Song down below
what once was, what will never be
One, Two, Three, Four… the rows went on and on until the room seemed to long to be real. Perhaps that was the half-empty bottle of alcohol clutched tightly in her grasp, or perhaps that was just the harsh reality of her life. Everyone who died, everyone, she loved that didn’t make it to this very day, all reduced to ashes and sat in this room as a cruel reminder of what she’ll never have again. Suicide, murder, accidental, disease… It struck them down like a sword and left a gaping hole in her heart where her love for them was once stored. There wasn’t much left of it. Arabella once believed that she could patch it up like putty to a wall with the constant presence of others or work. Both were scarce these days, all her friends scattered and gone and all of her children off being their own person, no longer needing her to take care of them like she once did. Her tavern was gone, the city she once put her blood, sweat, and tears gone with it. No one needed her, and that left a suffocating feeling of dread and loneliness in its wake.
The Warhawkes were gone again, much like when she had first met them. All scattered about and lost touch with one another. They had given her a sense of purpose during her time with them, whether it be going on crazy adventures or manning the tavern they always brought joy to her life. She didn’t even know where most of them went off into the shadows to live on their own and that beautiful sense of community that she loved oh so much went with them.
She was reduced to feeling useless and spent, her time was up. The clock had stopped ticking, and maybe that's because no one was around to put in the work to fix it or maybe that was because Ara knew that there was nothing left for her. She had raised her family to live without her, they’ll protect one another like always, Luna or Lyra would probably take in her youngest, who were old enough to live on their own but had never left home before. They’d watch out for them, surely they would. A Delevoye always chooses family above everything.
She’d seen where she’d go after death, Dak’ir had briefly taken her there on a spirit walk once, and she knew she’d finally feel the happiness that once filled her up to the brim, left her smiling and dazed with a carefree sense of fulfillment with the life she led. At times things got dark and scary, she lost a lot and saw too many awful things for her to count. But she’d let it all go once she was finally surrounded by her old relatives and loved ones once more. The love of her life would be there, and her parents, children of hers that broke her in half upon their deaths. She’d see them all again, and more.
Arabella thought of all the dinners and parties hosted for the family. How every year in Axios on their boat Ara would put together something on their main deck for anyone to attend. Her favorite party will always be the krugsmas one when Lyra was just a little girl, she ate all the cookies meant for decorating and everyone was basking in the holiday spirit, smiling. Kalvo was there, alive and that realization just seemed to deepen her need for what she was currently doing. He was gone, and so many others went with him. A few years later went her granddaughter, weak and sickly she was but full of spirit and love.
She hopes that all her children look back fondly on their memories with her, that Luna remembers their afternoons spent doll making in the windmill and Lyra remembers being in the kitchen with her mom. That Nerrin won’t forget that she raised him, that Luna might be his mother but she put in the hard work when it came to parenting her grandson. She doesn’t know what she wants Atlas to remember, just something pleasant, something good that wasn’t tainted by his father or that dark time when things went awry. Maybe Astrid, Aries, and Nova will really only remember her funeral, they are old enough to hold their own but everyone else got decades upon decades with her. She feels selfish for a moment, thinking about them, but one last glance at all the urns lined up in this room full of grief just solidifies her plan.
Ara left her shrine room, knowing soon she’d see the people whose ashes took up the space of such a winding and dark place. Maybe she’d finally get to apologize to her cousin and hug her father. The once clear alcohol swished around the bottle as she swayed, it had been tinted a light golden hue upon her adding in the necessary amount of the poison. She was slowly starting to feel it, constricting her airways and making her light headed. She dropped the bottle at the foot of her bed, the glass shattering and embedding itself into her feet and legs. But with the light and airy feeling that enveloped Ara, she did not react and simply fell down onto her bed, slowly turning onto her back and staring up at the light purple canopy of her bed. She knew it was finally coming, her end. All life was slipping away from her, all her woes and worries floating off into the stiff air of the room and despite herself and her predicament, a giggle escaped her as she drew her last breath.
The following letters would be for the selected people. The letters would be found stacked neatly upon her vanity
To Luna
To Lyra
To Atlas
To Astrid & Aries
To Nova
To Nerrin