[!] You find a newspaper in your aviary. Darned newspapers again. They always come when you least expect it, and the birds that carry them are never trained well enough for the task!
The Hay Herald: Volume 6
~The REAL news, straight from the source!~
Contents:
~Big drama! Village moot called!~
~Dolly Peregrin is now Elder!~
~Unspeakable Horrors~
~New Honeyhill Bank!~
~Bread is BACK!~
~Big drama! Village moot called!~
~The encounter on the Hay Pile~
After I deposed the old Thain, Lily Peregrin, lots of drama has come to Honeyhill. Thankfully, this all is getting cleared up as I write this. The Goodbarrels will intervene to stop a civil war and save properness for all halflings, which I greatly appreciate. May Honeyhill be free once again, as King Cyris and many others so desire!
My own son, Hal Applefoot, is still heckled by Lily's henchmen & Sheriff appointee, yet fear not, fellow halflings, for our village shall weather the storm and come out stronger than ever! The times be a'changing, and our village may bloom over with a thousand flowers once again!
The moot shall be on the Sun's Smile of this year, 690 Shire Reckoning! Be there or be a rotten pumpkin! ((3 pm est, Sunday the 25th of September, 2022))
~Dolly Peregrin is now Elder!~
~Dolly Peregrin hard at work making her own burrow, quite the accomplishment at her age!~
She asked to be Elder, and seeing as she has all the good-natured joy and youthful wisdom one can have, I hereby appoint Dolly Peregrin as a new Elder of Honeyhill! May she serve the position well and bring us into a new age of prosperity along with the others!
~Unspeakable Horrors~
It seems as though the Peregrin potty-training abilities have fallen to the wayside over the years, for the 'Thain', Lily Peregrin, has done some..... unmentionable things within Breasal's tavern room. Thankfully, it has all been cleaned up, although Lily herself had nothing to do with the cleanup! I shall be building new bathroom facilities across the burrow to address this problem such that it never, EVER, EVER comes up again.
~The tavern goers are stuck with the cleanup of Lily's little accident~
If you are reading this, Breasal, you might want to replace a few of the boards in your room, just to be sure. You can never be too careful with these things.
In brighter news, a new halfling has arrived at Honeyhill! He's a lovely little child, so do remember to pop on into his new tavern room and read him some bedtime stories whenever you are available!
~New Honeyhill Bank!~
~T'is merely a look-alike running the bank. I am not a banker! I promise!~
Honeyhill now has banking services for any bigguns who wish to pop through! This has been generously provided by the Thain of the Haense bigguns himself, KARL III. They are a very cool biggun-Thain, perhaps one of the best (although their little soldier-bigguns have a few issues at times)! While minas use is improper for halflings, this new bank should help us use the coinage as paperweights at the very least. Enough of the coins could even be smelted down into metals for jewelry, who knows!
~Bread is BACK!~
~A lady in the markets of Karosgrad ponders halfling bread~
Make no doubts about it, Bread is back! Having made an astonishing recovery after the Great Wheat Crash, bread is back in demand and back in style! The days of eating soggy potatoes are OVER! Now the masses will have nothing else but nice, warm, soft bread, fresh from the ovens and plopped right into their mouths! It's a good time to be a wheat farmer! Now is absolutely a good time to pick up some undervalued bread-related assets for speculative barter purposes! While nothing like the bread-bonanza that caused the Great Wheat Crash, there's some good pumpkin-value to be made here! Drop what you are doing and go get that bread!
The Hay Herald is not responsible for any financial losses as a result of following the financial advice contained within it. Always barter responsibly.
This has been the sixth edition of the Hay herald! I hope you readers found it entertaining and informative!
~Mimosa Applefoot,
the REAL Thain of Honeyhill