A Night in Gethsemane

[Burnsider 4543]

 

Holy Sir Nicolas sat on the steps of Reinmar Keep, helm at his feet, his faced slick with sweat, armor oil, and tears. His warhammer, Verum, lay against the brick. Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out. At times, he looked up to the heavens. At other times, his head hung limply, staring into the dirt. GOD was always listening, always there to hear the prayers of men.

 

"None of today made sense. None of it. Not the anger of the crowd, none of it. To believe that His Holiness is a Pretender is to believe that the College was not guided by Your hand in their decision, is to believe that the College set up by James II was illegitimate. But to believe that, they would have to believe that James II was not guided by Your hand. But, of course, You guided James' hand. I saw that in his eyes near his final moments, that he was close to You. And, of course you guided the hands of the College. I saw that in the happy, tear-strewn faces throughout Providence when it was announced.

 

"It...it does not make sense. If the miracle was true, that would imply that the Saint went against Your hand, or that the Saint implied that the College and James were not guided by Your hand. How could they call it true?"

 

Nicolas' face turned up towards God and he fell to his knees, raising his hands above his head. "I am a lost man, Father. I believe in the Laws put down by James II, approved by the Clergy, inspired by You. By those laws, in spite of everything everyone is saying, Owyn is the Pontiff. Then why, oh blessed Lord, Father of Hosts, are so many of the men in the Church that I know follow Your way, saying otherwise. It makes no sense and, in my heart of hearts, I do not believe the same. And I believe that, one day soon, I will either be standing over a pool of their blood, or lying in my own as they stand over me. I see it as clear as I see the sun setting now. It is inevitable, a cup of poison to either take or give. And it leaves me shaken that the cup has come to me."

 

His hands fell to the earth and he grabbed hold of the dirt beneath him. "When I first made my vows to You, I felt inspired. Now, I just feel defeated. How has it been only half a year since this began, and how can You ask this much from a mere sinner so quickly?"

 

He sighed and his forehead touched the earth as he prostrated himself in absolute humility in front of the God who had all the answers. "But of course, You give more than a man can handle. You give more, so that we fall back into your arms to catch us. So that we know, above all things, that, with Your help, nothing is impossible.

 

"Catch me, Father. Catch me, Lord. For if you give me strength, I should not be afraid of finishing this task. I will follow Canon Law. I will obey your word. I will trust in your strong arms to carry me through this and into a new light, either the light of the Seven Skies or the sunlight as the clouds break and see the way toward peace. Thy will be done."

 

The words echoed over the trees and hills of Reinmar.

 

"Amen."