Bandit rp is fun when people are not too proud to lose. I wouldn't mind losing an inventory just because I got caught off guard. Same with the bandit side. When things don't work out as planned, no need to get angry about it. It is mostly how chill you are or how much you don't like the opposite side. I have seen a weird dude attacking the same place in same manner for at least 20 times. It was just annoying after some point.
Raiding, banditting is only fun when people act accordingly to RP. Bandits live their life by this so most of the time they actually can choose to let you go in exchange for one or two items or some money. If you have items in your inventory that you don't want to lose, just offer them something else and hope for a relaxed bandit. I've been on the server nearly for 1 year and I can assure you bandits and defenders bot expect mass level of toxicity and weird troll roleplay. When you act accordingly, you might get a reasonable response.
Only problem I've had with bandits and raiders are throw away characters. Dying has literally no impact on Lotc. Nation leaders joining for unimportant skirmishes or raiding or banditting is weird concept for me. In my opinion, when you do something dangerous, you should be ready for the consequences. How can you expect the opposite party to give in to your demands or pk in an assassination attempt when you don't make the same commitment? I surely wouldn't pk or play in a relaxed state to "Methas Shaw" who died at least 15 times by my characters hand and more from others.
tl;dr
Don't expect to win everytime, try and be chill about the conflict and actually roleplay actually if you are risking your life on the attempt visa versa
Edit: Rules do suck because most of the time they are influenced to a side whichever that side might be.