That exactly describes how I felt during a few months of 2016 and 2015 and I have managed to become happier recently. What you need to do is to take a break from LOTC until you start feeling better with yourself. It doesn't have to be permanent,just a few months. LOTC is a close community,due to it's 'low' amount of members(compared to other bigger communities) and that in itself can be a double edged sword. On one side,one can feel more involved with the community and can more easily form friendships,but on the other hand, everything a person does on the server or on forums is in a spotlight,because anyone can easily know what you have done. I'd be the first one to admit it: I wrote some stupid **** on the forums and on the server whining about magic and some other stuff and when I finally regained some common sense,I became constantly worried and anxious that people on the server saw me in a negative image or were talking behind my back. Due to this,I started trying to be nicer to people and trying to be more self-conscious if my rp or OOC attitude was annoying someone. Unfortunately,I don't think that worked out,because, because I ended up messaging people too many times and being generally clueless by asking a **** ton of questions to the same people without being aware that perhaps I was annoying them (I'm sorry @Toxzero :( you were a great friend and one of the people who were always nice to me,but I feel like I was only being an annoyance to you guys on the Enchantry due to my lack of skill in rp and by pming you way too much, so I thought it would be best for me to leave.). Eventually,I decided to take a break from the server since I simply wasn't feeling happy like I used to when rping on the server. And I have to say, I'm starting to feel happier with my life ever since I did this and began going to a therapist regularly. I'm feeling so much better that maybe in the next few months I might come back to the server:)
Oh wow,I wrote way too much than what I intended to. It was good to get this out of my chest anyway.