A Look From My Perspectives....

[Rethai 163]

Before you continue with this post, I'd highly encourage you don't just pop up on here to "**** Post". This is a legitmate thread where I will be explaining my struggles, POV, etc. The reason being for this post is a lot of others who call me toxic ask me to write why I'm so toxic, and I will be! No names will be put out, so do not worry. If you see ##### That is a redacted name. Please read through the entire post before posting, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not post about anything that isn't comments about THIS post or anything having to do WITH this post. Thanks! Enjoy my POV. :)

 

 

    Last year, around February I joined LotC! It was the fringe.. and everything was chaotic. I was deemed an impatient player from the beginning by some AT because I wasn't the happiest about getting my application denied a few times. I was brought on here by a player who was known to be a troll and toxic which didn't help my case. From an early playing time on Lotc, I was known as toxic because of being friends with him. I also learned how to RP with him, which just worsened me in the long run. Thankfully a player who was rather good at RP saved me from diving too deep.

 

  Going into Thales I decided that you could do ANYTHING on the internet, including pissing people off which is exactly what I did! As many of you know, i was banned early Anthos for Toxicity and No-Rp killing SEVERAL people simply for some RP which I lost at. This resulted in the few players that thought I had a chance with the community and my reputation drop and move away from me because to be quite frank, why would anybody want to be friends with me. At this point with Lotc, I am known to be toxic for both legitimate and non-legitimate reasons.

 

    After I served my time, I came back late late late Thales and kept low. I reunited with the player whom brought me on the server (Big Mistake!) and got worse again.. Early Athera I was banned with him for toxicity. At this point, everybody hates me for the most part. I honestly think that ONE mod still liked me out of the entire server. This is when I began to get the skype messages which ranged from insults to death threats and wishes. I ignored them for the most part until my parents decided to have a custody battle over me.. Again... (fun!). After this court trial ended, I went into complete depression. I stopped eating, I stopped talking and I stopped doing the things I loved for the most part. Through this, I decided to use Mine Craft as my gateway from reality and began Alting.. A lot.. I could've been unbanned but my time was doubled, tripled, etc. I finally however ran out of alts and around earlyDecemeber 2015 I pulled my **** together big time. I threw my chin up and made a new skype along with tried to change for the better on the internet.

 

   When I was unbanned on January 1st I came on with a smile on my face, although the majority of the server hated me. I helped in WS daily.. No, more like hourly and tried to be the best player I could be when in reality, I didn't exactly want to. I wanted to try to change so I can win back the community that once was so accepting of me in my first week of the server. I went from horribly toxic to a model player. I won the majority of the community back and everything was going fantastic. However, starting late March, I stopped helping as the hate began to come in again. I stopped being friendly but didn't go so far as to be toxic. However, I had occasional Skype outbursts with others whom I didn't like. I became very passive agressive and decided that it was my way or the high way. With that being said, I launched myself into a short-temper life style for the internet. It worked for me until a player trolled in my city and angered me. This was also a time where my father tried to contact me again (fun!) and my Grandmother passed (More fun!).  I screamed at the player both IG and OOCly and eventually Killed her with the bare minimum RP attached. Thus I was banned for a No=Rp kill and for a non-friendly behavior. I was angry with my ban, now I take it as a warning from the admin which banned me who cared about me enough to ban me before I became full on toxic and was Perma-banned. For that I thank you. Although I still have some Skype outbursts, I am doing my best to filter out of the toxic phase.

 

    Why am I writing this? It just seems like a timeline.. I'm writing this because I want you to know where I stand and where I'm coming from in general on the topic of LotC. I want you all to know why I was acting this way, and why I have random outbursts.. A lot ask if I'm "Bipolar" And "Do you have home issues". Well, the answer is yes (To home issues). I also want to point out that I have been better, and of course I will try to get better as the path of redemption is a long, hard and steep path to walk.

 

   What am I asking from you? I'm asking for mostly support. My early appeal date is 5/16 and if I get unbanned, I'd like to have a supportive player base. You don't have to welcome me back, and you don't have to be my friend. I would just appreciate the Skype messages to halt, and hear nothing but good things or constructive criticism. What else does this mean? I'd like you to ding me if I screw up. If I have a slip, i want to be notified because I don't want a repeat of the last year. I don't want to be labeled a toxic player, as nobody does. I want an 8th chance, if you will.

 

     Also, this post was in no way shape or form meaning to offend, call out, or challenge ANYBODY. This again is simply my POV from everything and my side of the many stories.

 

       I wrote this post due to a recent ban appeal comment that basically said you need to pull your stuff together, even though you are having problems OOC this is a RP server along with my friends which I've made on LotC. I want them, you, God, and everybody to know that I want to change and that sometimes things get in the way of that. (For example, my family problems). I look forward to my return.

 

tl;dr : I gucked up bad, I know it.. OOC problems influenced me and I want the support of the community to get me back on track

 

As always, have a great day/night LotC.

 

 

EDIT: No, this post was NOT for brownie points with the staff team. I had and have NO intentions on getting anything out of this post but the ability to be supported and not cyber-bullied from now on.

 

Jack Mills

 

~ Jacque Praedium ~

[Salvo 1852]

 

tl:dr

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: Don't come onto the server if you have IRL issues.

 

There is no peace to be found here, unless you are in a state of mental lucidity. So, again, do /not/ come onto the server if you are upset, angry, or something else. Vent out and maybe, after that, you may log in.

[Ford 1996]

Tldr

[El Ricktador 1394]

I read the entirety of your post. I am an old player, and just recently came back. From where I stand, you seem honestly apologetic for whatever you must have done and continued doing. What I can say, however, is that trust is earned over time and to get into people's good side takes awhile.

 

But this is the internet, things move pretty fast around here. So I can honestly tell you that whatever you must have done will eventually be forgotten or forgiven as many things are. Good luck with the ban appeal.

[Rethai 163]

I read the entirety of your post. I am an old player, and just recently came back. From where I stand, you seem honestly apologetic for whatever you must have done and continued doing. What I can say, however, is that trust is earned over time and to get into people's good side takes awhile.

 

But this is the internet, things move pretty fast around here. So I can honestly tell you that whatever you must have done will eventually be forgotten or forgiven as many things are. Good luck with the ban appeal.

Thank you for your comment. I realise the hard task of earning back the trust of the community and to regain my reputation. :) Have a great day

[Cyndikate 2303]

Why are you so worried about what teenagers on the internet think? People are going to hate you, or find reason to hate you regardless if you've changed or not. The only thing I'd advise you to do is ignore the haters and find people are worth your time, and would enjoy your company. If they want to shittalk you and be dicks to you, then they aren't worth their energy dealing with. No matter how many assholes out there, there's always decent people to look for so go find them

[lawnmowerman 3040]

You've written like ten posts that are similar to this one, we get that you're sorry for being a massive **** but you don't need to write this sorta stuff because it'll just get people that despise you to ****-post.

 

Work your way back up solemnly without making it a big ******* deal yeah?

[KarmaDelta 969]

To be frank, I hate posts like this. It makes me feel like you're trying to get attention, and seem sympathetic, even after all the stuff you do/did.

 

Anyone who says they're going to change after a slip up that ends in a ban, go back to the way they were a few weeks/months later. To use an example, take someone like Space. He said he would be less rude and actually do some good. Well, if you see the way he acts in OOC chat, you get the point of what I am trying to say. 

 

I don't hate people on this server, I only have a dislike for people who get on my nerves.

 

If you are unbanned again, I am not expecting much, if not, any change whatsoever.

I would say I am surprised you're not perma-banned, but I forgot this is LoTC, where perma-bans are hardly followed through.

[Rethai 163]

 

You've written like ten posts that are similar to this one, we get that you're sorry for being a massive **** but you don't need to write this sorta stuff because it'll just get people that despise you to ****-post.

 

Work your way back up solemnly without making it a big ******* deal yeah?

 

I wrote one post that was very differnt than this one and it was my side of a story seeing if I was in the wrong. Anyway, thanks for the feedback..

[Space 2335]

don't take the server too seriously

[Rethai 163]

 

To be frank, I hate posts like this. It makes me feel like you're trying to get attention, and seem sympathetic, even after all the stuff you do/did.

 

Anyone who says they're going to change after a slip up that ends in a ban, go back to the way they were a few weeks/months later. To use an example, take someone like Space. He said he would be less rude and actually do some good. Well, if you see the way he acts in OOC chat, you get the point of what I am trying to say. 

 

I don't hate people on this server, I only have a dislike for people who get on my nerves.

 

If you are unbanned again, I am not expecting much, if not, any change whatsoever.

I would say I am surprised you're not perma-banned, but I forgot this is LoTC, where perma-bans are hardly followed through.

 

All in all, like I said i'm not doing this for attention more as explaining my thought process before my potential Unban. I would like to start somewhat fresh.. Sorry you feel I should be Perma Banned. I feel I am bad but not that bad compared to others.

[Rethai 163]

don't take the server too seriously

Huge problem I had before my unban late last year. I love this server, and I would rather not be cyber-bullied when I return.. That is the main reason for this post.

[Sky 0]

What I have to say may be taken as a sour pill to swallow and believe me when I say that nothing that I say is meant in any way, shape or form as a way to poke fun at you. Trust me when I say that you're not being cyber bullied on Lord of the Craft, what many people here perceive as cyber bullying nowadays is simply just people trying to have a laugh at someone else's expense. Is it a **** thing to do? Yeah, is it cyber bullying? Hardly. The best thing to do in this sort of scenario is simply to laugh it off and keep on walking down the road, will they continue? Not for long if you don't give them a reaction. You do not need to continuously make these threads, because it seems that you are desperately clawing onto the hopes of friendship and if you need to claw for them, they aren't real friends. I am certain you do not need the appraisal or the understanding of a lot of the people on the server, simply put you shouldn't care what these people think of you and only what your closest friends think, they will be brutely honest with you. 

 

Most importantly, it's not about what other's think of you that you should be worried about but how you think about yourself.

[Jonificus 2759]

The Sky has spoken, and I share his views.

[Heff 2460]

don't take the server too seriously

 

This. Seriously don't feel bad about getting banned from this server, okay you made a mistake don't take this **** into IRL. You can work on getting back on but don't make a massive post just inviting flame and hate to make you feel even worse and increase your withdrawal from a premium minecraft #1 roleplay experience