Way of the Mother: On Marriage

[Toffee 1105]

When one binds themself to another in the eyes of the Aspects, this is a sacred oath which cannot be forsaken. The humans have the concept of divorce and annulment woven into their scriptures and courts of law, but no such law exists in the life of a true Aspectist. In sun or storm, elation or heartbreak, a marriage vow cannot be broken. If your partner lives, you may not take another. Even in death, this vow is a powerful one. To sunder it would be a grave affront to the Aspects.

- The Way of the Mother

 

The purpose of this tenet within the Way of the Mother is to preserve the sacredness of the marriage vow and stray away from human customs.

Definition of Marriage

 

In human culture, marriage is designed to create a legitimate bloodline for the passing of titles and property. The line of succession was traditionally through the firstborn son, but this has changed in recent decades with the introduction of absolute primogeniture in many human kingdoms. To have a child outside of marriage is to have a bastard who is not included in the line of succession except for rare occasions where the child is legitimised. Marriage, therefore, is a necessary part of life amongst the human nobility as a way to pass noble titles and heirlooms upon death, which happens much more frequently among Man than among the Elves. Because marriage is integral to the creation of legitimate lines, divorce or annulment is available through the Church of the Canon as a way to take on another spouse. This will usually only be granted where the spouse is not fulfilling their marriage duties, has been adulterous, or is considered to have abandoned the marriage.

 

Conversely, among the Mali’ame people there is no concept of legitimacy and limited value is placed on bloodlines. Integral to Mali’ame families are the Seeds, which are primarily adoptive families but can include members who are related by blood. Furthermore, Mali’ame do not have inheritable titles. Leadership of a Seed is most often chosen from existing Seed elders, not from the blood descendant of the current leader. In the Dominion of Malin, the title of High Prince was not passed down but rather elected by Moot. Similarly, in the Crown of Elvenesse and later the Crown of Amaethea, the High Prince’s successor was chosen by the current High Prince rather than being passed from parent to child by way of right, as is the case in human cultures.

 

There is no societal expectation that partners must be married in order to have children. It is perfectly acceptable, and in fact normal, for Mali’ame to have multiple relationships throughout their long lives either sequentially or simultaneously, bearing children by many different partners. Because there is no concept of legitimacy, children who are born out of wedlock or adopted are not seen as being any more or less connected to their parents. Why, then, does the concept of marriage exist in Mali’ame culture?

 

One possible explanation is the influence of Orenian customs. Mali'ame culture saw an intense revival and return to the ways of Irrin Sirame within Laureh’lin, a Wood Elven state in the Dominion of Malin in Axios. The Wood Elves had been vassalised under the Kingdom of Oren for centuries by this point, and although granted independence in Axios, remained a vassal state. Therefore it is possible the human norm of marriage became ingrained in Mali’ame customs during this period of revival. Even though marriage was not considered necessary for the formation of legitimate bloodlines or the passing of land and titles, it nevertheless has become normal for Mali’ame to formalise their relationships through marriage. 

 

The Way of the Mother preaches that marriage among Mali’ame is sacred because it is a vow made in the eyes of the Aspects. Mali’ame should refrain from tying themselves to another in matrimony unless they can fully commit to their life partner for the centuries they will walk the mortal plane together. In the case of the Druii, this bond transcends death and follows them into the Eternal Forest. 

Marriage and the Aspects

 

The effect of marriage in Mali’ame culture is that two souls become one in the eyes of the Aspects. Take, for example, the Vows of Matrimony found within the Priesthood of Orison. In this rite, the couple are symbolically united through blood and sacred Attunement springwater. The vows are overseen by a Priest of the Wild Faith, intoning that the bond has been witnessed by the Aspects. The impact of two souls becoming one is that each spouse must work in tandem to uphold the balance because, in the eyes of the Aspects, they are intertwined.

 

The Mali’ame are not inherently monogamous. It is normal to have multiple partners, sometimes simultaneously. However, entering into marriage is widely considered to be a dedication to one partner and one partner only. Straying beyond marriage is infidelity. However, because Elven children are so rare and precious, it is not uncommon for a married couple to decide to bear children outside of marriage if they are of the same gender or if one of them is infertile. Because this is agreed upon, it is not considered adultery. In human culture, infidelity is considered grounds for a divorce or dissolution of marriage. Not so in Mali’ame culture. A marriage vow cannot be broken for it is not a legal commitment, it is a spiritual one. Therefore, it is the duty of the couple to return to the light of the Aspects together. In this way, they uphold the balance.

 

Because a married couple are one, even if they become separated due to irreconcilable differences, it is inappropriate to take on another partner while the other is alive. This would upset the delicate nature of the balance. When one partner dies, it is not frowned upon to take another partner—particularly for bearing children—but it would be considered an affront to the Aspects to enter into another marriage. Marriage bonds traditionally transcend death with the knowledge that the couple will be reunited in the Eternal Forest or in the Aspects’ realm.

 

Mali’ame who marry young are more likely to grow apart from their spouse over the centuries and wish to separate, therefore breaking their sacred vow. The Way of the Mother counsels to have meaningful partnerships, but not to fasten this with a marriage vow until both partners are wholly committed to taking the other as their lifemate. Too often do we see Mali’ame marrying their current partner, separating after half a century, remarrying, and repeating across five centuries of life. This is likely a habit developed from human cultures, where marriage was necessary and unmarried partners were considered unholy.

Non-Aspectist Marriage Rites

 

True Aspectists and followers of elnarnsae’ame will marry their spouse in a traditional ceremony presided over by a Wild Priest or, more rarely, alone in a sacred place such as a Druidic Grove. However, many Wood Elves have been known to marry their spouse through other means, such as in the eyes of another deity or in a court of law. In those instances, the rules of marriage outlined by the Way of the Mother do not apply.

 

A traditional Mali’ame marriage bond is so sacred because it is made in the eyes of the Aspects rather than in honour of one another. To break such an oath is a grievous affront to the Aspects and to the balance.

Marriage Rite in the Way of the Mother

 

Many Seeds, Clans, Houses, and Talonnii have their own marriage rites. The key feature of an Aspectist union is that a vow is spoken to one another in the eyes of the Aspects, traditionally in the form of asking the Aspects to watch over and bless the marriage. Ideally, other important cultural features include a ceremony in an Aspects-blessed place such as a Grove or shrine overseen by a priest of the Wild Faith. 

 

In the Way of the Mother, the marriage rite is almost identical to that described in The Sacrament of Nature, which is a summarisation of ancient rituals scribed by Sonna Vulnrith, Keeper of the Glade of Hileia and Sister Fox. The only salient difference is that the Way of the Mother includes the sacred art of ilmyumier. 

 

To receive ilmyumier is to proudly display one’s heritage, family, feats, and calling upon the skin. It is a sacred art and one that should not be taken lightly. Ilmyumier should only ever be applied to another; never apply ilmyumier to your own flesh. To do so would not be ilmyumier but a simple tattoo.

 

When applying ilmyumier, one should use traditional tools carved from bone or shell and pigments derived from charcoal, plants, and insects. When receiving ilmyumier, no pain relief should be consumed or applied to the skin; feeling the pain is what gives ilmyumier true significance.

- The Way of the Mother

 

If the couple are from the same Seed, or are not affiliated with any family, they should mark the other with a unique design commemorating their marriage and eternal life together. An alternative is to mark the other with the ilmyumier of one’s Seed, if they intend to join upon marriage.

Erasing Past Marriages

 

Countless years of subjugation throughout history means that many Mali’ame have been raised isolated from their culture. It is therefore understandable, especially for young Elves, that there are those who enter into Aspectist marriages without fully knowing or appreciating the weight of the oath they have taken.

 

Full appreciation of the marriage vow means understanding that one is bound to stand by their partner’s side in elation or heartbreak, regardless of infidelity or abandonment. While your spouse lives, you may never take another partner. After your spouse’s death, you may take another partner but may never remarry. Breaking either feature of this tenet means the only recourse is to brand oneself with the ilmyumier Siss’suru’s Grip and pray to soothe the Aspects’ wroth.

 

The grip of Siss’susu is an ouroboros design upon the wrist or neck, a snake with red, poisoned fangs biting its own tail. The meaning can vary from a branded reminder of wrong-doing to rebirth and redemption. It is often reserved for those who have committed a grave affront to the Aspects or who have harmed the Mali’ame people.

 

For those who did not fully appreciate the seriousness of their vow, there is another path. A prior marriage can be erased, spiritually releasing both partners to enter into other marriages, but only where there was true ignorance that the oath was not in fact between each partner, but to the Aspects. This can be done only once. The person wishing to erase a prior marriage must venture into the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on their back and a waterskin. For three days and three nights, they are to meditate on their former marriage, beseeching the Aspects for their forgiveness. For a further three days and three nights, they are to meditate on their future marriage, allowing the full weight of their commitment to settle.

 

They may then go forth and enter into another marriage with full knowledge and appreciation of the sacredness of the bond.

 

 

Spoiler

https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/229128-way-of-the-mother/?tab=comments 

 

https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/230752-the-sacrament-of-nature-rituals-and-prayers-of-the-wild-faith/ 

 

https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/223702-ilmyumier-the-art-of-storytelling/?tab=comments#comment-1968024 

 

[Nectorist 7422]

Galar Ithelanen writes a small journal entry next to other annotations from Illynora's Way of the Mother: On Marriage.

 

There is another facet to the introduction of marriage that I have observed within our society that I believe may be an imported practice from humanity, but has served our own ends and can be seen to be replicated across the known world. There is a clear divide between those whose every action may be deemed public and those who are, for lack of a better term, insignificant to some degree to be allowed private action. In our culture, we would normally find our relationships to be private, a part of our own lives and choices but otherwise not beholden to the wishes and whims of our wider community. I myself occupy this rung of insignificance and have for some time. With two women and one man, our vows were made with locked spears and our divorce came with death. I, like most other of our kind, have no need for a formalized institution.

 

Yet for those who live in the realm of the public at nearly all occasions, arrangements such as these are impossible. I speak of monarchs and princes and one of high standing in a Seed that occupies some important station. It is at this level that politics must be played. Love cannot be factored, even if it may be present, for the compatibility of the spouse to their station takes precedence. The bond forged in this union is greater than between the two spouses, it ties seeds, perhaps even polities, together (Note: Not as frequent as elsewhere). At a point, monogamy becomes a necessary practice for the elite, else they risk letting the affairs and whims of the private seep into the public, damaging themselves and others. It was a great embarrassment when [this is erased] pursued [this is erased] time chasing lovers and concubines, inciting tensions between them, and turning their esteemed office into a theatrical farse. Let us at the bottom be allowed to enjoy these disgraces.