The Waffle Castle Incident - The Holy See.

[FashionBeard 225]

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Late one  day when the sun began to set and the shadows grew long, I felt a familiar creeping welling up within my stomach begging for something to eat. By this time I had grown tired of the day already, I had neither the energy to cook nor could I find any brother or sister for which to bother for my concerns. Momentarily I had questioned if I should simply have taken it as an opportunity to fast in honor of GOD. 

 

I should have listened. I should have followed through and not second guess myself. I decided I wanted something to eat, and like a fool, I went searching.

 

Once the sun fell below the horizon I began stalking through the roads searching for anything to tame the increasingly raging beast inside my stomach. I was just about to give up hope when I felt a menacing aura overtake me, and from the shadows I could feel the burning gaze of an other being stalking me like prey. Cautiously I peered into the darkness to see the approaching threat, a metallic scraping echoing down the cobbled road. I could see the glinting of the moon against the silvery metal of a hand-pushed cart full of mysterious tools and objects fast approaching me. 

 

The man behind the cart looked friendly enough claiming to be selling burgers of the highest quality, food that will last a lifetime and never go bad. At first I was skeptical, but I didn’t have time to question it when hunger began overtaking my body. He offered me two burgers for a single coin, a strange deal, but it was what I needed at the time. 

 

Taking the coin, the man grabbed burgers from his cart. They were warm, but they were the saddest burgers I have ever seen in my entire life. They were flat and of dull colors, a fist imprint pressed into the top bun as though the entire thing had been gripped and made with great force. Unable to control my hunger I shoveled the demon burgers into my mouth and thought nothing of it. I could have sworn the man moaned as I did so, although I couldn’t fathom this being the case. Overall, the burgers weren’t terrible, although they were nothing exceptional in a way I would recommend. 

 

Biggest mistake of my entire life. 

 

Later that evening those infernal sandwiches began a crusade in my stomach that my anus never stood a chance at surviving. Lying in bed my stomach began blaring like the sounds of a million evil trumpets screaming in unison. The smells I produced were akin to being trapped in an outhouse built atop a thousand rotting corpses that have been baking in the heat for three weeks with all the smells being trapped inside the toilet. 

Jumping out the bed I ran in search of the nearest toilet, river, or hole in which to relieve myself, not to mention the brief fit of vomitting.. To cut it short, the experince was panicked, awful, and thankfully shrouded in the cloak of night.

 

By the time the horrors had passed I began searching for a hole to throw myself into so that I could keel over and die peacefully. I felt violated hoping that this wouldn’t be my end, the fear of my legacy being me found slouched over dead before the most unholy hole of excrement ever seen overwhelming. It has since been nearly three days and I have yet to fully recover.

 

Overall I would rate my experience a 6 out of 10.

- Penned reluctantly: Ex-GrandMaster, Halston Veyont.

Edited April 24 by FashionBeard

[Malaral Hedeki 21]

Dearest valued customer, I assure you that every bit of quality that you paid for went into the love and tender care of those most delicious of burgers and their preparation! I spare no expense ensuring the longevity of my product. Unfortunately I cannot refund your order at this time, for the window to do so has already passed, or ever existed in the first place. 

 

I appreciate the glowing rating though! A whole 6/10? I'm mounting that on my wall over my bed so I can kiss it every morning when I wake up hunger over and ready for the day! 

 

I promise it was only a fluke, come by again for another unforgettable dining experience with WaffleCastle! Perhaps try our breakfast menu next? Made with love, handled with care, and served with bacon. The only true way to start the day! 

Edited April 24 by Malaral Hedeki