year 1800 - establishing the Bishopric of Hyspia under the Princely-Archdiocese of Albarosa - & appointing now Cardinal & Vice-Chancellor Pelagius as the first Bishop of Hyspia. Upon his assignment of the position, Pelagius keenly studied the native inhabitants of Hyspia’s culture & traditions: one of the first things he noticed was the Hyspian’s unique affinity towards a substance known as the ‘Chacao’ (Hyspian Pineapple) - a blue century plant found abundant in dry climates. The Chacao was often chewed by the Hyspian peasant population during their time working the fields due to the Chacao’s easily harvested nature.

 

An Albarosan priest accompanying Pelagius & co. by the name of Fr. Pablo St. Robert - as well as Pelagius, took interest in this blue Chacao substance. After around 2 weeks of experimenting with the plant with various amounts of brewery equipment - Fr. Pablo developed the first glass of Hyspian Tequilla. Sharing his invention with Albarosan Clergymen & Hyspian aristocrats, it seemed to be a hit - everyone (primarily Pelagius) was hooked, & so they decided to capitalize on the fine beverage.. 

 

Thus, the St. Robert Tequilla, dubbed by Fr. Pablo’s patron Saint (or, San Roberto) institution was founded in the year of 1803.

 

MAKING A GLASS

Brewing a bottle of St. Robert Tequilla is both tenuous & simple, firstly: one must find a Chacao plantation, found in dry areas of southern Alamarisa - most of which are most often then not located in Sutica, Osanora, or Cartagena. After getting a Hyspian peasant to harvest a Chacao plant or two, you would shred the piña (Chacao’s succulent core), preparing the fibers for an extraction process.

 

The newly shredded piña is put into a cauldron that would be swayed around for precisely four hours, beginning a moderate extraction period, withdrawing 90% of the plant’s sugar. The sugar would then be fermentented, placed in an oven that would begin a cooking process, converting its inner sugar into fructose & glucose. The then distilled sugar is fermented again to a greater extent & more sizzling heats to cleanse it of any harmful material.

 

The cleansed sugar & liquids deriving from the Chacao’s piña is put into a container for aging, preferably an oaken barrel, made with Hyspian pine & white oak, complementing the specific structure a ripe piña is made of. After relatively twelve Saint’s months following the aging period, the liquid is jetted into an assembling vessel, blended with water to adjust it’s seasoned tint. Finally, the processed Tequilla is poured into a glass, often accompanied by a lemon or lime alongside with some salt for extra refined taste.

 

QUOTES FROM CONSUMERS

(Note: quotes may or may not be fabricated.)

 

“San Roberto Tequilla is only suited for a King.”

-Cr. Francisco Nescia

 

“When Life gives you lemons, grab some Salt & Tequilla!”

-Fr. Pablo

 

“Irresistible.”

-Unknown Hyspian peasant paid 20 pesos to say this.

 

“The best of them all!”

-Annatrina, Duchess of Savinia

 

“Santegian Princencess Approved!”

-Infanta Florentina de Savin

 

“Praise GOD!”

-Late Cr. Laurence Pruvia-Albarosa

 

“I can’t comprehend how good this is.”

-Carlos Clericus Hyspia, famously martyred whilst holding a glass of San Roberto Tequilla.

 

“St. Robert Tequilla makes me feel as if i’m being touched by Mother Julia herself!”

-Baron Teo of Cartagena

 

 

 

So, you want that good bottle of San Roberto Tequilla™? Find your local vender in Cartagena or Osanora, selling for only ten mina a glass!

 

*Tequila spelled with two LL’s for originality.

[Nowak 878]

Oswald doesn't drink often, but when he does, he drinks san roberto!

[bugbytes21 790]

"I usually don't drink at all, but if I do indulge it is San Roberto Tequilla, it is literally a sip of the seven skies on earth! Bestowed upon us by the great and glorious GOD" Proclaims Bishop Hernando, Cordoba as he carries crates of bottles from Cartagena to fill the rooms of Osanora's tavern