SortedJarhead

Lars the dung farmer proceeds to dispose of the Romstun's waste. He noted the significant volume of soiled pantaloons. "I can't read m'lord!" he would state when pressed on the issue.

Lars the dung farm wandered around the dung piles late into the night. He was stricken by the death of Sir James Madron. No, Lars have never spoken to the knight personally. Lars does not speak to men of such high stature. However, Lars had for many years collected the dung of the 'Enforcer' and had noted a savory sweet odor that only results from a strong diet. "The Empire had so much left to learn from this man.." Lars would proclaim "On balanced eating, fibre intake, and gut health."

Lars the dung farmer brandishes his stinky shovel. "I demand better pay!" he shouts towards the palace .

Lars the dung farmer considers immigrating to this Sedan, as he suspects the demand for removing dung from pants is high right now. While Lars lacks a formal education or knowledge in the fields of economics, he sure knows the dung market. "Little known fact" Lars would comment "the dung business is not going anywhere. Actually, the market for quality dung is at an all time high. And his Imperial Majesty's campaign against the dwarves has offered me a steady supply of soiled pantaloons."

[A notice is sent out across the Holy Oren Empire] SIR KEAGHEN ARMAS HAS DIED The former Vice-chancellor, Sir Keghen Armas, is proclaimed dead. He passed of precarious causes, where-as a prawn imported from the lands of Savoy was lodged within his throat. He was saved by a faithful soldier, but then tripped and hit his head on a bar table within the Novellan. The Armas family believe he died happy, as he was very passionate about sea food. Keaghen Armas may or may not be remembered for his political career. He served in 3 consecutive Imperial Diets, as Chair of the Josephite Union, and as Vice-Chancellor of the Azor Ministry. His biggest regret was passing the Napier Dignity Act, giving the right of Citizenship to Half-Orcs. This bill haunted him his entire life, and he believe he would face damnation to hell for it. He looked forward to eternal damnation, where he believed he would be reunited with his fellow Josephites. Lastly, the Armas family would like to use this melancholy moment to raise advocacy for the dangers of Savoyard Prawns [fig 1.] and their constricting effects on the throat. fig 1. Prawns in their natural habitat

sorry makes too much sense

RP Name: keaghen armas MC Name: sortedjarhead Voted: Yes

A LETTER IS DISPATCHED ACROSS PROVIDENCE FROM THE OFFICE OF THE RIGHT HONOURABLE SIR KEAGHEN ARMAS HOPE. Help Older People Eat As I write this endorsement, I sit in the famous Illation restaurant of Lily’s Bistro, a wonderful location in central New Providence. It is a wonderful, quaint establishment with fine dining at a fair price. As an old man, it is sometimes difficult for me to eat. But the simplicity of the food here, and the blandness of the palette, makes a comfortable experience for someone my age. Honestly, it is more than a restaurant. It is a home in which I feel cared. Edith Hope, the owner of this fine establishment, has proven again and again that she cares for the elderly. That takes a special kind of person. A person who puts others before herself, who values experience and knowledge. Edith Hope now hopes to become the mayor of New Providence, I hope that my fellow citizens will hope as much as I hope for Edith Hope. Hope has the leadership, hopeful optimist, and experience we can all hope for in a leader. I too hope that you hope for a better future, one with hope on the horizon. I hope you all put Hope on your ballot this mayoral election, and hope for the best. I am Sir Keaghen Armas and I hopefully endorse EDITH HOPE for LADY MAYOR.

MEMBERSHIP REGISTRATION FORM Name: SIR KEAGHEN ARMAS Age: 65 Sex: Yes Statement of Expertise: RETIRED VICE-CHANCELLOR OF THE HOLY OREN EMPIRE RETIRED LEADER OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS WAS KNIGHTED WAS PREVIOUS SOCIETY MEMBER

KEAGHEN ARMAS ESCAPES! Fig 1. Keaghen Armas counting the years he was gone. Many moons had passed since the trepid Adunian Statesman had disappeared. Swept beneath the waves while fishing, he had been thought dead. His family and allies in the Imperial Court mourned, while his political opponents cheered as the last Josehpite could no longer stall their ambitions. With Keaghen's absence, Nationalist ambitions played into reality and the institutions of state eroded. However, to no ones knowledge, the senior politician was alive. Trapped upon an island deserted in the ocean. Over a decade of solitude is difficult on a man. Thankfully, Keaghen was not alone. It seems he was not the only victim of the storm which bowed him to desertion. Only a week after he washed up, another broken craft floated by - and slave ship of Krugmar who's mast had broke was dragged ashore. Alive was a dozen gobos, Uzg, Buzg, Duzg, Chuzg, Fulzg, Nuzg, Muzg, Lunuzg, Shuguzg, Kuzg, Ruzg, and Kyle. While the gobos were of little skill, Keaghen was a fine administrator, and together they formed a self sufficient colony on the desert island. The Gobos laboured to Keaghen's instructions, and in communal benefit, they all survived for many years. Keaghen has taken the name Kuzg, and was their chief upon a throne of coconuts. It was a prosperous and fair colony, and Keaghen was seen as a fine leader. Roles rotated amongst the Gobos, who controlled the means of production, and everything was free. There was a 99% education rate and Keaghen has abolished capital punishment. Cactus green was illegal, but decriminalized, as to prioritize rehabilitation. The birth rate was at 0.86%. Keaghen only kept 2 of the gobos as personal consorts. The billionaires and millionaires where taxed fairly. There was no inequality. One day, Keaghen was sat upon the Coconut Throne. He beckoned his goblin tribe. One gobo, Kyle, has brought upon him a gift. A bottle of wine. "Where did ye find this?" Keaghen "Kuzg" had asked. The gobos pointed across the shore. "Dere." said Kyle, the largest Gobo and Keaghen's second. "On da mainlandz." Keaghen gasped! He stood and squinted at the horizon. Very subtly, he could see land. "The mainland? How far are we from Almaris?" Keaghen shouts! The island which Keaghen and his gobo tribe lived on was only 1 mile off the coat of the Holy Oren Empire. Keaghen, however, never looked that closely to the west. Soon, his gobos built a raft. He waved them goodbye as he sailed back to the Empire. "I'll come back for ye." Keaghen said to his gobos. They cried as they waved their Chief behind, as the trusted he would return for them. Keaghen did not. It took only 1 hour for Keaghen to float back. He arrived on the shore of Henry's Warf, and walked back towards the Imperial City... Town criers cried across the empire. "KEAGHEN ARMAS ALIVE!!"

Where is Keaghen Armas? The unfortunate story of the lost vice-chancellor, the most fair, most fashionable, most humble, most valient, most womanizing, must grand, most drunk, most amazing, most bi-curious, most greatest chancellor to bless the Holy Oren Empire, and Adunian to walk upright. Vice-Chancellor, Sir Keaghen Armas 1813 It began a normal morning in the Armas Estate almost a decade ago. Sat around the table with his wife Alexandria and his infant child Kylah, they would discuss their daily plans. Upon this day Keaghen’s older sister, “Big” Bertha Armas was travelling into Providence and had insisted they go fish down the Redenford River. Keaghen, not very fond of his sister, had his arm twisted. “You do not have to go..” Alexandria assured him. “Ye know I must.” Keaghen replied. “Ye dun nae know what me sister is like when she’s told nae.” “And,” he added “She supported me through that Ivy Dust addiction, ay. It would be rude to forget her now.” Alexandria retreated. The Vice-Chancellor pecked the head of his child, unbeknownst it was their last encounter. Bertha Armas, 1811 “Me brotha!” Bertha yelled from down the riverbank. “Es about time ye showed up - give yer big sis a hug!” The woman, a few years older than Keaghen but double or triple in weight he estimated, waddled in a half-sprint towards him and lifted him above her head! “It’s been so long!” she screeched, pulling him into her folds. Keaghen could only let out a murmur. They got in a wee wooden raft, and had begun a long day of fishing. Keaghen, an avid angler, was procured much more river trout than his sister. In jealousy, she fumed. In competition, she remained focused and silent. Their raft navigated down the river, coming down the bend south of Providence. Those who know the river know the rapids which run beneath the bridge. Keaghen and his sister, locked in competition, did not notice. Just before the bridge he pulled in the biggest fish he ever saw! A 10 foot river trout. Bertha huffed, and puffed, her face turned red and she jumped up from her seat. She screamed, flailed, pouted and stomped her feet. “How did ye do that!” she shouted. Her tantum rocked the little boat. She jumped up and down. THUD! Her large mass punctured right through the floor of the boat, and she slipped into the waters. Keaghen dropped the fish startled. He wanted to save her but water soon flooded the boat. Then, he noticed the rapids approach. “SHITE!” he yells as the wooden raft is pulled down the rapids. Hitting the rocks below, the boat shattered. Keaghen held onto a broken piece, but once resurfaced, had already floated past the river delta - he was drawn out to sea! Keaghen Armas, present day For many days Keaghen floated. The dry sun berated upon his fair Adunian skin and he thought death was near. Yet, upon his third day he saw a seagull above him. Land! Abandoned in the middle of the ocean, a small deserted island was found. Those familiar with J J Abrams hit 2000s TV Show LOST would imagine it like that. That is where Keaghen Armas be, and no one know he is alive. THE WILL The news of Sir Keaghen’s disappearance is not really news, it happened a decade ago. However, to safeguard against mistaking his death when he just may be on a bender, his lawyers where instructed to wait 10 years before releasing his will. As an extra security measure, he had given a key to each of his lawyers, Henrick Komnenos @KamikazeReaper and Ricky O’Rourke @Jameson_h, that had to be used simultaneously to open a chest. In that chest was a map, which marks a tree. Under that tree is another chest, with another lock only Simon Pruvia had. In that chest was a puzzle developed by skilled monks from Yong Ping, which was given to Henry Penton to decipher. The puzzle, once completed, opened a compartment with a note. That note read: Second drawer of my desk. There, within the second drawer of Keaghen’s desk was his will. IN EVENT OF MY DEATH MY WIFE ALEXANDRIA ARMAS AND DAUGHTER KYLAH ARMAS SHALL HAVE BY TRAILER, BY BELONGINGS, AND MY LEGACY. HIS IMPERIAL MAJESTY JOHN VIII SHALL HAVE MY WIFE AND DAUGHTER. @KosherZombie PLEASE RAISE THEM IN YOUR COURT, TO BE GOOD CITIZENS, WITH A SILVER SPOON. AN UPBRINGING US POOR HARRENITES DIDN’T HAVE. ALSO NAME SOMETHING NEAT AFTER ME. LIKE A PUB OR A ALLEYWAY. IF MY BODY IS PRESERVED, GIVE EDITH HOPE MY [redacted] END

"Edith?" Keaghen Armas questions upon reading the opinion piece. "She hasn't been seen in years, I only assumed she died in battle with the Nordlings!" He states aloud to an empty office.

why is my father so disappointed in me?

The Vicechancellor Sir Keaghen Armas lounges in the Imperial Treasury with a wide grin as the war reperations are deposited. Cart upon cart full of Minas, gold, and treausure unloading in tribute from Varhelm. Even livestock is herded into the city, as these poor Nordling tribesmen must sell everything to afford the costly decisions made by their King! He drifts off to warm thoughts of Nordling Chiefs sleeping on the floor, unable to afford straw for beds. "It's a great day to be an Imperial.." he mutters in his dreams as he curls up within a mountain of Minas.

SURNAME: Armas FIRST NAME: Keaghen ADDRESS OF RESIDENCE: Lil Ves 6 YEAR OF BIRTH: 1775 Are you registered and eligible to vote in the Providence District? yes Do you have any other title, peerage or military service that may conflict with becoming a Member of the House of Commons, as per the Edict of Reform (1763)? no If yes, do you understand that you will be required to resign or abdicate from this position should you be elected to the House of Commons, and if this does not occur your seat shall be considered to be vacant?: yes ((MC NAME)): SortedJarhead

AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE IMPERIAL CHANCELLERY OF THE HOLY ORENIAN EMPIRE 12th of Harren’s Folly, Year of 1824 Too long have the radical terrorists known as the "MRA" plagued our lands and caused irreparable damage for His Imperial Majesty’s denizens. These extremists targeted too the State of Vortice, a port city whom have faces similar destruction at the hands of radicals. Their actions are unforgivable and their cause erroneous. Most recently the "MRA" terrorists dishonorably ambushed a MoJ patrol in the Western region of the Empire. Be it enforced that the d’Azor Ministry condemns all actions performed by the terrorist group known as the MRA. They are to be branded outlaws, arrested on sight within His Imperial Majesty’s realm and brought to justice. There is no place for violent extremists in the Holy Orenian Empire. Signed, His Imperial Excellency, the Vice Chancellor, Sir Keaghen J. Armas

A lot of people think of the Wars of the 19th Century when they think of muskets, like the Napoleonjc wars. That point in time is already after 400 years of use and development of firearm technology and tactics. But really, Guns are medieval. Thank you.

Muskets are fantasy. Thank you.

Prepared to seek peaceful compromise with the fearsome "Needle", Keaghen Armas reaches for his quill only to find it stolen by the sneaky Musin.

His Imperial Excellency, the Vice-Chancellor does not condone the fit of glasses as reputable evidence. In a fit of displeasure, he writes a strongly worded letter to the Solicitor-General...

The Vicechancellor rejoices, for peace prevails amongst the Canonist realms!

RP Name: keaghen armas MC Name: sortedjarhead Voted: Yes