AN EXPOSEE UPON THE PRINCESS

[sam33497 7356]

I, Lanre Cerusil of Celia'nor, have long observed the crimes and sinister behaviors of the Princess Valyris. Today I shall bring it all to light, and the true evil of this Princess unjustly loved by her people will be displayed!

 

Over the forty-odd years I have lived in Celia'nor, I have observed the following behaviors of Valyris:

 

-She once wore an outfit that didn't fit her very well. When inquired by ladies of the court, she insisted that it were their tastes that were incorrect, not her own manner of dressing.

 

-She once shot a gust of wind, using voidal magicks, at a small puppy, entirely unprovoked, and refused to comment afterwards.

 

-She constantly associates with strange, hooded individuals. When pressed about their identities, she only answers in riddles.

 

-Once, at a crowded court session, Valyris had a coughing fit prior to a large announcement, before turning into a large, fire-breathing dragon for a split-second. At least four eyewitnesses corroborate that this occured.

 

-Valyris once got angry at me at a council meeting, and with some eldritch dark magic, turned me into a slug for its duration.

 

-On one dark night I found myself in the basement of the palace, and wandered into a secret quarter of the Princess' design. Therein I found a massive quantity of recently deceased children of every descendant race - implicating strongly that the Princess is a Frost Witch. 

 

-Late at night, I caught Valyris speaking to the Celia'nor pond - this implicates possible druidic influence in the Princess.

 

-Valyris is rumored to possess a demonic horseshoe which allows her to directly speak to Iblees. What she does with this is unknown.

 

-At every half-moon, Valyris is not to be seen within the city. It is unknown for what reason, but on these nights so too can laughing skeletons be heard throughout the city. Perhaps this implicates ties between the Princess and necromancers.

 

-Valyris has three arms.

 

-The speaking of the word 'Valyris' within the walls of Celia'nor seems to have an anomolous effect - as measured by the scientists within the house Cerusil, the rate at which one's normal bodily growths (hair, nails, etc.) progresses additively faster per time the word is said, modeled by this formula:

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

As can be observed, it is quite dangerous to utter her name too often, or the factor multiplies quite quickly. Additionally, not speaking her name at all causes it to grow slower. Perhaps the Princess desires her name to only be spoken once, out of some strange vision of fear or subliminal control.

 

-Valyris has, at one time or another, been observed to use magics of every voidal type, from three different deities, and from every known type of dark magic. This makes it likely that she is not mortal, but rather some strange being capable of sophisticated emulation or power not previously well-understood.

 

-Valyris has, on multiple occasions, engaged with Azdromoth in a romantic subtext. It is unknown if the Titan reciprocated these advances.

 

-The Cerusil data collection experts found a disturbing trend when comparing various shifts in data - on months where Valyris is less present in Celia'nor, the rate of infant mortality decreases almost tenfold.

 

-It is suspected that the Princess' presence has a low-level reality-altering effect, as things that were previously perfectly comprehensible (e.g. gravity pointing downwards, things that are still staying still, motion behaving in normal physical mannerisms) seems to be either altered or entirely behaving incorrectly.

 

-Valyris once visited a small uruk village. Inexplicably, without any of them knowing she had arrived, every orcish child within that village simultaneously started to weep.

 

-Valyris' blood has been observed to take an array of colors - blue, black, golden, and even purple. Oh, and red too, now that I think about it.

 

-One day as the Celiadiraar were training, Valyris appeared in the courtyard. Inexplicably, friction seemed to decrease by a factor of nearly 80% across all external, non-biological surfaces throughout the courtyard for a duration of 4.330 seconds, causing many soldiers to drop their weapons, fall, or otherwise have clothing and armor fall off of their bodies.

 

-Valyris has been observed by Celian linguists to speak at least 53 languages not distinctly recognized as Ancient Elven, many sounding evil or mystical in nature.

 

-Valyris once summoned a baby deer with Life Evocation, swiftly launching it into the air with conjured air and causing its death. This was in the middle of an otherwise pleasant tavern conversation and caused much confusion and disgust.

 

-Valyris is generally believed to possess more voidal energy than any other descendant, with one flick of her finger embedding herself profoundly in the minds of everyone for miles around, causing them to write and gossip about her excessively. Perhaps Valyris exerted some sort of mind control for this feat? Either way, unknown voidal or dark magicks must be at work.

 

Thank you for reading, I am also looking to append more of the Princess' oddities and crimes upon this list, so that the world can learn. Please do inform me if any such things exist.

 

-Lanre

[Morigung-oog 5697]

"He also forgot that she once made Iblees blush." Valindra whined, folding her arms in disapproval of the largely incomplete list.

[Donutella 196]

"He has failed to mention her two right hands!" A certain 'aheral exclaims.