Space's GM App (Space's 8000th Post)

[Space 2335]

got em

So, I got 8000 'content count.' Which seems to be posts and topics. I think that's like top 50? I remember I was def top 50 for the old post count, because there was an actual page, but I can't find this page on these s̶h̶i̶t̶t̶y̶  great forums. So yeah. I thought I could make a post. Off-topic seems pretty lame, so, whatever, I can post this lame ****.

I'm currently taking a break from studying for like 5 hours, with a pretty killer headache, so I might just keep writing until I decide it's better to go to bed. Idk. So this is gonna be a big rambling mess with little cohesion about my thoughts on the server/my time on the server/my enjoyment/a bunch of ****. Basically, this is what you get when you remove the blog section.

I've had fun on this server, a lot. I mean, if you took all of the time I have spent on LotC and averaged my enjoyment level, it would probably be around indifference. I've had very unenjoyable parts like anything to do with warns or bans, but only really had a few incidents of RP that left me thinking 'well ain't that some bullshit.' But I've had lots of fun times. I guess maybe it's the  escapism from real life to lotc that I enjoy? Or maybe it's just like playing an RPG that you control the majority of. Idk, I have fun pretending, I guess. It's cool to play a character.

I've thought about quitting. To be honest, the 'enjoyment level' for the past like 3 months has been pretty much 'not enjoyable.' But that's nobodies fault but my own; it's not the character has developed, it's how I've played him. A sort of recluse who's all mopey and ****, estranged from his family and friends for the most part. But I still play, I guess because either the prospect of some dank ass character development that takes him down some new avenues, or the fun rp that I occasionally have nowadays.

On that topic, I sorta think I play my character too close to myself. His issues mirror my own angsty teenaged problems, his thoughts are heavily shaped on mine. I like to think that he's an exaggerated version of me in real life, but that's probably pretty idealistic. I can't really grow facial hair. So because I play the character so similar to me, I get a bit emotionally invested in him, and get bummed out or w.e. when stuff happens. Which is pretty bad. I don't think necessarily caring about your character is a bad thing, but I think that it can be, and I think maybe I take it a bit far. Meh.

Oh, and, also, I sorta see quitting as a waste. Like, I'm unbanned, why would I waste my chances to play? As much as I like to think I'm some sort of rehabilitated degenerate, I'm very similar to how i was in the past, with maybe a bit more of a filter. So I will definitely take something too far, get too frustrated at something, and will probably end up being banned again, for a long time .Which is a shitty thought to have. Optimism and all that ****. But maybe a bit realistic. But really, if I quit, what does that do? Instead of afking on LotC, I just don't, and literally nothing changes except I won't have that small source of excitement when i get to roleplay after going a week without roleplaying. I sit on my computer for far too long regardless, I would basically be doing the exact same thing. It doesn't really affect my grades; I was banned for most of last year, and got basically the same grades. I never said I didn't want to go to a social function because I wanted to play on LotC, never put it over real life, really. So I think I'm ok with not quitting.

But maybe I should probably just play a different main character. If I wasn't so attached to my current character, he'd probably had offed himself by now. Anyone got any characters that need playing?

Oh, also. It's been like 3 and a half years since I joined LotC. That's a long time. I am a different person, but really, who isn't from 13 to 17. I wonder how different I will be in 3 years. It's really ******* scary to think about the future, for me. Like, debt, trying to actually have a better than mediocre social life, all this studying and work, it's really ******* overwhelming. Like, I had try to help someone who was suicidal over the summer, and it made me realize how immature and ill-equipped I am for anything even remotely adult. No job, skipped out on a lot of the 'quintessential' teenager ****, don't even have my ******* license. How am I gonna pay for my university applications (not to mention how am I even gonna get into any ones that I want to), how am I gonna pay my phone bill, how bad did I **** myself over by not getting my license yet, or trying to get aboriginal status, like... I guess at 17 you're not really old enough to have meaningful regrets, but still. ****.

And I know none of these problems are original. I know most people have these thoughts and get anxious about those sorts of things, but still all are very real to me, and I guess I can be all angsty over them.

I guess that's all I have to say. idk ask me anything or something, just wanted to make something special for 8000.

Edited October 14, 2015 by Space

[_Jandy_ 3519]

+1, he has great player relations and is a great guy to be around. He is funny, yet I believe he can be responsible when it is necessary. Best of luck to you Space.

[Supremacy 3361]

The more you grow up, the more I like you.

[DISCOLIQUID 2702]

You're chill. Tell me about a happy memory.

Edited October 9, 2015 by DISCOLIQUID

[mitto 2312]

my life goal is to impress space, just to get that solemn nod of approval

[Space 2335]

You're chill. Tell me about a happy memory.

When I was like 14 two of my friends came to my house on my birthday with a big ass basket of cookies. That was pretty nice.

[Harri 4815]

i was coming here to shitpost, but read this and am impressed

 

Glad you can actually show your maturity :)

 

I'm sure you'll be fine in the future man, most people are.

[Heero 4092]

i was coming here to shitpost, but read this and am impressed

 

Glad you can actually show your maturity :)

 

I'm sure you'll be fine in the future man, most people are.

 

I too came here to try and rep farm. Instead I got an enlightening read during one of my lectures. I don't think you should fret over the future. You obviously are rather educated and have a strong head on your shoulders. I used to think you were a shi† tier memer but obviously that judgement was ill-assigned.

 

 

Edited October 9, 2015 by Heero 阴

[lawnmowerman 3040]

Yeah I love aids, +1

[Merkaken 516]

I know how you feel. I get very emotionally invested in my characters to the point that if something horrible happens to them, I myself feel depressed the entire day. It can be hard sometimes to go ahead and just not get emotionally involved for some people, and that's normal. We just have to try harder not to freak out over it.

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm 21 and live with my parents with no car and no job.

You're a cool dude.

[rathat 868]

friendly and gives support. Great dudillini overall, -1

[rathat 868]

Anyhow, I can really feel you on this one. I just have the problem that because I play my weaknesses people assume I'm a bad role-player (I am, but still). Take Effile, for example. She is an emotional gap-filler I have, someone like me but with the ability to be remotely-important and the people on the other side don't see the character as you ooc. A great freedom. 

[xDK 1205]

Sorry, but all I can see is

 

 

Other than that, I felt like it was a nice explanation as to what you've been up to. Perhaps not to us, but atleast to yourself.

Edited October 19, 2015 by xDK

[Birdwhisperer 1174]

Moved to the Archive. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.