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Step 1: Cry


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Step 1: Cry






Does anybody love me?
I think- Remon did.  Nuldar- I wish I’d been a better mother.  Everyone in the band ‘loves’ eachother, but- I can’t really be honest with any of them.  I know- they care about me- but if I show my weakness fully- will that lower their view of me?  I am so weak.
It . . . would be nice to know there’s someone who understands.
A shoulder I could cry on without feeling ashamed.
Pamph’s always been there for me . . . but he’s so mortal, so close to death, always reckless.  That . . . head. They want his head, dried out and hanging from their belts.  What would I do- who would I turn to then?  And it would be so easy for them- he’s not a god.
Could a god love me?
I can’t- be friends with a god- I couldn’t care for a god- but maybe- a god could care for me.  Something I could cry to, instead of cry for.  A parent.
I don’t deserve a parent.
I killed mine.  
But some gods wouldn’t care.  Could I become a shaman, and go to Scorthuz’ realm when I am hurting, and find peace there every time?  Does Scorthuz care?  Could they care?
Or . . . do they only love what serves them?
If I couldn’t serve them, wouldn’t they give up on me?
Anguls . . . daemons . . . spirits . . .
God wouldn’t care, He only created the world and left the Anguls to do the caring. I wish I could be a Cannonist and believe that God still cared.  But now- I can’t believe that anymore.
Why did Remon give up?
Why did he always go back to the An-Gho?
Was this why? He needed a father-

I’m mortal.  Weak.  An idiot.  Mortals crave the affection and compassion of immortals, just like children desire the love of their parents.  My whole life- I wanted to be kind to people, hoping I could save them with just compassion.  But it’s ne what people need.  They need something larger than them to care.  But anything larger than a mortal . . . cannot truly care.

Somehow, if I ever want to change anything or help anyone, I have to become larger than a mortal.
I must reject everything that makes me one.
I must . . . not need what I need.

Thank you, Remon, for teaching me that I can’t need a father or a mother.
I won’t repeat your mistakes.

The elfess covered her mouth as she began to cry.

Edited by High_On_Math
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A noble pure elf sat on the steps of his silvery city, looking out to the waters which flowed by the sands. Though his heart ached, it was only the song of love. He held that spear shod in lightning, and he knew he must be the one to act. All his lads count on him. Those pure, pure lads... Victory was mother to them all. So it should be he who is courageous, to be as father.


He dreamed a simple dream. The same dream that rose their maiden up, augmented in those golden pools. Beyond what they were. Polish alone can only solve it when you choose to step in the water.

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Amorette awkwardly into the vicinity of the crying woman, holding up a flyer and whispered her pitch to the next closest person; 


“Maybe she can live without parents, but the needy can’t live without food! The Eternal Library is doing a canned food drive-“

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