Unraveled, yet Unbound

[UnBaed 8966]

Spoiler

 

 

TW: Suicidal Thoughts

A lost Moth in rumination.

[Art by Artem Demura]

 

▸🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕◂

 

If I were to sit here long enough, would the gnarled roots of this tree think of me as part of their own?

 

She had lost track of time for how long she sat at the base of that tree.  Two days seemed as if it would be accurate, given what shape the waxing moon bore as it hung in the sky.  It illuminated the passing clouds, wisping and windswept fingers of grey were prepping to drag in the sheets of overcast for the following day.  At least the invasive light of the sun would be smothered away for tomorrow.  Even as she rested under the cover of that tree’s boughs, the brightness of the daytime was enough to make her eyes feel strained and her nerves frayed; as if they already weren’t enough.

 

Though the sun was gone now, and it was night.  Darkness swathed over that old forest, its trees groaned with age; their leaves whispered of their history in a tongue long forgotten.  The old woodlands of Dobrov had seen and endured much over the years.  It was a strange thing, to enter into that familiar forest and still feel as if you entered into new territory; the land had gone through such drastic measures of change over the decades.  Perhaps she was at fault for a majority of that.

 

The crater left behind had filled with rainwater, wildlife had invaded the abandoned hamlet; everything was in disarray.  Yet everything was also quiet, peaceful; she was growing used to the sights of ruins.  Even feeling kin to them, through the past decades of her squatting these forgotten corners of the realm.  Despite the peace in such solitude, she could not help but feel strangled by her loneliness.  How was it that she wound up as this mere breath brushing against the echoes of her life?

 

She had been fueled, driven on by golden memories of that wistful youth; the countless adventures and experiences shared with her beloved–it was a chapter of life she never wished to end; a dream she wanted to grow lost in, to never wake.  It could have continued on, forevermore–steps shared toward greatness with all that mattered to her.  Yet now all she had was loneliness, she was just like the very ruins that kept the cold rains away from her; what was left of her foundations and rotting beams were naught but bitter memories and scars of betrayal.  Every sight she encountered felt only as a reminder to what could have been.  

 

It was never meant to be this way.

 

Yet was she now cursed to exist in this state eternally?  Immortality once could have been a blessing upon her, yet now it sat only as a curse; a new set of shackles.  Even forced with the fact that she was meant to tread this path alone, she was also pursued–hunted; unwelcomed by those of her own ilk.  And it had all been due to her refusal to cast away her love for an existence of shackled obedience.

 

She refused to consider what life would have been for herself, had she gone through with such an order, to murder her own partner as a show of loyalty to those who only looked down at her.  Such an act would have been the death of herself as well; a step to fully embrace the ferocious and parasitic essence that itched within her.  To obey such as that, for obedience’s sake, is no way to exist–even as a mortal. 

 

Even if she was meant to suffer in this squalor for the rest of eternity, existing as this rabid and hunted animal; she regretted nothing of that wretched night.  All that she felt remorseful over was the memory of her life lost, and how it could never be obtained again.  It was all that she could do, to cling to such memories; to never forget herself.  

 

Her love had always kept her grounded, yet she feared what it was she was to become without him; living as this feral thing, she already knew herself to no longer be that bright-eyed girl who chased after mysteries.  At what point would she be considered unrecognizable?  At what point it would it just be better to seek her own end?  To put an end to it all.

 

Death was a possible thing, surely - yet it was never permanent for those of her own kind. She was yet to even experience her own demise, and had always hoped she might never know such a pain in oblivion–yet she had lately found herself contemplating its concept and permanence.  Perhaps it wasn’t so terrible of a thing for her to fear as a mortal–what could it have been like, to drift away?  Is it always a cold and lonely thing, or is it something else entirely?

 

Could be it akin to a warm stranger offering to hold your hand, and guide you home in the night?  Or would it be as how she would pick up her children after they fell asleep, and carry them to bed?  Would she still hear the world, as if in another room?  She wondered what it was like for her uncle, when he was devoured; never meant to be returned to her.  Could he not have been spared any softness in his undeserved end?

 

Had she not been caught up in her illusions, perhaps she and her love would have learned it together as they grew old.  Such a thought caused her heart to ache, and urged her to dig her long nails into the flesh of her arms.  What was to come of her now,  and the hundreds of lonely nights to come?

 

▸🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕◂

 

OOC Comment:

It’s not common for me to make posts like these anymore, I usually like to try and keep the thoughts/experiences of my characters as something seen in game - or through diary entries, when I feel like going on a writing streak.  The latter was a common trend I did with this character, with Moth’s Ruminations - something I still wish to wrap up eventually.  I had originally planned to make this comment in the posting of the final chapter of it, but I ended up deciding to write this now with a small update of how my character is doing.  I don’t want to rush her entries since there’s a lot of content to go over, or have my comments today tied to it and potentially ruin what they’re meant for.

 

But I’ve just got to say that… I’m immensely disappointed and sad about how I felt like I was treated during my time in the silit community.  My character is not gone yet, though over the past year I’ve lost just about any and all inspiration to try anything as her after all that’s happened with me in the silit community.  This was one of my first times in trying out a larger CA on the server, though that isn’t to say I was entirely out of touch with aspects of lore spread across the server’s narrative.

 

Moliana had been one of my favorite characters, and a character that I had tried my best to put a lot of thought into her story.  She’s felt like one of my most complex and in-depth characters and she had been a blast to RP as when I first obtained her–I enjoyed just about every moment as her [though that isn’t to say there were a few bumps here and there], but I found myself beginning to have a lot of roadblocks and frustrations by the time she had become a silit.

 

I was ignored often when it came to receiving lessons.  A friend was able to help make my character not wholly useless, but could still only do so much–in the end my character was only shown three abilities natural to a silit [one was only learned in order to help out another member in the group], and wasn’t shown anything with BM or shared anything else despite my attempts to be helpful and involved with the group.

 

Despite this, I did my best to carry on with my RP and held off on my plans with the silit CA until I managed to acquire the tools to help me with my plans in making a fun narrative for others to experience.  During this time, my character was manipulating the closest person to her to make him accept what she was and to try and convince him that life as an immortal with her was better than anything else; I did this due to the obsession trait a silit develops for mortals they’re close to, they end up getting increasingly worried about that person’s mortality and don’t wish for anything to happen to them.  Another trait of silit was losing care/lacking empathy for other mortals surrounding them–which grows stronger and stronger the longer that individual is a silit.  Since my character was still freshly turned, she wasn’t so severe in her shifts of demeanor - yet that change of mindset was still present as I tried to RP my character being more selfish in motives with public gestures–becoming flashy and almost becoming the equivalent to an influencer giving homeless people money so they get more views and likes.  The intention was for her to be liked and less likely under suspicion of anything foul due to her “good acts” to help me try to sneak in spookier experiences/offer avenues of RP for those that seemed interested in the vampire aesthetic–despite my lack of tools to help me on a broader scale.

 

Unfortunately, however, neither of these plans really had any room for development due to a major event that occurred between my character and her coven.  This was the event that made me feel entirely betrayed by those around me, and like I had received the short end of the stick for my RP.  A meeting was to be held between the coven, where they would discuss the possibility of transforming the person closest to Moliana into a siliti.  I felt nervous about the whole thing and felt worried about how the RP would have gone, and expressed that to a friend in the group–who only replied that this “has been a while coming now” which made me believe that there was already an OOC opinion on where this meeting was going to be led to.  My character was demanded to murder her husband, and surrender herself to be locked away in a coffin for fifteen years for her behavior.

 

I kind of just felt fed up by that point, my character was placed in a very difficult position where either option would have completely altered her story and leave her shelved over what I thought was nothing.  To keep it brief, Molia fought on the side of her partner and intended to escape with him.  He got away, though she was captured and sealed in a MArt coffin that could keep her locked in there indefinitely–instead of the 15 week cap of T3 coffins at the time.

 

At this point, I just sadly accepted the direction of the narrative and understood that it was a risk of a scenario that could have happened to me as I took on the CA.  Not everything will go according to plan on the server, but at least I did what I could to make her narrative interesting.  But it was some instances that occurred after this event that began to make me feel more snubbed.

• Almost immediately after my character had been locked away, another fresh siliti (who was turned with mine) began to receive full lessons of BM and silit abilities after I had been ignored for them
• When other characters tried to investigate my character going missing by breaking into the lair, PEX was unfairly used to world edit trees outside of the lairs region away to prevent others from getting inside again
• The coffin my character was sealed away in was hidden behind blocks, with no mechanical access to reach or see it–which is against server rules

 

Overall, I just felt… weird, to see all of this stuff occurring, and generally began to feel as if I was unwelcomed or if I had done something wrong with my RP to make me disliked.  I was eventually told that I RP’d the CA wrong with my character trying to have her partner join her as a silit (I got it confirmed by others that I didn’t do any incorrect RP); with jokes even being made about my character as “dark mage in love with holy mage” tropes despite going through incredibly heavy and persistent RP with my friend as our characters.

 

Even after my character ended up being rescued and sent off to live alone, I still felt as if I was just to remain as an unwelcomed outsider to the rest of the silit community.  It felt like my character was made out to be a traitorous villain to the rest of the community, with everyone just following along with that fact despite those claims coming from a character cursed in lore for devouring another silit; which is essentially the ultimate sin any silit could commit.

 

I had hoped six months was enough to let me try and resume my small projects to try and develop some RP for others again, but I still feel greatly unwelcomed for the RP and it’s got me wanting to give up entirely on the character.  This whole event almost made me even leave the server back in April when this all occurred.  I’m still left just feeling greatly disappointed about my experience.

 

I offer my thanks to HurferDurfer and ScourgeOfOrder, however, since those two did their best to give me actually enjoyable RP with the CA when they could.

[Unwillingly 11213]

Spoiler

bummer that u had to go through all that, ur an awesome rper n deserve better

 

[The King Of The Moon 5152]

The roleplay portion of this post is appropriate and well written, though I really wish you could've been mature enough to keep it as just that.

 

9 hours ago, UnBaed said:

OOC Comment:

It’s not common for me to make posts like these anymore, I usually like to try and keep the thoughts/experiences of my characters as something seen in game - or through diary entries, when I feel like going on a writing streak.  The latter was a common trend I did with this character, with Moth’s Ruminations - something I still wish to wrap up eventually.  I had originally planned to make this comment in the posting of the final chapter of it, but I ended up deciding to write this now with a small update of how my character is doing.  I don’t want to rush her entries since there’s a lot of content to go over, or have my comments today tied to it and potentially ruin what they’re meant for.

 

But I’ve just got to say that… I’m immensely disappointed and sad about how I felt like I was treated during my time in the silit community.  My character is not gone yet, though over the past year I’ve lost just about any and all inspiration to try anything as her after all that’s happened with me in the silit community.  This was one of my first times in trying out a larger CA on the server, though that isn’t to say I was entirely out of touch with aspects of lore spread across the server’s narrative.

 

Moliana had been one of my favorite characters, and a character that I had tried my best to put a lot of thought into her story.  She’s felt like one of my most complex and in-depth characters and she had been a blast to RP as when I first obtained her–I enjoyed just about every moment as her [though that isn’t to say there were a few bumps here and there], but I found myself beginning to have a lot of roadblocks and frustrations by the time she had become a silit.

 

I was ignored often when it came to receiving lessons.  A friend was able to help make my character not wholly useless, but could still only do so much–in the end my character was only shown three abilities natural to a silit [one was only learned in order to help out another member in the group], and wasn’t shown anything with BM or shared anything else despite my attempts to be helpful and involved with the group.

 

Despite this, I did my best to carry on with my RP and held off on my plans with the silit CA until I managed to acquire the tools to help me with my plans in making a fun narrative for others to experience.  During this time, my character was manipulating the closest person to her to make him accept what she was and to try and convince him that life as an immortal with her was better than anything else; I did this due to the obsession trait a silit develops for mortals they’re close to, they end up getting increasingly worried about that person’s mortality and don’t wish for anything to happen to them.  Another trait of silit was losing care/lacking empathy for other mortals surrounding them–which grows stronger and stronger the longer that individual is a silit.  Since my character was still freshly turned, she wasn’t so severe in her shifts of demeanor - yet that change of mindset was still present as I tried to RP my character being more selfish in motives with public gestures–becoming flashy and almost becoming the equivalent to an influencer giving homeless people money so they get more views and likes.  The intention was for her to be liked and less likely under suspicion of anything foul due to her “good acts” to help me try to sneak in spookier experiences/offer avenues of RP for those that seemed interested in the vampire aesthetic–despite my lack of tools to help me on a broader scale.

 

Unfortunately, however, neither of these plans really had any room for development due to a major event that occurred between my character and her coven.  This was the event that made me feel entirely betrayed by those around me, and like I had received the short end of the stick for my RP.  A meeting was to be held between the coven, where they would discuss the possibility of transforming the person closest to Moliana into a siliti.  I felt nervous about the whole thing and felt worried about how the RP would have gone, and expressed that to a friend in the group–who only replied that this “has been a while coming now” which made me believe that there was already an OOC opinion on where this meeting was going to be led to.  My character was demanded to murder her husband, and surrender herself to be locked away in a coffin for fifteen years for her behavior.

 

I kind of just felt fed up by that point, my character was placed in a very difficult position where either option would have completely altered her story and leave her shelved over what I thought was nothing.  To keep it brief, Molia fought on the side of her partner and intended to escape with him.  He got away, though she was captured and sealed in a MArt coffin that could keep her locked in there indefinitely–instead of the 15 week cap of T3 coffins at the time.

 

At this point, I just sadly accepted the direction of the narrative and understood that it was a risk of a scenario that could have happened to me as I took on the CA.  Not everything will go according to plan on the server, but at least I did what I could to make her narrative interesting.  But it was some instances that occurred after this event that began to make me feel more snubbed.

• Almost immediately after my character had been locked away, another fresh siliti (who was turned with mine) began to receive full lessons of BM and silit abilities after I had been ignored for them
• When other characters tried to investigate my character going missing by breaking into the lair, PEX was unfairly used to world edit trees outside of the lairs region away to prevent others from getting inside again
• The coffin my character was sealed away in was hidden behind blocks, with no mechanical access to reach or see it–which is against server rules

 

Overall, I just felt… weird, to see all of this stuff occurring, and generally began to feel as if I was unwelcomed or if I had done something wrong with my RP to make me disliked.  I was eventually told that I RP’d the CA wrong with my character trying to have her partner join her as a silit (I got it confirmed by others that I didn’t do any incorrect RP); with jokes even being made about my character as “dark mage in love with holy mage” tropes despite going through incredibly heavy and persistent RP with my friend as our characters.

 

Even after my character ended up being rescued and sent off to live alone, I still felt as if I was just to remain as an unwelcomed outsider to the rest of the silit community.  It felt like my character was made out to be a traitorous villain to the rest of the community, with everyone just following along with that fact despite those claims coming from a character cursed in lore for devouring another silit; which is essentially the ultimate sin any silit could commit.

 

I had hoped six months was enough to let me try and resume my small projects to try and develop some RP for others again, but I still feel greatly unwelcomed for the RP and it’s got me wanting to give up entirely on the character.  This whole event almost made me even leave the server back in April when this all occurred.  I’m still left just feeling greatly disappointed about my experience.

 

This entire section is sad and unnecessary and I genuinely cannot understand your commitment to OOCly undermining valid roleplay. I'm sorry you didn't end up enjoying your character, but that was ultimately a self-inflicted consequence of narratives you made a conscious decision to pursue.

Not only is what you've written a grossly misleading cry for victimhood directed at those that have no means of knowing better but your choice to keep it unspoilered and to have it pinged in several RP discords to me shines through as a testament to your lack of IC and OOC separation which is essential for playing any sort of dark mage or creature in LoTC.

 

Eight months after the fact this is but the latest of countless OOC complaints I've seen you make about the outcome of your roleplay as your silit, others typically in the form of discord messages trying to win other silit players or ST over for sympathy in the hopes of getting their characters to intervene. This has even escalated in you threatening to break off several year spanning friendships with people who refused to let your OOC wants supersede what made sense for their characters to do. 

I'd like to preface this rant by saying I wholeheartedly loathe the notion of complaining about roleplay that didn't go your way through OOC mediums. In LoTC we should be striving to understand out of character grievances are distinct from in character conflicts. It is the only way in which enjoyable conflict roleplay (something which is surprisingly core to many peoples' experiences) can work on such a large scale. Any deviation inevitably leads into needless out of character drama that sours the experiences of everyone involved and causes people to question the point behind the roleplay they're doing in the first place, if not reduced to a spiteful vehicle for text-based PVP. 

I hate hate hate that I've been put in a situation these past few months where I've held my tongue for the sake of not fanning the flames based on that principle whilst I've been approached countless times by our mutual friends and people in our shared roleplay circles under the impression I am some sort of evil mastermind filled with OOC malice based on your wailings about the consequences of your roleplay actions. I despise the fact that now after a decent period of silence on the non-issue where I'd assumed you'd matured past such I'm now waking to see you attempt to show what you want others to see as the dirty laundry of the 'silit community' (a misnomer, the siliti have been split into three differing factions since their inception).

It infuriates me that I'm finally having to break my OOC silence because you are hellbent on ripping what was IC drama out of our shared roleplay medium and into out of character discussions. I feel I have no choice but to elaborate here but I genuinely feel backed into a corner where I either need to highlight the reality of these events or continue to be rallied against as if the roleplay I did was in any way relevant to my out of character sensibilities.

You keep neglecting to mention the reasons your character was put through the same PK clause - not a 'MArt' custom made for you as you say here, but one of four objects written directly into silit lore, the Mictlanti's Fetters - being triggered:

Your character was perceived to have broken our tenets by pushing for forbidden romance RP with a paladin and spilling our secrets and those of others to the Lectorate.

For those that care to learn the other side of this situation past those points, my shorthand understanding of events is contained in the spoiler below.

 

Spoiler

 To begin with, the 'forbidden romance' dilemma is something our lore was explicitly written to avoid in the first place. Siliti as horrific, predatory monsters are written to be incapable of loving descendants. A fact that, had it been adhered to in your RP, would've prevented this entire situation.

Spoiler

This was explained to you several times both in and out of character, but as you wanted to keep up this style of roleplay, you ignored this aspect of the lore for the sake of preserving your own narrative. Which is whatever. It was ultimately of little consequence until the reality of such came back to our characters and was ratified by your own, and as I need to stress over and over it - like all else in this situation - was an IC issue. Not something worth trifling over out of character.

Prior to being turned into a silit your character, which was given to you as a baby raised by our characters in the hopes of making you as a player feel included as you many times complained that your other OOC friends were all RPing without you, drifted away from mine and later others by walking her own IC path. Which, again, is fine. She rejected our way of life and returned to the biological family she'd been kidnapped from at a young age then went on to become a djinn, only returning to our characters to ask favours.

She was not ever entitled to blood magic as you have complained here. When she eventually returned to the family to become a silit she still was not taught the magic right away as there was no IC reason to. Yet neither were the vast majority of the other silit characters in our group prior or since. It's strange that you highlight not being given a magic as an issue here, when that same magic wasn't initially given to HurferDurfer's, Gelaticam's, ShannonLeigh's, Yvved's, JEEGK's, Knightei's, Meggibyte's, Olox's, Ibiou's or Traveller's siliti either. Though you're the only one that's complaining about that out of character.

When the matter of her holy mage husband that was ICly highlighted some time after your character was made into a silit and became a matter to deal with in RP, your character was given several chances to amend the situation (as our characters feared the danger of having a literal holy mage dedicated to eradicating our kind and involved with a thus far successful church order with the same goals) by breaking it off with the paladin in question. She refused, and instead asked our characters to turn them.

Our characters (and I need to stress this includes HurferDurfer's but for some reason he's spared your OOC ire) came to a vote and decided that not only would turning a paladin be too great of a risk, what with giving someone who's life so far had been spent trying to kill siliti now being equipped to actually kill a silit by triggering our cannibalism clauses, as well as recklessly encouraging the behaviour of your character who until this point had consistently made active efforts to ignore our IC demands and had avoided interacting with us in favour of the aforementioned. It was a loose end that it did not make sense in RP to allow. 

 

So in a final bid to bring your character back into the fold she was given the choice between killing the paladin to solve the dispute there and then or being herself imprisoned (shelved via our CA clauses) for a set duration whilst her spouse could be killed off.

Instead, your character chose the nuclear option of - in the minds of our characters - betraying her own kind to save her paladin husband. I need to iterate here that this was again, 'whatever'. It was what you felt made sense for your character and that's fine. Though the source of all your upset and OOC complaint seems then to be anchored on the valid roleplay response that happened in turn: for helping the paladin which knew our characters identities, whereabouts and weaknesses escape, your character was then appropriately captured and imprisoned (shelved) for what I meant to stress in my RP was not meant to be an indefinite duration, but an a 'sentence' appropriate to her perceived crimes. 

 

The imprisonment took place out of sight of any other character, using the aforementioned Mictlanti's Fetter that - I believed - was not known to exist by those around for the RP preceding. My character, not wanting it to escalate further, then span the lie that yours had been killed. In the wake of this the only OOC contact I had with you about this situation was asking you to keep that secret to yourself to avoid metagaming.

The situation is long behind us and it amazes me that you remain upset out of character regarding it, though I should stress with this context at the time I had every inclination to believe your character's eventual release was brought about by metagaming. Something even then I resolved privately with squakhawk, and made no effort to OOCly bother you about. 
 

 
This then brings us to the three allegations you chose to highlight here for the world to see. Which once more, I have no choice but to defend myself against. If you felt these were at all valid complaints then I don't see why you voiced them here besides to try and win sympathy with rather than expressing said concerns to administration to handle the alleged rulebreaking.

 

Spoiler

 

9 hours ago, UnBaed said:

• Almost immediately after my character had been locked away, another fresh siliti (who was turned with mine) began to receive full lessons of BM and silit abilities after I had been ignored for them
• When other characters tried to investigate my character going missing by breaking into the lair, PEX was unfairly used to world edit trees outside of the lairs region away to prevent others from getting inside again
• The coffin my character was sealed away in was hidden behind blocks, with no mechanical access to reach or see it–which is against server rules

 

-Given the aforementioned context of who was given blood magic - and how delusional it is to feel OOCly entitled to it - I think the reasons for teaching said character were fairly self evident. That character was taught for showing their loyalty in a tense situation, and also was being equipped to deal with the potential fallout of what had just occured. Someone else being given a magic that you were not given should not be your concern. This was not about you or relevant to you on an OOC level.
 

-Roleplay was carried out cutting down the trees which people had been using to parkour into our castle since Celia'nor was pasted next to it and the increase in foot traffic led to consistent breakins. Them coming to 'investigate' your character hardly crossed our mind. As a lair meant for a dark magic group our in character reaction was naturally to ensure our various taboos remain safe behind locked doors, and therefore we took the natural measures as made sense in character to be rid of the trees. This was done via modreq at the time the chopping RP was done and as I had a better understanding of world edit than the GM who took my req at the time they agreed I could help them handle the req by using my pex. This was not about you or relevant to you on an OOC level.

 

-The coffin was, as I earlier stressed, not known to exist as far as my character was aware. It was intended to be stored away for a considerable period of time before its reopening. Therefore, there was no IC reason for it to be placed in an accessible spot. It was placed under a bed and the location including the ST sign supporting it as valid was viewed and approved by both squakhawk and any other ST that saw and tracked such. This, coupled with the lack of  any such 'server rule' existing at the time about blocks covering buried/ sealed away lore objects (a part of me is unsure if said rule has even been written publicly anywhere since?) led me to assume such was valid. Whilst some months after your character was released I've seen people complain about this in concept and I have since made an effort to avoid doing the same again, I must reiterate there was no indication at the time that I was doing anything wrong.
In the end when the coffin was heisted this wasn't relevant either, as the people who uncovered it were - as with any heist - overseen by a GM who was able to move the blocks for them. It was never brought to me as an issue, it never caused any issues... And once again, this was not about you or relevant to you on an OOC level in the end. 

Your entire perspective on this situation has been centred around yourself and the delusion that you and your character are one and the same. You need to take a step back and appreciate that the RP that happened played out as it did because that's what made sense to the characters surrounding yours. 

I don't mean to be cruel here but the cold hard truth of the situation is that no-one actually cares OOCly about you enough to be 'out to get you' as you seem to be reinforcing to yourself and anyone else that'll listen.

Another gross oversight I think you are also remaining blind to us that there have been consequences for others here just as much as yourself. The level of unnecessary out of character reaction you've had to this situation genuinely drove myself and several other players from the server for a few months, as we could no longer find enjoyment in it knowing the experience had been poisoned by your bitterness and constant attempts to tear down our reputations. 

Said backlash has also been felt on an in-character level, where my own character is now irreparably cursed and hated by most if not all other siliti for cannibalising HurferDurfer's character after he freed yours and handed over the relic she was imprisoned in to our enemies. A betrayal which I'm proud to say I've allowed to progress into my character's ultimate downfall and ruination where he too is now suicidal and has been brought to blows with other characters. This is FINE. This is roleplay conflict that people have enjoyed. This did not become an OOC issue because it didn't need to.
This is a reality of my own character being ejected from the 'siliti community' for similarly IC reasons, the core difference being I've opted to keep to myself about it and let roleplay alone guide the outcome whilst finding enjoyment in the intensity of the situation.

I have not taken to discord and the forums to OOCly seek sympathy for the IC consequences of my roleplay actions. I have not let it shatter my OOC friendships with those that're now on the opposing side to my character. Were it not for this post I'd have let sleeping dogs lie and moved on because valid roleplay issues should be handled in roleplay; the bare minimum that I feel is expected of a player is recognising that their character's problems are not their own out of character, nor should they be made anyone else's.

 

Why can't you do the same?

[Evonpire 1840]

I'm gonna go ahead and lock this, and ask that people please remain civil in the future. 

[excited 10834]

((Thread unlocked. Argumentative posts hidden with accordance to Forum Policy.

 

This is not a Debate Forum, whether or not the comment at the end is a statement of fact or not is irrelevant. If further Moderator purview is required, both sides are free to reach out for Moderator consultation in-game or on the forums. Major gripes between players should be addressed politely between both parties over Discord or the Forums.

Edit, 9:47 AM:
Mordu's post is unhidden as it doesn't violate our rules, and serves as a personal defense. That being said, I remain very firm in saying you both should either:
A.) Resolve this matter between yourselves and eliminate any bad blood.
B.) Pursue Moderator involvement if either of you feel that sufficient rules were broken, or that there is "libel" involved (inaccurate information).

To me, it seems to me like a matter of different perspectives that can be reconciled without Moderator involvement. But if somebody is required, feel free to modreq.))

 

[UnBaed 8966]

First off, I'd like to point out that I've not made this post for the sole purpose of whining and crying over the state of RP.  The fact that you would jump to the conclusion that I cannot tell the difference between RP and OOC in conflict is actually pretty hurtful, and only goes to show our vastly differing perspectives of this whole mess of an issue.  Part of that is why I will TRY to not make the effort to write an essay of a response back to you, because I've come to accept the fact that there will be people in my life, including close friends, who may never see things as I do no matter how hard I try to communicate with them.

 

It's evident that you and I have differing opinions on what good conflict is on the server, and what can drive a narrative.  I understand others may not share my opinion, they might think yours is more reasonable, or not agree with either of us on what the point of the server is--LotC is a broad community for this reason.  To me, LotC is like building sandcastles with your friends on a beach.  It's fun to build them together, or make your own - the sandcastle is our own narrative we take time to build up; they aren't permanent and they won't be perfect in the end.  We'll never really be able to successfully construct an immaculate piece of architecture in this sand but we still have our fun with it and feel proud of what we've managed to make in the end.

 

Conflict is always exciting and can really help drive a character on, sometimes it's fun to throw rocks at your friends sandcastles and make towers fall.  It allows for change to come, for you to try out a whole new direction and see a different outcome from these experiences.  What isn't fun and what I felt like essentially happened was the equivalent to kicking my whole sandcastle down and reducing it to just a small pile of sand.  And when I got sad, I was told, "Hey, it's just how things go, man.  If you don't like it, maybe you shouldn't be here."

 

I don't mean to be rude when I say this, but I feel like being forward is the better way to go with this: You have an issue with how you perceive RP and what you consider to be correct and incorrect RP.  Once you establish an opinion on something, it's nearly impossible to change that--it feels like there is only one right way to conduct RP for you most of the time.  If anyone seems to think differently than you on how a narrative should go, they're just RPing it all wrong then.  I'm not claiming to be perfect in my judgement of RP either, by saying this.

 

Siliti lore clearly states "The EVENTUAL dissociation" a silit would experience after their transformation.  I read over the lore multiple times for that section to understood that what I was reading was being interpreted correctly--that my character's shift in personality wouldn't be an immediate flip as soon as her CA was accepted.  It's written in the lore that the dissociation was a low yet certain thing [which I was RPing out], and is at its full after a character has been a silit longer than they've been mortal.  My character was turned pretty late in her life, too.  Your take on this only further solidifies my belief that there was just no wiggle room or hope to have altered the path of our characters relationship because of how you perceived my in-line RP as lore-breaking.  I would have still be content with the whole conflict and imprisonment of my character in the end, if I didn't feel as if this have a strong influence over the narrative--along with the displayed behavior following my character being forcefully shelved in lore.

 

I won't go into depth on those latter points, though I do find it immensely disappointing that you would assume Molia's escape to have been based purely on metagamed information.  I believe I only told Hurfer in the end of what happened, and held my tongue on any other information when friends of Moliana sought her out.  As for Hurf's involvement in the judgement of that meeting, I'm not upset with him at all because of how it felt as if he were true to his character.  Although you didnt' see these emotes during the conflict, both HurferDurfer and JEEGK's characters discreetly tried to aid in Molia's escape because they didn't agree with your character's behavior in the end.  I feel like at this point I might as well mention how I felt like I was powergamed against toward the end of that chase--given how my character threw a lantern down behind her to start a fire, which one of her pursuers opted to just hover over it to reach her- despite siliti having a major fear of flames.

 

I never felt entitled to learning magic either, which I also consider to be pretty hurtful to see you accusing me of feeling mighty enough to be deserving of lessons.  I actually felt really grateful to be given a chance to prove myself as a silit, and tried to do my best to bring good RP to our group and help out with rituals and hunts wherever I could.  I never intended to come off as just greedy, but usually when you take in people for a lore group, it is really over-presumptuous for them to expect to be actually shown that lore for RP?  @The King Of The Moon

[The King Of The Moon 5152]

1 hour ago, UnBaed said:

First off, I'd like to point out that I've not made this post for the sole purpose of whining and crying over the state of RP.  The fact that you would jump to the conclusion that I cannot tell the difference between RP and OOC in conflict is actually pretty hurtful, and only goes to show our vastly differing perspectives of this whole mess of an issue.  Part of that is why I will TRY to not make the effort to write an essay of a response back to you, because I've come to accept the fact that there will be people in my life, including close friends, who may never see things as I do no matter how hard I try to communicate with them.

 

It's evident that you and I have differing opinions on what good conflict is on the server, and what can drive a narrative.  I understand others may not share my opinion, they might think yours is more reasonable, or not agree with either of us on what the point of the server is--LotC is a broad community for this reason.  To me, LotC is like building sandcastles with your friends on a beach.  It's fun to build them together, or make your own - the sandcastle is our own narrative we take time to build up; they aren't permanent and they won't be perfect in the end.  We'll never really be able to successfully construct an immaculate piece of architecture in this sand but we still have our fun with it and feel proud of what we've managed to make in the end.

 

Conflict is always exciting and can really help drive a character on, sometimes it's fun to throw rocks at your friends sandcastles and make towers fall.  It allows for change to come, for you to try out a whole new direction and see a different outcome from these experiences.  What isn't fun and what I felt like essentially happened was the equivalent to kicking my whole sandcastle down and reducing it to just a small pile of sand.  And when I got sad, I was told, "Hey, it's just how things go, man.  If you don't like it, maybe you shouldn't be here."

 

I don't mean to be rude when I say this, but I feel like being forward is the better way to go with this: You have an issue with how you perceive RP and what you consider to be correct and incorrect RP.  Once you establish an opinion on something, it's nearly impossible to change that--it feels like there is only one right way to conduct RP for you most of the time.  If anyone seems to think differently than you on how a narrative should go, they're just RPing it all wrong then.  I'm not claiming to be perfect in my judgement of RP either, by saying this.

 

Siliti lore clearly states "The EVENTUAL dissociation" a silit would experience after their transformation.  I read over the lore multiple times for that section to understood that what I was reading was being interpreted correctly--that my character's shift in personality wouldn't be an immediate flip as soon as her CA was accepted.  It's written in the lore that the dissociation was a low yet certain thing [which I was RPing out], and is at its full after a character has been a silit longer than they've been mortal.  My character was turned pretty late in her life, too.  Your take on this only further solidifies my belief that there was just no wiggle room or hope to have altered the path of our characters relationship because of how you perceived my in-line RP as lore-breaking.  I would have still be content with the whole conflict and imprisonment of my character in the end, if I didn't feel as if this have a strong influence over the narrative--along with the displayed behavior following my character being forcefully shelved in lore.

 

I won't go into depth on those latter points, though I do find it immensely disappointing that you would assume Molia's escape to have been based purely on metagamed information.  I believe I only told Hurfer in the end of what happened, and held my tongue on any other information when friends of Moliana sought her out.  As for Hurf's involvement in the judgement of that meeting, I'm not upset with him at all because of how it felt as if he were true to his character.  Although you didnt' see these emotes during the conflict, both HurferDurfer and JEEGK's characters discreetly tried to aid in Molia's escape because they didn't agree with your character's behavior in the end.  I feel like at this point I might as well mention how I felt like I was powergamed against toward the end of that chase--given how my character threw a lantern down behind her to start a fire, which one of her pursuers opted to just hover over it to reach her- despite siliti having a major fear of flames.

 

I never felt entitled to learning magic either, which I also consider to be pretty hurtful to see you accusing me of feeling mighty enough to be deserving of lessons.  I actually felt really grateful to be given a chance to prove myself as a silit, and tried to do my best to bring good RP to our group and help out with rituals and hunts wherever I could.  I never intended to come off as just greedy, but usually when you take in people for a lore group, it is really over-presumptuous for them to expect to be actually shown that lore for RP?  @The King Of The Moon

 

I'm not trying to hurt you OOCly, I'm trying to defend myself in a discussion that has thus far been almost entirely one-sided due to my own aforementioned reservations about taking RP into OOC, and you're failing to see the root of the problem here.

My issue with this situation isn't by a long shot related to how I would've preferred you played your character or how you would've preferred I played mine. It isn't about the discrepancies in lore behaviour, as I feel I made clear already. It isn't that you in the original post on this thread bemoaned not being taught blood magic. Nor is the problem in any way related to who took what side IC.

It's the fact that eight months after the fact you seem hellbent on over and again trying to make what should have been and can still be salvaged as IC conflict - which without question was rooted in IC grievances - into an OOC dispute.
It's the fact that you went out of your way trying to OOCly convince people your roleplay was 'right' and mine was 'wrong' as if it that was at all relevant to roleplay to begin with. It's the fact that more than half of this 'roleplay post' is you to this day OOCly complaining about the decisions made by my character and other people's characters as though they were an attack on you as a person.

You keep glossing over this but to me it is the entirety of the issue.

No-one is or has been out to get Unbaed. Several characters however were out to get Molia.

This never needed to be dragged through discord arguments or publicised on the forums.

Your character 'won'. She escaped. She survived, as did her husband. The narrative can and should continue in a logical fashion, or if you no longer enjoy playing that character then you can just stop. That's also okay.

What isn't okay is the week that I and another involved in this RP decided to bring our characters back from being shelved you then took to the forums to revive what shouldn't have been an OOC argument to begin with. Behaviour that from my perspective just looks like you implying us playing our characters is in some way a slight on you as a person. It's not. We're here to enjoy our roleplay just the same as you.

If you want to enjoy playing Molia again I have a single piece of advice for you and it's that you need to stop making it OOC.

Stop overthinking it. Stop talking about it. Just play your character and find roleplay you think you can enjoy and if you don't think that's possible then do something else. If IC conflict arises again as you seem concerned about then that's fine. That's natural and makes sense in roleplay. It's not worth getting OOCly upset over. It's not something to take anywhere but your character's emotes.

The moment anyone tabs out from minecraft and finds themselves anxious/ angry/ upset about the IC problems their character is facing is the moment it's gone too far and that person needs to take a step back and reassess.

We're all guilty of being irked by roleplay, but in this case it's clearly spiralled out of control. All I'm asking of you here is to try and be more self aware about letting your roleplay bleed into OOC mediums as it has done in this post and past instances. You're smarter than that and have been around on LoTC long enough to know better.

[excited 10834]

Thread is now permanently locked. I advise reaching out to a moderator for discretionary counsel or leaving one another alone. 

Happy New Years!