My Experience with Filibert Applefoot

[Osoa 46]

My Experience with Filibert Applefoot

[!] A picture of the slippery worm on his way to make another slanderous article!

Filibert Applefoot is a stain in our community. Not only has he attempted to ruin the reputation of me, he has also attempted to invade other halfling’s privacy. Time and time again he has done shady things that have gone nearly completely unnoticed. This article explains my experience and opinion of the liar and manipulator, Filibert Applefoot.

Written by Taurin Gardner.

 

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Point 1: Invasion of Privacy

In my opinion these are some of Filibert’s scummiest moves. People have a right to their own privacy, but Filibert has constantly released information to the public that has not been approved or allowed by the subjects in question.

 

Case One: Isalie’s Pregnancy.

One of the stories reported in Beetroot News: Volume 3 was titled “The Thain is Pregnant????”, in which Filibert talks about how my Wife may be pregnant. Not only did Filibert title the story with bad intentions (take note of the unconfirmed statement which the title implies is true), the whole article is a complete invasion of Isalie’s privacy. If she denied a statement, that either means that it’s not true or she doesn’t want it to be known yet.

Case Two: Kit-Kat and Andon’s relationship.

In Beetroot News: Volume 9, a story was reported titled: “K I S S I N G”, which involves a rumored relationship between the two mentioned. A quick look at the story will reveal the picture to go with the piece, which is an interpretation of what Filibert was seeing. Take note of the post the the left and the two halflings on the right, if this is what Filibert was seeing, then he would of been hiding behind the post in order to spy on them and get that juicy headline that he needs.

I went to the location depicted in the image and the results were staggeringly similar. The post just so happened to be a gigantic tree, the perfect place for someone to duck down and hide behind.

 

I received a letter from Kit giving me permission to write this piece and share a bit of insight on what the couple felt about the situation:

Kit: “I didn’t really care. Andon wasn’t happy.”

Me: “So you’re ok with me writing about this?”

Kit: “Yes. I asked Andon, he didn’t reply.”

Andon later got back to us.

Andon: “A ye! I’d b e happ y to t ell you what ev er.”

This proves that the two were not approached by the man behind Beetroot News and weren’t happy with what they saw.

 

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Side-Point 2: Unimportant / Irrelevant News

People seem to assume that just because someone reports on the news that makes them good at it. This is wrong, and Filibert is the perfect example of it.

 

In Beetroot News: Volume 2, one of the stories was titled “Hassenfort Burrow Overrun with Sweetberries!”. In this story, he talks less about the actual case and more about what sweetberries are and how little he has seen of the Hassenforts lately. There was only two sentences related to the actual news, which, may I add, is totally useless news that no one needs to know. It’s obvious that Filibert had ran out of ideas here and was searching for anything that he can milk at least 5 sentences out of.

 

Another thing of note is in the pages of Beetroot News: Volume 6, where one of the stories “Description of the Korvassa Crater” was present. This, admittedly, is a weaker point, but still proves Filibert is not sure where to go with his newspaper, thus making him a bad journalist. The Beetroot News is categorized as a “Halfling Gossip Newspaper.”, and yet is bringing these very serious subject into it. I think stories like this should be reported in more appropriate forms of media, such as a Government article. Also, he gives no credit to the dwarf mentioned who gave this description, essentially plagiarizing what he said!

 

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Point 3: Manipulative Content

Filibert wants you to accept his newspaper, and the best way of doing that is to drill into everyone’s head that HE is the best, that you should read HIS newspaper. This point shows all of Filibert’s attempts to make the reader want more.

 

Case 1: First Impressions

You know the saying “First impressions count.”? We’ve all heard a version of it before, and in truth, they are very important. Filibert has been using first impressions in EVERY single one of his articles, from Volume 1 to Volume 10. Look at the first sentence in each newspaper:

 

Better than the rest. Imagine reading these words over and over, you would start to believe them, wouldn’t you?

Case 2: Praising Himself

In Volume 7 of Beetroot News there is an article called “Halflings Act Stupid! Am I The Only Sane One Left?”

First off, the title is obviously meant to glorify himself, implying that he may be ‘The Only Sane One Left’.

At the second-to-last paragraph in this story we see the quote “I personally think they all have brain damage. We need better mental health services here in Brandybrook to prevent this sort of lunacy, as clearly what we are doing right now is not working.” If you want to show a large group of people that you are the best, that you know what you are talking about, you should show them how stupid they are first.

Case 3: Final Signature

Another repeated action is the signature in these newspapers. They always end with “Local halfling know-it-all.”, which is once again spreading the idea that he knows what he is doing, that he is the best.

 

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Finale: My Response

Despite calling himself a journalist, Filibert seems to not know what context is. And as he has not given it in his attempt to slander me, let me do it for him.

I was busy, hard at work, preparing Fort Knox for the inevitable demons when I heard some faint talking coming from outside.

Filibert: “Yeh wanna go ter Siramenor wif meh?”

Polo: “Wha's Siramenor?”

“T'a elves nearby! T'ey 'ave ah village as well!”

“Oh roigh', oi'm s'ill groun'e. Can', sorreh.”

“Grounded? Well, oi, ah adul', 'ereby Unground yeh fer t'a toime bein'!”

By this point I had stepped out of the library and was ready to stop this madness from happening.

Anne Sunbrook: “As technic'ly-still-Sheriff oi unground ye. Fer now.”

After this there was a lot of back and forth between everyone, with me saying that Polo is not to leave as there are demons on the loose. Anne then continued to PICK UP my child and take him away with Filibert, who was heavily endorsing and supporting Anne’s uncalled-for actions.

At this point I was getting quite angry and started to say some things as Filibert jotted them down into his notebook in an attempt to slander me later with no context involved.

So that’s the context. Anne and Filibert attempting to kidnap my child and take him away without my permission.

 

Next, let’s move onto the notebook. I do admit to nabbing it, but only because of the manipulative content Filibert had written in it. He has asked me to return it in his story on me, but the only reason why he wants me to is because I have proof that he has been writing quotes of mine to use against me in the notebook. If you don’t believe me, ask one of the witnesses that Filibert said himself were at the scene. Ask Gillsy, or Anne Sunbrook, or Polo. They should tell you that Filibert kept saying stuff like ‘this story is just getting better and better!’. If it was a normal notebook he could just get another. When he says “so that it will not come back to haunt him later” he doesn’t mean me, he means himself.

 

The ‘Anti-Free Speech Remarks’ were not Anti-Free Speech, they were Anti-Slander remarks. All I said was that if Filibert only produces lies, then he shouldn’t be reporting on the news.

 

And now, everyone, I present to you, Filibert’s notebook:

[!] A cut-out and creased page of a notebook is stuck here.

Now let me explain what these quotes mean.

1. I was referring to the vote they had done to see whether Polo left or stayed. Obviously the result was for Polo to leave because everyone there was acting like complete brainlets, like the people who trust the Beetroot News.

2. I was just telling them to go away and leave my son alone.

3. This is something I said to Filibert after our initial fight, he was probably going to steal it later to defend himself.

 

So there it is, My Experience with Filibert Applefoot and My Response to him. If you want the news but don’t want Filibert Applefoot, go read the Brandybrook Times. They seem a lot more fair and moral and reach out to subjects in question before publishing.

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

”Well, tha’s ‘t folks. ‘e bloodeh admi's ter ‘t. Now gimmie back meh Notebook before oi repor’ t’is inciden’ ter t’a Sheriff ‘n ‘ave ‘im lock yeh up!” Filibert would say quite angrily

”Ter beh hones’ Taurin, oi’m ge’’in’ sick o’ yer crud. Firs’ yeh take meh no’ebook, t’en yeh use t’a vereh no’ebook yeh stole frem meh ter try ‘n ruin me reputation!” He’d retort

”Now, lads, t’is all good ‘n dandy ter nay agree wif wha’ oi write, but scrounging through evereh Newspaper oi’ve ever written ter try ‘n find wrongdoin’s o’ mine is jus’ takin’ t’is ter far!”

”Yeh even repor’ t’a Swee’berries article as if ‘t is some sor’a grave sin! T’a bloodeh swee’berries article! Lis’en, oi’m sorreh tha’ oi wro’e about Swee’berries ins’ead o’ somethin’ else, bu’ oi see nay reason ter ge’ all worked up o’er somethin’ tha’ small!”

 

He’d then spend a moment to collect himself. He’d format a written response.

 

”Dear Taurin.

 

You blame me for writing about relevant and serious matters such as the Demons of Korvassa. You claim that I, as a writer of a gossip newspaper, should not discuss such maters. Yet, nearly in the same breath, you berate me over including stories you don’t deem worthy of print. Did you not just say that it is a gossip newspaper? Do tell me, do you want me to write serious stories, or non-serious stories? Or will you be mad at me no matter what I write?

 

You say that I praise myself too much. Perhaps you are right in that, yet your argument falls apart when you realize that, in many of these cases, I am in fact not engaging in some amount of stupidity that other halflings are. You say it is bad for me to consider myself sane among the insane when every other halfling wanders straight into the lair of the Korvassa Demons. I beg to differ. Might I remind you that YOU YOURSELF walked into that land of death and despair with seemingly no qualms. All of the bigguns who were present with us called those who ventured in deeper crazy. Another halfling, of some sort of druidic origin, also considered you all crazy for wandering into near certain death. Is this what you consider to be seriousness, Taurin? It’s wrong to call others out on this sort of behavior, yet it’s not wrong to engage in it yourself? You claim to be all level-headed when it comes to facing this Demonic threat, but for some reason you cannot even realize the wisdom in not walking straight into their home territory.

 

You continue to defend your actions, which consists of swearing multiple times in front of your own child, stealing my notebook out of spite, again right in front of your own child, then telling us all how you don’t care about anything, and storming off. All of this just to try and prevent your child from visiting Siramenor, which is:
A: Right next to Brandybrook, only a short walk away.

B: Probably safer from Demons than Brandybrook is.

C: Very friendly towards us, showing no signs of ill-will. These are the people we fought with against the basilisks, remember?

I consider your actions wrong, and I still expect an apology from you.

 

You accuse me of plagiarism by writing down a perspective from a dwarf who, I do recall, did not ask to be credited in any way.

 

You accuse me of breaking the privacy of halflings by telling stories that were already common knowledge. Do you know how I figured out that Andon and Kit-Kat were in a relationship? I was told it by the armored biggun, Evar-Soter, who frequents this place. He told other halflings, you know? Mabel, go talk her. She can hardly even read, and she knows that Kit-Kat and Andon do the kissy stuff sometimes. Do you know how I figured out that there were rumours of Isalie being pregnant? Nearly every other halfling was insisting that she was!

 

Taurin, I don’t think you’re a bad person. You just need some rest after having been hit so hard on the head. Please, spend a moment to do just that, and then we can both go on our merry ways.

 

-Regards,

Filibert Applefoot.

[Britannicvs 2508]

Alfie Greenholm bristled about Taurins declaration to his wife inside his burrow, stating. “How absurd, I myself have been a target of slander by Filiberts news, yet I still believe that gossip should exist in this village or else wheres the fun gone?”

[Hearth 1082]

"Ha" Spoke the Warden.

[Notic 953]

Sean sipped his pale ale, “Girls, Girls, yer bot’ pretty.” He chuckled to himself, “T’ese fawkin’ morons jus’ need tew hug it out. Filiber’ is a pain, bu’ Oi dun t’ink poorly o’ him er anybody in the village.” He finished the ale, “O’ well, still moighty fun tew watch em bicker loike Anne n’ Polo.”

 

 

 

Sean then got to the part about the kidnapping as he spat out his beer, “T’ey did wot!? Only Oi am allowed tew take Polo on random biggun adventures! Oi’m his Uncle Sean! Oim gunnae thwack yew, Filiber’!”

[Britannicvs 2508]

14 minutes ago, VWebb said:

Sean sipped his pale ale, “Girls, Girls, yer bot’ pretty.” He chuckled to himself, “T’ese fawkin’ morons jus’ need tew hug it out. Filiber’ is a pain, bu’ Oi dun t’ink poorly o’ him er anybody in the village.” He finished the ale, “O’ well, still moighty fun tew watch em bicker loike Anne n’ Polo.”

 

 

 

Sean then got to the part about the kidnapping as he spat out his beer, “T’ey did wot!? Only Oi am allowed tew take Polo on random biggun adventures! Oi’m his Uncle Sean! Oim gunnae thwack yew, Filiber’!”

“I’m not sure you can talk about people being pains.” Alfie shook his head to Sean.

[Trigamar 77]

Polo frowned, “...Das eh li’l mean, da’. Oi ‘ave bee’ groun’e’ fer tew munths now.”

[FloralHedgehog 493]

"Oh, ah didn't know they were 'n Applefoot, glad ter know there's still some O' me grandchildren 'r Grand Grandchildren about." Harold mused as they looked over the paper before simply waddling off back towards the Talus Grove