JONESCO IMPERIAL GEL

[HeyitsNano 1582]

"It's a bird.. No, it's a plane! ... No, it's a.... street vendor?"

JonesCO presents…

 

A JonesCO - Baronial House Keen invention!

 

The MULTI USE

MULTI INGREDIENT

MULTI SIZE

 

 

JonesCO IMPERIAL Gel Paste

 

YOU CAN….

 

☆ Use it to fashion your hair to the latest imperial styles,

☆ Use it with water to wash out any and all dirt and grime gained from a long day of warfare,

☆ Use it to clean the sword you used to slay many heretics and goblins,

☆ Use it on that one pesky wagon wheel that squealed the whole way from Haense,

☆ Use it on your cat, your dog, and anything in-between for a shiny, gleaming coat,

☆ Use it to fuel your lantern,

☆ Use it on your clothes to keep warm in those cold Orenian winter nights

☆ Use it to glue posters on a wall,

☆ Use it on your shoes to keep them dry in even the most torrential rainstorms. The water rolls  right off!

☆ Use it and form bricks out of which to make shelter,

 

USE IT FOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING! 

 

The best part? It's ENTIRELY edible, and has a sweet-savory taste to it, so if you're stranded in a Savoyard desert and in desperate need of instant food, whip out your can of JonesCO IMPERIAL Gel Paste!

 

Only 10 Mina a can!

 

Not enough? For an upgraded 40 Mina, you can get a whole BARREL of it!

Still not enough? Contact JONESCO and for the SMALL price of 150 Mina, you can receive an entire BUTTLOAD of it!

 

Need more still? For the smallest price of 1000 Mina you can have an IMPERIAL Gel Paste AQUADUCT installed in your town for instant and infinite access to the material! 

 

[Chrothic 74]

A large man, dressed in a gold decorated, cherry red circus master suit, chuckled to himself
"BAHAHA! Glad to see the products are doing well!"

[PrincessSnowie 539]

Vespira L. mused the missive with a smile, pondering if she should try to get some for the boutique. Then as she read the part about 'Fuel your lanters' She recalled the time A ladies hair caught fire from an old product.. Shaking the thought away she set the flyer aside.

[annabanana1014 2084]

Diana Vuiller would be using this new gel on her sword, cleaning it!

 

“Such a beauty now that it is cleaned. I rather like this new product! Well done!”

[HeyitsNano 1582]

4 minutes ago, PrincessSnowie said:

Vespira L. mused the missive with a smile, pondering if she should try to get some for the boutique. Then as she read the part about 'Fuel your lanters' She recalled the time A ladies hair caught fire from an old product.. Shaking the thought away she set the flyer aside.

 

A free gift sample would find its way to Vespira's boutique anyways.

[KBR 2046]

The Imperial General Iskander Basrid smiled widely as he imagined his killer new hairstyle

[tadabug2000 4922]

Lady Johanne Vuiller imagined what Vuillermoz would look like with an aqueduct, scribbling something in a notebook and tucking it away in a mahogany box for safe-keeping. She figured she'd try the gel and if she happened to not like it, maybe she could still pay the Baron to build an aqueduct when she was older.

[Taketheshot 3834]

Joseph d'Azor purchased a large 60 gallon drum of the gel hauling it back to Azor. "Who knew it could function as window washing fluid!" The Duke smiled, cleaning all of the windows in his greenhouse with the gel so he could enjoy gardening more!

[Azie 657]

((3 in one shampoo x 10 !!))

[Nectorist 12869]

Bruno "Butch" DeLoria buys several packages of Jonesco Imperial Gel, styling his hair in never-seen-before fashions and trailblazing the Providence hair scene.

[Yoitsking 11]

Laurence smiled as he used the gel on his sword. 
"What a fine product, my friend. I can't believe this actually works."

[Ryanark 2738]

Hannes did not think twice about putting the gel in his hair, perhaps this will get rid of the girly curls! "Wait.. Lantern fuel?"

[Legoclub22 122]

ATTENTION

ALL JONES CO. © CUSTOMERS WHO HAVE RECENTLY PURCHASED IMPERIAL GEL ™

THE FOLLOWING WARNINGS ARE ISSUED FOR ALL IMPERIAL GEL PRODUCTS

 

Fire Warning

Imperial Gel is highly combustible and should be handled with extreme care and kept away from open flames at all times when not being used as a contained fuel source. To avoid the risk of explosion or uncontrollable burning, do not ignite more than 2 tablespoons of Imperial Gel. Imperial Gel may remain combustible even after it is dry. To avoid the risk of ignition, dried Imperial Gel should be sprayed with large amounts of water.

Consumption Warning

Imperial Gel may contain animal produce and inorganic ingredients. Imperial Gel is not vegan, vegetarian, organic, or unprocessed. Imperial Gel may cause severe allergic reactions in some individuals. Imperial Gel may cause skin, eye, nose, mouth, throat, and other irritation. For best results, Imperial Gel is advised for external use only. Consumption of Imperial Gel may cause diarrhea, vomiting, dehydration, lightheadedness, bone fatigue, muscle cramps, and gas. Imperial Gel is not food.

Adhesion Warning

Imperial Gel often becomes extremely sticky when drying. Drying Imperial Gel may be dangerous to pets, wildlife, other animal, and small children. Imperial Gel should be disposed of responsibly by dissolving in water. Imperial Gel should be stored in a cool, dry place within a sealed container. Imperial Gel is not suitable for marine use. Imperial Gel used for fashion purposes must be allowed to dry completely in order to risk unwanted adhesion. With Imperial Gel, less is always more. Be conservative with application of Imperial Gel to prevent disastrous adhesion scenarios.

Lubricant Warning

Imperial Gel is extremely slippery. Imperial Gel can be hazardous when applied to floors, stairs, ramps, other walking surfaces, or hand rails. Never attempt to traverse a surface covered in Imperial Gel. When used as a lubricant, Imperial Gel should be reapplied several times a day for best results.

[Chrothic 74]

2 hours ago, Legoclub22 said:

ATTENTION

ALL JONES CO. CUSTOMERS WHO HAVE RECENTLY PURCHASED IMPERIAL GEL

THE FOLLOWING WARNINGS ARE ISSUED FOR ALL IMPERIAL GEL PRODUCTS

 

Fire Warning

Imperial Gel is highly combustible and should be handled with extreme care and kept away from open flames at all times when not being used as a contained fuel source. To avoid the risk of explosion or uncontrollable burning, do not ignite more than 2 tablespoons of Imperial Gel. Gel may remain combustible even after it is dry. To avoid the risk of ignition, dried Imperial Gel should be sprayed with large amounts of water.

Consumption Warning

Imperial Gel may contain animal produce and inorganic ingredients. Imperial Gel is not vegan, vegetarian, organic, or unprocessed. Imperial Gel may cause severe allergic reactions in some individuals. Imperial Gel may cause skin, eye, nose, mouth, throat, and other irritation. For best results, Imperial Gel is advised for external use only. Consumption of Imperial Gel may cause diarrhea, vomiting, dehydration, lightheadedness, bone fatigue, muscle cramps, and gas. Imperial Gel is not food.

Adhesion Warning

Imperial Gel often becomes extremely sticky when drying. Drying Imperial Gel may be dangerous to pets, wildlife, other animal, and small children. Imperial Gel should be disposed of responsibly by dissolving in water. Imperial Gel should be stored in a cool, dry place within a sealed container. Imperial Gel is not suitable for marine use. Imperial Gel used for fashion purposes must be allowed to dry completely in order to risk unwanted adhesion. With Imperial Gel, less is always more. Be conservative with application of Imperial Gel to prevent disastrous adhesion scenarios.

Lubricant Warning

Imperial Gel is extremely slippery. Imperial Gel can be hazardous when applied to floors, stairs, ramps, other walking surfaces, or hand rails. Never attempt to traverse a surface covered in Imperial Gel. When used as a lubricant, Imperial Gel should be reapplied several times a day for best results.

"FEARMONGERING AND SLANDER! The inquisition wont get away with this, not on my watch!"

 

JONESCO PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

THERE IS NO DANGER WHATSOEVER IN USING IMPERIAL GEL!
FACT: ALL HAIR GEL IS FLAMMABLE
FACT: ALL LUBRICANT IS SLIPPERY
FACT: ALL GLUE STICKS
FACT: IMPERIAL GEL IS COMPLETELY SAFE TO EAT
FACT: JONESCO IMPERIAL GEL HAS NO UNIQUE DANGERS THAT DID NOT ALREADY EXIST IN PRODUCTS OF THE SAME CALIBER

In the end, it is up to the consumer to weigh the risks of the product they use, and JonesCO Imperial Gel has no additional dangers than any other hair, food, lubricant, or cleaning product, and in comparison, is far safer than any other product on their own, let alone combined.

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