Xergarok

Brôk reads the missive, nodding at its contents. "Vereh interesting takes, ah should join the Clergy to discuss these things!"

Brôk Irongut had finally returned from a long journey to rejoin his kin, only to find great loss. "These be interestin' times ter be returnin' tuh dah fold... Nay rest in Vuur'dor, orb or otherwise, that's fer sure."

I've got a few questions and remarks. 1. Small discrepancy; Demi-Djinn have varying amounts of genus depending on the Phase they're in. If you wish to include this in your genus list (by no means necessary, since it's in the Demi-Djinn lore), you might want to define genus per Phase. Question for the Olog genus count; why is it so high? 2. So the drawback in the form of the Serpent Sickness is arguably much worse than before, even though it no longer seems to include the vulnerability to blood-based diseases and Azhl poisoning. In the same breath you also refer to the solution, so I'm going to assume you essentially aim for every Blood Mage to become a Klone or die. Oddly enough, that's where the consequences... Stop? Why doesn't the sickness just reset? Your new body (unless it's, as always has been, some special CA) would still be subjected to the strain of the magic, no? 3. The way Rebound is formulated seems confusing to me. It feels like the effect is instantaneous, can you prepare for it? Can one experience a Major Rebound without being wounded at all (theoretically possible in the previous iteration)? It's as if a Rebound is either lethal or it isn't. If it is, then it's much like a one-shot kill. If it isn't, then the worst that can happen is being heavily wounded. Though I like the idea for self-RP, it loses the versatility of the previous failures. Can otherworldly guardians still be accidentally summoned if this is ran by an ET? Can one prepare? Also, do the wounds carry over to new Klones, or only this vaguely defined 'deeper insight' into BM? 4. Why do disconnected BM's lose all their knowledge? To me it seems like there is no need for this. A disconnected BM could very well remain part of a Coven or be involved in these activities. Perhaps they're forced to disconnect to stay alive, but don't want to just be cut off from their entire RP world. Seems to me like this is for BM's to 'protect' knowledge. But a BM could make notes... They could re-study whatever they might forget. BM's woud KNOW they'd lose their knowledge after a while, or if someone is disconnected they know. With this I mean to say: Knowledge is dysfunctional if they're disconnected, so why strip them of their memories? It's as if disconnected BM's are like... Traitors, and they have to be silenced via this rule. Heck, this even affects relationships. 5. Am I missing something with the Runescribing spell? What is the purpose of this? The introductory sentence made it seem like this 'helps' you with remembering rituals and runes, but it's more like a requirement. Per tier a rune on the body, if the runes are gone you can't cast? A rune is added by a teacher why knows how to carve the rune? Why would you on one hand encourage the use of new bodies like Klones (because the drawbacks are much greater in this version), but also force one to carve the runes each time? You also track this yourself... Like, why wouldn't you just keep new spells on the forums (one-time effort of ST like it is now), but RP having a corresponding rune (if you wanted that flavor)? 6. Why would you add this Rite of Commutation? Is it solely to get more modifiers? Wouldn't the simple answer be to find a bigger coven? Same thing for the Rite of Preservation, but then with genus. 7. The Rite of Revocation. 'Overwrites' seems like a very powerful and smooth process. Simply erasing a soul (because it doesn't mention a swap, which might have been interesting) through this ritual (and therefore setting the precedent of BM's being able to do actual Soul-meddle-stuff) has implications which are, in my opinion, not justified in this piece of lore. It's also strange to add this, because it seems to me that it serves to include a way to circumvent drawbacks in your own rewrite. Do you also need to carve the runes back into this new body? And if the victim can just respawn... I don't see it right now, but it may very well become an interesting concept to work with. 8. The Rite of Advancement. At a great cost... What great cost? Why wouldn't you make these shards? Can you make a set of them and store them, then just replace broken ones like fixing a lightbulb? Another roll-bonus as well as lowering the risk? This also seems to imply a normal Major Rebound IS usually lethal and instantaneous which is problematic from the other end of the spectrum in that you can't mitigate it unless you use this shard. 9. The Rite of Revelation. Why add the creation of spells? Any redlines to those, or is it just to be left up to MArt-judgement whether a spell should be given to a BM? Completely freeform is interesting, but spells have to come from somewhere... Are all of these spells, at their core, genus-powered for example? Just like some more information on the spell part as to your vision. 10. Rite of Embarkation. So... One genus per 48h is so little you can essentially open up a portal, and keep it open permanently at a very low cost. You also added charms for more genus, so one mage could maintain a set of multiple portals. I get that you'd want a way to keep it open to freely explore, perhaps this can be done differently or worked out differently? 11. Most central point of your rewrite... The combative aspects. I like the idea of combative BM, but perhaps it can be worked out further? The limb-control blood-bend, does an opponent have any way to block this? General impact of anti-magic protection against such blood-bending? I do like the idea of healing, always interesting to have some combative support, perhaps more eggs in that basket? 12. EDIT 1: I've been told Naztherak can summon 5 imps outside of combat. Each imp can offer 2 genus, this can make the need for any genus-gathering or sacrifices obsolete. Anyways, if I have misread things, feel free to simply correct me. Just asking questions. I like the idea of a rewrite to make it more accessible for players, and your formatting and structure sure work. Just think that the actual reason for change, the combat, can be defined more and take on a thought-out aesthetic. Bloodbending is a unique take, and so could the focus on healing be. Blood-projectiles make it come across, to me, as a blood variant of a voidal evocation. On the numerous reworks which strongly influence the difficulty of the rituals, teaching, drawbacks, I'd suggest a reconceptualization of such.

Dwonki checked the occasional news from Urguan. "Stone'ammers... Valor, warriors... Ahn apparent call-back tah the glory 'o the past. Perhaps ah should talk tuh this Sigrun. Though ah doubt 'e will come 'n pay ah visit tuh Gotrek Industries anytime suun..." The Beardling stroked his beard as he put down the paper, getting back to work.

Signatory of Region: Gotrek Union User: Xergarok Persona Name: Dwonki Persona ID: #81473

Irongutenberg lays its eyes on Borok one final time as it watches how the Rex gives out orders to his kin. It dwells within the lands of Krugmar, a place it once knew so well. "Weeeeee must aaaaal peeeerish oooneeee daaaay...." it rumbled slowly, wandering through the West as it receives the news. "Find peace, friend." it said as its voice changed.

Darkness would be its part, its crimson ichor all but spent as defeat was at hand. Dark red steam rose from between the metal plating, segments of its spine trying to hold its faltering body up... The master had failed... The master had failed... Raw hatred gushed through its veins while this thought plagued its mind. Short pain. Then... Nothing.

Kroak'Lak meditates in the deep swamps, bubbles of hot air rising from the puddles nearby. As mists drift around him, he decides to spend the rest of the day learning about his Clan. "Lup'Laklul" the hobgoblin croaks.

Dwonki was speechless, euphoric and enraged at the same time. "Wot ah grand reasoning tah beh sure! Ah wish ah 'ad dah patience tah dig thru maneh documents tah delve up dah truth!" he said. "Rraaaaaaaaaah!" he let out in frustration, knowing he didn't have the patience at all. After he calmed down he checked the name. "Barundin..." he echoed softly.

In a moment of enlightenment does the hot-headed Starbreaker speak to like-minded kin as he dwells within Kal'Darakaan. For how long he will continue to live there, he does not know, for he feels his words too might be censored. "Et appears tah meh t'at this schism was unavoidable. Rebelling Rhun Cultists seeking tah upset dah status quo by provoking' ah reaction through their actions, and dah suh called official Dwedmar faiths who seem tah 'ave nay idea wot t'ey stand fur. These oaths are naught but ahn example 'o 'ow t'ey seek tah fill the void tha lack 'o true spiritual content leaves. Et ain't about dah oaths, et's about wot message this sends... But et seems our Rhun Cult daen't shy away from needlessly raising Cain..." Dwonki rubbed his forehead.

It's... beautiful...