Jarkarll's story

[Jarkarll 314]

Jarkarll was brother and son to a wealthy orc family. He was raised to fight, to be a warrior. He trained relentlessly to surpass his older brother, who was the favorite child. One day Jarkarll’s father decided to pit Jarkarll and his brother Moksha against each other. Jarkarll was elated to finally have the opportunity to show his father that he could surpass Moksha. Jarkarll fought his brother with wooden swords as it was just a sparring match. Jarkarll parried and riposted most of Moksha’s swings.

During the battle Moksha felt that his brother was beating him and surely that would embarrass him in front of his father. Moksha took a stance to parry Jarkarll’s next blow, Moksha took his sword and off balanced Jarkarll, Jarkarll staggered and Moksha grazed the area near Jarkarll’s eye.

His eye was not injured but a gash was left across Jarkarll’s forehead. Blood began to pour out, through the blood Jarkarll saw Moksha’s grin. Jarkarll was fueled by rage and immediately struck Moksha in the temple. He fell to ground and was unconscious, Jarkarll also passed out due to loss of blood. Jarkarll could not remember anything all went black.

He awoke suddenly with a lash to the calves, an Orc spilled acid all over the scar. The acid would prevent the wound to ever heal, so the wounds from the lashes would always be bright red. Jarkarlls father yelled at him that for humiliating Moksha he would be banished from his house and would be disowned. Horrified by what his father said Jarkarll dragged himself to his room and collected his items, and left.

Jarkarll from there on went across the land of aegis learning of all the possible knowledge.

Until one day a humble human came across him and offered shelter. Jarkarll was only 12 when he was taken in by the human. The human taught him how to spell and read and how to add and subtract. The human taught him how the world work and how to heal wounds. One day a couple of Incognito people barged in stabbed Jarkarll a bit near the abdomen and killed the human that taught and nurtured him. However the men were humans from Oren, Jarkarll hated humans other than the human who saved him. Jarkarll struck them down and burned them. He later mended his wound it was not that deep but it had to be disinfected. Jarkarll took leaves and crushed them down and then added some dandelion extract. He poured the nectar into the wound, and gave a proper burial to the Human.

Jarkarll thought it was high time to return to Sanjezal. Jarkarll saw Sanjezal in ruins… his family dead and all the buildings leveled. Jarkarll joined the Orc army and began his career as an Orc Warrior. In Sanjezal however, he noticed that people called him a goblin yet he looked like all the other Orcs in the army. People said it had to do with his intelligence, Jarkarll was perplexed but he referred to himself as a goblin due to his Father banishing him so his name as an Orc would be a crime.

[Urahra 5777]

Well, your story started out all right. I'm not sure about the "wealthy" family detail. Orcs don't think much of material wealth. It may be better to say your parents were strong warriors or high ranking military officials. I would venture a guess that, rich or poor, most orc children grow up in roughly the same way.

I'm not sure how orcish his dad's reaction is either. If an orc had two sons, he would favor the stronger one. If the stronger one was beaten by the weaker one, that would mean the weaker one has exceeded his brother in strength, therefore taking his place as the favorite. I also think it is commonplace in orc culture to send children out into the wilderness to grow strong. If they die in the desert, they were weak. If they survive and make it back to civilization, they deserve to live. It's a test. So likely both Jarkarll and his brother would have been exiled from home at some point. I don't think an orc would show favoritism to the point of banishing one son for shaming his brother. It might have been more convincing if Jarkarll had unfairly killed his brother somehow. Killing a fellow orc outside the arena, I think, is very dishonorable and would warrant a banishment.

You might want to flesh out his time with the human more. Did he come to look on the human as a father or a mother? Did he struggle with his prejudice against humans and come to love his rescuer as a parent? Why did the Incognito humans attack his rescuer? Was the rescuer secretly part of a group of Undead Sympathizers? Anti-government radicals? And why did this human take him in in the first place? Out of kindness? Perhaps it was an old woman who longed for a son of her own. Were the Incognito humans bandits who thought it'd be easy to rob an old lady? Give us reasons! And did Jarkarll fight back out of his respect and love for his rescuer, or just because he was attacked? Was his surrogate human parent killed? Did he mourn the loss?

I would like to know all of these things. You have decent bones, but your story could use a lot more fleshing out.

[Jarkarll 314]

The Incognito People was capitalized for a reason. Imagine they were like their like the infamous KK*.Which in by they were incredilby racist and the Icongito people killed the human because it housed an Orc, and attempted to kill Jarkarll. I said he was stabbed because my skin has a scar across his calves, one across his forehead and one near his abdomen, all in the story. I said Oren guard because they are incredibly racist and the human was buried.

[Urahra 5777]

I still advise adding more detail to your story.

[Baisha 8]

Question about the last line of your story, if you don't mind my chiming in, but why do you say he refers to himself as a Goblin due to his father banishing him and that his identity as an Orc would cause him to be convicted of a crime? A Goblin is technically an Orc, so he would be identified either way, unless he had taken a new alias to hide his origin?

[Jarkarll 314]

Yeah Baisha thats why when i have time ill add these things.

[Danny 2232]

Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly.