The Rambling Rose, First edition

[Draeris 3124]

 

 

THE RAMBLING ROSE

NEWS FROM THE OLDE FRONTIER

 

 

 

☩

HELVETS PUBLISHING HOUSE

A RHOSWEN-PRUVIA LTD. ENTERPRISE

DE SOLA STREET NR. 3, OWYNSBURG

THE FIRST EDITION

☩

 

MAYOR BREN ELECTED!

Kaedrin gains an army.. Of Employees

 

The race between Jószef Károly and Edmund Bren had ended in a close victory for the new mayor, ending a milestone event for the Commonwealth: its first election in decades. Mayor Bren was quick to establish a municipal government: appointing an army of bureaucrats to operate his bustling city.

 

“It truly is remarkable” a citizen expressed, stepping aside to make room for thirty stewards marching past her “Folks abroad would often joke about Kaedrin being dead, but then this Mayor employs a government larger than the ISA combined!” Another citizen plugged his ears as hordes of builders climbed onto each other to finish the City Hall within a single hour: “This city is never finished, innit?” he’d grunt, looking at the construction site behind him “But hey, at least this fella is getting things done!”. 

 

Mayor Bren’s flagship proposal that revolutionized Kaedreni politics, was to pave the roads in Owynsburg after mere decades. A day after his election, citizens woke up to pavements of stone and logical pathways to buildings. We found a woman on her knees, petting the stones on the ground “I-I get to see p-pavements in Owynsburg.” she wept, a tear strolling over her smooth pale cheek “I a-am so thankful..”. The rapid success of Edmund Bren truly is a testament to stellar Kaedreni governance!

 

LEGAL MAYHEM

Kaedrin's brightest minds convene

 

Shock, grief and denial: a subpoena was elegantly placed in front of the gates of Owynsburg. The people voted to ask the government to exile Boniface and Arthur, and they were simply not having it! Their legal offense was not taken lightly however, with Count Rochefort allegedly throwing a lawbook through Varoche Palace’s window. “These skunks… These.. Buffoons!” he shouted, stomping around the dining hall: “I will garner the greatest minds and decimate them in the courts!”.

 

The Count was a man of his word, as half of the Pruvia family, two papal attorneys and a crazed textualist all gathered in front of the Palace the next morning. After a lot of babbling, drinking and compensating for each other’s insecurities: the gathering formed a proper legal team and filed two subpoenas back at them. Can the populace handle four lawsuits? 

 

“Law is a sport, you see.” Jean of Ves would state, dusting off his crossbow “It’s a bloodsport, it riles people up. The ideal situation would be that Kaedrin subpoenas everyone that ever wronged us, including dead people” he’d nod proudly to his own idea “finest entertainment of all of Arcas”. The Rambling Rose Tavern, one of the newer companies in Kaedrin, rose to the occasion: hosting subpoena writing championships and mock trials against scarecrows dressed as Haeseni citizens. “Time of my life!” Rheanne of Ves expressed, practicing her pointing gesture towards a scarecrow resembling Boniface “Teaching men lessons through imperial legal procedures is perhaps my newest favorite pastime!”

 

RACISM IN KAEDRIN.. AGAIN

They just can’t help themselves, can they?

 

When Jeremiah of Ves had proposed a citizenship bill of his own to the House of Commons. It was worryingly racist: creating complicated procedures and rules for everyone but humans, and thus,  it was promptly rejected by the people. But he outsmarted the people, and managed to become Alderman of Civil affairs under the municipal government. From this position: he proposed the same citizen bill, but only slightly different. 

 

“They are a stubborn folk” professor of Kaedrin studies Chayim Silverstein Phd stated, sipping some tea in Owynsburg “The Empire has moved beyond the social notions of the White Rose, but there are always men jumping at the chance to discriminate against other races.” he shook his head “Racism in Kaedrin behaves like an intelligent cat: climbing over all sorts of barriers and traps to eventually maul a random elf.” Will the government do something against the rise of legislative racism? “Not really” Chayim responded skeptically  “Racism and Kaedrin are like a Crown and its king: without it, it just wouldn’t be the same.”

 

“How are the Kaedreni racist?” former Senator Károly scoffed at our correspondent “We had a cave dwarf Senator! Checkmate, you Josephite.” While certainly convincing, the mystery of recurring racism in Kaedrin remains to be unsolved. Whether the new and more subtly racist citizenship bill will pass the House of Commons, remains to be seen. But witnessing Payton Smith clubbing a High Elf with a shovel is not the most convincing of omens. 

 

LOCAL PEST: WOMEN DANCING IN WHEATFIELDS

Agrarian companies devastated by loss of profits.

 

The citizens of Owynsburg first appreciated the sight of women in white dresses and braids dancing through the wheat fields, some local painters even displaying the sight in the palace and city hall. But the cute sight became a significant economic burden, as the dancing simply didn’t stop. Local agrarian companies now struggle to harvest their fields: fearing to accidentally hit a woman with their scythes in the process.

 

“Mayor Bren must do something!” a farmer slammed his fist on his dinner table “I sell wheat for a living as you know. It’s a fair job.. Ruined by these jumping lasses!” Another farmer shook his head at that “Aye!  first nobody tended to these fields, then we had to fight off bandits. But we can’t possibly fight unarmed women?” The Farmer’s Union of Owynsburg is expected to deliver a petition to City Hall soon: asking for the Mayor to relocate the dancing women closer to Guise. But The Dancing Women of Wheatfields Collective Ltd. digresses: “Guise is a renowned remover of pests, as we have seen with their hunting of rats in the old Veszian sewers. Relocating our members to Guise will reasonably result in the death of many passionate Kaedreni citizens. These farmers will have blood on their hands!” the chairman, Rebecca de Getreide would show her palms to us “They will leave us to die at the hands of the de Fallstaffs!”

 

“I have no f**king idea what you’re talking about” Armande de Fallstaff would reply, dusting off his estate in the swamp “but we would definitely appreciate the presence of women here, especially those that can dance!”. The Government of Kaedrin refused to intervene in the dancing women situation, stating that “the invisible hand of the market will relocate the women to the best possible geographical location.”

 

A WORD WITH ED MYRE

An Everardine from Helena

 

Mr. Ed Myre has agreed to deliver a statement to the people of Kaedrin:

 

“Let the Everardines be known for three matters, our love of the common man, our love for small business and our desire to create a government that basks in legitimacy. First, large corporate entities have been propped up in the Empire. These entities own a large percentage of real-estate and control a large percentage of commerce. These entities harm small businesses. But not only this, there is an unaddressed problem in our highest offices.”

 

“We have allowed government officials to remain as the head of their businesses and business dealings when they take up the position. This must be put to a stop, I do not believe in the molding of big businesses and state. Naturally problems will arise, conflicts of interest should heads of businesses also be leading government officials.”

 

“I am too wary of the legitimacy and proper judgement of one of our most honored institutions, the Court. I believe certain judges have launched themselves into the political machine. They have lost their apolitical nature. Unlike the Josephites, we believe in an apolitical court, one which will herald a system of true judgements, no matter who is in office.”

 

“I do believe judges should not be making their own political affiliations particularly public. They can vote surely. But to openly campaign or champion a party, it seems to be a conflict of interest. You may have a Josephite call an Everardine judge bias should rule, or the other way around. That is something the system does not need. It hurts the rule of law.”

 

“Finally, a message to the realm;

The choice this upcoming election is clear. The Everardine Party wishes to end the mixing of government and business. We wish to uphold the legitimacy of the courts. We affirm our Canonist faith. We affirm our desire to remove the exclusivity of politics.”

 

“A vote for us, is a vote in your interest.”

 

 KAEDRENI OF THE DAY

Respecting the best among us

 

Mariana Dubois,

Minister of Interior

Resident Narcotic of the Palace

 

We of the Rambling Rose are thankful for Mariana Dubois: a diligent woman that de facto led the government before the army of bureaucrats arrived at the courtesy of mayor Bren. She led the building effort with Albrecht Euler, significantly expanding and renovating the city: making it a true jewel of the Commonwealth. 

 

She did all this while recovering from an incident relating to narcotics that had almost claimed her life. But her Rhoswenii health and daily prayers didn’t let the drugs win, causing her to rise as a phoenix and march onwards to help Kaedrin with unparalleled dedication. 

[zuziee 4004]

Grumbling as she read the last sentence of the article ‘Racism in Kaedrin.. Again’ simply saying to her friends, “This is not true, it was a poke to the side because he was in my way!”

[Fishy 2709]

The Governor-General collects the copy delivered to his office desk and muses through it in between paperwork.

[BigMacMoMo 214]

“These women dancing in the fields are getting out of hand!” The bishop would grumble as he put closed the well-written newspaper.

[MunaZaldrizoti 8037]

The Princess of Pruvia dances in the gardens of the Varoche Palace, reminiscing on the grand balls that were held in her youth.

[ydegirl 2357]

30 minutes ago, Draeris said:

Mariana Dubois,

 

Adrienne Dubois, the niece of the ‘ever-famous’ Mariana Dubois, happily squealed! Perhaps one day she’ll become the Kaedrini of the Day!

[Fritaux 28]

A beggar in Helena tucks a filthy, discarded copy of the newspaper into his bag. 

Late in the afternoon, he sits beside one of the picturesque canals to read.

”Dancing in wheatfields? The mad lasses! I s’pose it’s a suitable expedient to witchcraft.”

 

[bickando 3967]

“I know a knife ear, so I can’t be racist against them,” nods Louis Entier wisely. “Checkmate, Josephites.”

[DahStalker 3692]

Mariana holds tightly onto her bag of presumedly ground up chalk.

[Balthasar 2497]

Gawain sat in his home and read the newspaper thoroughly. He chuckled and said to his brother “That’s funny! They haven’t even written about the expansion of the Owynsburg” he then more seriously shook his head and tossed the paper aside to feast on some buttered bread