Sorrows of a Violet

[JTMedea 495]

Spoiler

 

Sorrows of a Violet

 

 

“No one was around so you decided to come out personally?!”

 

Sentences echo inside of the elfess’s head.

 

“You have a precious position in the entire Kingdom and you went out all on your own? This is why you’re always needed to be babysat!”

 

The elfess sat there in her bar, alone like usual. A glass of wine as her only company, but she couldn’t complain, wine always did help her forget. 

 

“You got this badly hurt and you still say you’re fine?!”

 

The elfess takes sip, trying to block out all the noise.

 

“When will you stop worrying me, Suika…”

 

She takes another sip, pain was something she had grown used to…physical, mental, emotional, she’s grown used to it all, to this elf, pain was just another normal feeling.

 

“You wish to learn the arts of healing without being healed yourself…hmmm?”

 

Finally she feels warm tears begin to stream down her face, it seems that that’s all she’s been doing for the past few years. Smiling in front of her loved ones and letting the tears flow down her cheeks when she sits alone. The elfess closes her eyes, trying to remember when she was truly happy, when she really had no worries…and within her own mind she sees a woman, her golden sunlight eyes were something the elfess would never forget, and her sweet voice was one that this elfess always found comfort in.

 

“Medea, my Little Lion.” 

 

The elfess would smile, remembering the sweet yet powerful voice of her mother. She was a woman this elfess looked up to from the very first day they met, someone that Medea did her best to fight for and be strong for, even though sometimes it feels hard to do so. Remembering her mother always did bring a smile to her face but that smile only lasts for a few seconds cause she knows she will never get to hear that voice in the real world again.

 

“Mon Cheri..I'm sorry.”

 

Another gentle voice she remembers, the man she married, the man she shared many loving memories with, the man she had beautiful children with, surely the voice of this man is what brings her joy? It did…for a long time…until he left her and she was alone once more.

 

“I leave Vikela in your hands now, sister.”

 

Another sweet voice that Medea misses, a voice she knows she will also never get to hear again, surely her sister is peacefully resting with her mother now.

 

All of a sudden the search for a good memories turns into torture.

 

“You’re reckless.”

 

“Stop acting like a child”

 

“Think before you act.”

 

“You’re not doing it right.”

 

“Work harder.”

 

“You’re going to get us killed.”

 

“You’re weak.”

 

“You will never be good enough.”

 

The elfess feels herself drowning in despair.

 

“When will I be enough…”

 

Surrounded by love, surrounded by family, surrounded by friends, yet this elf finds herself feeling lonely, feeling guilt, feeling hopeless.

 

“How do I be better for them..?”

 

“How do I become a better mother..?”

 

“How do I become a better partner…?”

 

Questions she asks herself everyday. Questions that sinks her deeper and deeper into her despair, and the further she falls, the harder it becomes to crawl back to the surface…the harder it becomes to make her way back to the light.