news The Cobbler's Goblet: Gremlins Attack Dunwen!

[Notic 941]

 The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue IV

The Weefolk's Choice Herald

 

This Week's News!

Gnomestyle Cooking: Gremlins Attack!

A Duel in Dunwen!

Pepin Strikes Again!

 

Gnomestyle Cooking: Gremlins Attack!

Written by Griff Peregrin

An illustration of the Gnome Potluck, Bingo Bufferbottom.

 

Many citizens of Dunwen were excited to learn of a potluck taking place in the village square this week. Many more were quite intrigued to the fact that local gnome, Merwin the Fool, was hosting said event. Having personally attended, I can testify that I, too, was curious to learn the culinary traditions of the Gnomish peoples.

 

Upon arriving, everything seemed to be going quite alright, albeit it was somewhat jarring to learn that we would be throwing all of our dishes inside a giant, boiling pot, rather than eating them separately. Nevertheless, many halflings were tucking in for a delicious feast- that was, until gremlins arrived on the scene!

 

Taunting us from a nearby hill, a Gremlin sorcerer began casting rocks upon several participants, and even attempted to go as far as to try and tip over the pot! It was through this that several of the attendees gave chase to the gremlin, tailing it back to its hovel in an abandoned hovel beneath a tree outside the village.

 

After chasing it into the hovel, the attendees soon discovered that the gremlin sorcerer has raised several golems in an attempt to raid the village! The halflings jumped into action on the spot, with Griff Peregrin dealing a devastating blow to one of the golems following its brutal assault on Thain Mimosa Applefoot.

 

Within this hovel, the diary of a deceased gnome was discovered. Merwin the Fool himself continues to research into this diary, as well as its potential meanings for the future of the village. But while this research is being conducted, we must begin to wonder: does this Gremlin onslaught tie into the attack of both the Azdrazi, as well as Arkaknox? What have we done to incur this wrath? Can it be blamed on the people we harbor on our lands; the bigguns who use magic in the shadows?

 

A Duel in Dunwen!

Written by Griff Peregrin

Griff Peregrin and Vindacus at the Shogging Pier, by Bingo Bufferbottom.

 

It was a cool, winter’s night when a small congregation of halflings met in Thain Mimosa Applefoot’s burrow for a lovely, peaceful supper. That was, until the foul Vindacus- the false knight whom we highlighted in last week’s issue- invited himself inside for the sole purpose of tormenting myself, Griff Peregrin.

 

After throwing several insults at my honor and intelligence, Vindacus suggested that mouse traps be constructed within the Castle of Babblebrook, revealing his bloodthirsty intent on catching, slaying or perhaps eating the Musin people. He did this not only over dinner, but in the presence of His Mousejesty, King Patches. It was only natural that I challenged him to a fair shogging tilt upon his honor, in order to avenge the cruel words spoken upon the Musin peoples.

 

We met at the dock, with many halflings spectating the match. The honorable Marrow Whistlewood volunteered to referee the match, as she was one of the few unbiased parties present. We elected to play “best of three”.

 

The first tilt resulted in a draw, with both of us falling off of our logs. In the second tilt, I managed to react at the split second of the timer, catching Vindacus offguard as I catapulted him into the water. However, under my suspicion that he was inadequately prepared, I chose to forfeit my victory of the round, as I believed it would sully my honor. Vindacus, not having any concept of honor, called me a fool for this.

 

In the following two rounds, Vindacus used a technique known as “quick shuffling”, which many shogging fans will know was banned in the Old Dunshire Finalist Match many years ago. Pressing his feet tightly to the log, he began to roll it forward, utilizing the momentum to knock me from my log and win the match.

I was in the deepest of dismay. Having accepted my loss, I reached forward to shake Vindacus’ hand, but not before he raised his arms and began chanting dark incantations in the direction of poor Miss Whistlewood!

 

In an attempt to save Miss Whistlewood’s life from his biggun sorcery, I tackled Vindacus into the water and attempted to wrestle the pumpkin from his head, as he was tainting the sacred vegetable of Lord Knox with his dark magic.

 

Vindacus, using his biggun strength, managed to best me once more, before fleeing the scene. As such, I leave an open reminder to the foul Vindacus: if you wish to truly fight me fairly in shogging once more, I will be open to the challenge. However, if you continue to use these backwards tricks and underhanded plays, I will have no choice but to result to the law’s might.

 

Stay safe and stay vigilant, Dunwen.

 

Pepin Strikes Again!

Written by Griff Peregrin

A Map of Greater Dunfarthing, Pepin Applefoot.

 

As we have been unable to arrange the long-awaited interview with Marrow Whistlewood, we will instead be highlighting one of the many maps that are continually produced by Pepin Applefoot. A boy genius, Pepin Applefoot has honed his skills as a master cartographer even further with this highly realistic rendition of the Shires of Dunfarthing. Way to go, Pepin!

 

The Cobbler's Goblet is now hiring writers, reporters and distributors! Citizens of Brabant and Valenza would be highly valued as Cobbler's Goblet staff members.

Contact Griff Peregrin (MonkeNotic) for more information.

 

 

Stay Wise, Dunwen!

Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom

Published by the Peregrin Family

 

Spoiler

Another week, another issue. Tomorrow is the super bowl so I'm probably not going to be online, meaning that I'm posting this today. I would've liked to had more time to do this one, but its not really a big deal, because I'm not entirely sure anybody actually reads these anyways lmfao. For those of you that do read it, you have my thanks. Also, fun fact for anyone who hasn't noticed yet: The name is meant to be a pun, since halflings don't wear shoes. Have a great week y'all. Go 49ers.

 

[Kardika 62]

"THIS FOOL!" He grumbled, once again casting the newspaper into his fireplace "This wee wee, know'th not! when to give up! he must be taught a lesson huh Sariel?!" he uttered, glancing around for his maid.