The Floundering Felsonite Issue #1

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The Floundering Felsonite

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Duke of Carnatia Leaves Orenian Forces High and Dry

A small skirmish took place within the borders of the Empire of Oren approximately the 23rd of the Grand Harvest in the year 1570. The defending force consisted of a confused mixture of Orenian Knights and other orenian soldiers from many different organizations, whilst the defending force consisted of the dreadlandic banner force of house Ruric; the Ashguard, led by Ser Hakon Ruric the ‘Shipwright’ himself. The battle lasted less than an hour as the Dreadlandic forces completely overwhelmed the Orenian forces. Jan Kovachev the Duke of Carnatia who was leading the Orenian patchwork army reportedly fled mid battle, leaving his forces leaderless to be annihilated by the illustrious Ashguard. The Ashguard reportedly later caught up with the cowardly Duke and managed to easily send him to the monks.

 

Dreadlandic Tournament “Red Wedding” Free

Lasts months Ashen Tournament was a rousing success with dozens of high profile guests arriving to view the celebration. The tournament consisted of two separate parts, the Ashen joust and the warriors crucible, a one on one melee, which was a revival of the old Norlandic tradition of the same name. The Ashen tournament came to an exciting climax when two Rurics; Ser Hakon Ruric (Eirikson) and Thorbjorn Ruric (Freyson) faced off, with the latter taking the victory by dehorsing his more famous cousin Ser Hakon Ruric. We would also like to send our congratulations to Kiveck Irelia for his resounding victory in the warriors crucible, as well as to all other participants in both the Ashen joust and the warriors crucible.
 

Harian Ball

Her Royal Highness, Princess Kaia Kharadeen of Haria hosted a Grand ball last month which boasted almost a hundred notable figures. In attendance was Javier Ruric (Eirikson) and Thorbjorn Ruric (Freyson), as well as the entire Kharadeen family and a multitude of other minor nobles and important characters. The ball reached a dramatic high when Princess Kaia danced passionately and flawlessly with Emir Fahkri, stunning the entire crowd which had encircled the two to watch their perfect rendition of a traditional Qalasheen dance. Javier Ruric (Eirikson) reported that orenian forces had arrived to attack the ball, but were turned away when “Faced with the might of the Ashguard”.

 

Ashguard: the brave and the cold

Ukra Kavras, the self proclaimed master of ice and lord of the natural elements has vowed to freeze over the entire encompassing land of the dreadlands, he was quoted saying “I’m going to cover every single dreadlandic fort and town in a light snowfall for at least a day or two”. So make sure to have warm clothing handy over the next few days unless you want to be stuck in the wizards wintry curse with your summer clothes on.

 

How to execute an Orenian Soldier

 

We asked some of the dreadlands top executioners about the best methods on executing captured Orenian soldiers, their answers may surprise you.

Malok Egal is an executioner working in the dreadlandic city of Exul and he preferred the method of lopping off an Orenian soldiers head, so that he could mount it on a pike at the entrance of the city as a message, Egal proudly boasted that he had a collection of 14 fresh heads outside the city entrance thanks to the increase of heroic raids carried out by the beloved men and women of the Ashguard. 

 

Agvhik Muthaleaku an executioner working near the infamous Ruric Bonefort praised the practice of hangings stating that “There is nothing like watching a terrified Orenian swing from the gallows.” Muthaleaku enjoys leaving his handiwork for a few days so that Dreadlandic families can come visit and have a picnic while viewing the wonderful job that our boys in the Ashguard are doing. Muthaleaku would like us to announce that there is currently four bodies up for display outside the Bonefort.

 

Ser Hakon Ruric (Eirikson) was only available for a short time but said that his favorite method of execution was hanging because of the public display that it allows. Ser Hakon stated that “Hanging lets those who would betray you see the harshness of their fate, and entices those who would attack to think twice.”

 

Ask the Ashguard

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Do you accept women into your guard?
-Dusk

 

Hello Dusk,
The Ashguard DOES accept women into its guard and in fact already has several women amongst its ranks, if you are interested in joining you should come to the Bonefort located in the dreadlands and speak to one of the members of the Ashguard.

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Can you be more Humble in your Victories?
-Cranky Pants

 

Hello Cranky Pants,
No.

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Why is Oren still Alive?
-A Spooky Ghost

 

Dear A Spooky Ghost,
Unfortunately it's very hard to kill a cockroach, Especially one as large and spread out as Oren. Having said that we are quickly and efficiently hammering away at them.

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An analysis on the orenian mind

We are all aware of the common denial of facts by many orenian soldiers and leaders where they instead posit that Oren has won many of the skirmishes between the Ashguard and various Orenian groups. There have been an estimated 8 major battles over the past year with the Ashguard the clear winner in every single one, but many outspoken orenian propoganders and public figures state that Oren is winning many battles. We took a closer look at the common felsonite and asked them to comment about what they thought. I spoke with Rello Raux, the constable at Felson and he stated that “It doesn’t matter if the dreadlands are winning skirmishes or not.” whether this was to protect his ego and Orens as a whole is unclear. When asked about the many raids upon the city of Felsen Raux said that he was not aware of any raids but that “Raiders were not well accepted in the city.” We also talked to Al, the barmaid at Zaza’s drinking kingdom, located on the main street of Felsen, and she stated that the guards should “Stop allowing rebels to hang out around the city.” This would imply that the guards were allowing rebels to ‘hang out’ around the city instead of attempting to remove them, one could only speculate what this means.
 

Looking for bards

The Ruric family is looking for a bard to recreate and refine some of the ruined works of Sven Ruric (Eirikson), including the famous Norlandic national anthem. Contact the editor for copies of the works. The bard that submits the best recreations will be given a commission to create two brand new songs, one being a Dreadlandic national anthem, and one about the most recent dreadlandic victory in battle.

 

The Floundering Felsonite is Hiring

The floundering Felsonite is looking for the infrastructure to produce and distribute more physical copies of our prestigious periodicals. We are looking for either a printing press which we can either use or purchase and an operator to manufacture our papers, as well as criers, stores, and delivery boys to distribute them. If you can operate a printing press (( Have the patience to copy many books )) please send a message directly to the editor of the Floundering Felsonite. once a process to mass produce our paper is established we will require stores, delivery boys, and town criers to distribute our wonderful source of Vailorian news.
 

 

OOC:

(( If you would like to respond to any of these ads just message me over the forums with an rp message or comment directly if you feel comfortable with possible mind readers attempting to persecute you and I will get you in touch with the correct persons ))

[Publius 4098]

Jacques reads the newsletter, impressed to see that at least one rebel is literate. He hopes to eventually hear of news from the Dreadlands themselves, as nothing worthy of note (aside from rebelling and raiding) seems to have gone on in their homeland since secession.

[Thatpyrodude 2008]

Bradshaw laughs as he reads the newspaper "This is horrible, dumb rebels and sand people trying to feel like they can win something."

[HurferDurfer1 2978]

A Wick sends the writer of the nifty pamphlet a participation trophy, with a bonus box of Ruric Rose lip gloss.

[Argontum 153]

"Hmm... I'll have to commend the one who wrote this, at least it's better than Orenian propagandas." A wood elf remarked as he read the newspaper from his room.

[Taketheshot 3834]

Walter tilts his head "Funny, they don't mention 7 of us killing half their army then routing the rest? Or when we did it for a second time with only half our forces. The name of their paper, really... The masters of strategy and politics that is every citizen of the well established successful nation that is the Dreadlands couldn't have come up with a better name?"

[Nathan_Barnett36 1564]

"I'm very scared, this man seems powerful" says Ivan.

[Hanrahan 2983]

Arn scoffs, the Felsen Informer being the FAR superior newspaper..

[Salvo 1852]

"Stop with the propaganda, PLEASE!" begs Adrian, holding the latest issue of the journal.

 

((Hiding the pvp video, shameful display FMs

[Eddywilson2 2117]

Petyr sits on his porch and pulls out his pipe recalling the recent battle from yesterday. Vivid images fill his mind. 

 

[LatzMomo 2088]

A tinkerer takes a swig of his morning OJ and rubs the sleep from his eyes, beginning to read the paper delivered to doorstep of his castle.

[garentoft 9265]

Dirk is of the opinion that newspapers are just nice to read in general, no matter how much propaganda they are.

[_pr0fit 3084]

3 hours ago, Eddywilson2/Othaman said:

Petyr sits on his porch and pulls out his pipe recalling the recent battle from yesterday. Vivid images fill his mind. 

 

 

The Reporter begins thinking up his new headline, Orenians finally win a battle, Strategy: bring overwhelming numbers and still return severely injured. "Nah," He says "that's too long."

[Nathan_Barnett36 1564]

Ivan remembers specifically bringing 7 gold corps to battle off 15 dreadlanders and still won "Only win Oren has got? Don't flatter yourself"

[LatzMomo 2088]

Just now, Nathan_Barnett36 said:

Ivan remembers specifically bringing 7 gold corps to battle off 15 dreadlanders

"Mental deficiency." an Elf comments. "Shame."