Notic 941 Share Posted February 27 The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue V The Weefolk's Choice Herald This Week's News! The Dead Walk in Dunwen Blood Shed in Dunwen! A Sheriff’s 100th Candle The Dead Walk in Dunwen Written by Griff Peregrin An Illustration of the return of Jeannette Applebottom, by King Patches of Babblebrook. It was just a normal sleepover for Marrow Whistlewood and the other attendees of her gathering. Little did they know, the seance conducted by several partygoers would be much, much more successful than they could have predicted. Rising from their summoning circle was the deceased High Pumplar, Jeannette Applebottom, who died under mysterious circumstances decades prior. It seemed that, in their success, the sangria-drunk attendees had performed a successful seance upon High Pumplar Jeannette, thus tethering her to the mortal plane by way of what I will refer to as “The Wheatfield Gate”. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worst. Many allegations about sangria urination were thrown around wildly, and eventually my own actions came back to bite me in the behind. After attempting to inform the ghastly Jeannette of her identity and the circumstances of her demise, I was tackled down by Magnolia Fiddleberry and Marrow herself. It seemed that, in my lack of foresight, I had inadvertently dredged up too much pain with the ghost, and thus forced her away. The village was furious with me, and rightly so. I have come to recognize the terrible nature of my actions, and the force behind the loss of such a valuable piece of history. I will try my hardest to track down this Jeannette Applebottom so that I may welcome her back into the fold of society, as well as learn from her life’s experiences. If the village shall forgive me for this, I would greatly appreciate it. I would also like to note the positive hosting of Marrow Whistlewood’s slumber party, as well as the presence of the UNCONTAMINATED sangria. I cannot stress how UNCONTAMINATED by any SUBSTANCES that sangria was. It was CLEAN, and UNTAMPERED. I hope you all can think of me as a proper journalist, whose work is not influenced by his own beliefs. In respect to this, I hope you all can view my work as uninfluenced, and not allow your opinion of me to get in the way of the truths of Dunwen. Blood Shed in Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of Nemea and Peepaw Applebottom, by Bingo Bufferbottom. It was a normal day in Dunwen when blood was shed within the tavern. In a tangle of fists, swords and cruel words, Peepaw Applebottom (who has since relinquished his affiliation to the Peregrin family over unrelated matters), as well as Nemea, a valued honorary halfling and long-time friend of the Shire, were assaulted by the devilish Apollyon Snowell. As many of my dedicated readers will know, this Apollyon Snowell has dwelled within the village in her biggun house for many moons now, and is a known associate and ex-lover of fiendish dragons that attacked our village several pumpkin weeks ago. That is correct, dear readers, Apollyon Snowell has made love to dragons, and without so much as an apology. For years, Apollyon has been harbored illegally in Dunwen without undergoing any honorary trials whatsoever, which is and has always been customary of our people, as well as having been undergone by Nemea herself. This fact was, of course, covered up and forgotten under the threat of King Collingwood and his loyal lapdog, Breasal Nimblefoot (more about Nimblefoot in Article Three). Knowing bigguns, it is their nature to overstay their welcome, and this cannot be put into an example better than the case of Apollyon Snowell. Even after scapegoating all of our cultural traditions due to a suspicious friendship with the King, Apollyon could not resist the urge to physically assault Peepaw Applebottom in the tavern, forcing Nemea to come to his aid. The fight was eventually discovered by several concerned Musin, who made a noble attempt at diffusing the fight and getting Apollyon away from the pair as she battered them with blows from her biggun sword. After being medically attended to, there was a standstill in the village. The Sheriff, who was not present to diffuse the situation, took his sweet time prior to making a statement on what was to happen. Several eyewitness accounts saw Sheriff Nimblefoot in his burrow knitting a scarf for his wife, repeatedly asking if “the pie was ready”. Many suggest that Sheriff Nimblefoot has gone senile, which thus impeded his ability to reach a verdict. (More on that in Article Three). Eventually, it was decided that a trial was to be held, with the date still being tentative until the Sheriff can reach a decision. Although, folks, I wouldn’t hold your breath; it seems he’s elected to make a matching pair of socks for his new scarf. Ultimately, Dunwen must ask itself this: can we not only trust the bigguns who escape the honorary program and take advantage of our locals with violence, but can we also trust the government officials who have allowed this injustice to go unnoticed for so long? Only time will tell. A Sheriff’s 100th Candle Written by Griff Peregrin A quick illustration of the party, by Cap’n Tooke. This week, many in the village had the honor of celebrating the 100th anniversary of Sheriff Breasal Nimblefoot’s birth. Much merriment was had as visitors from practically every bloodline and creed assembled to honor this great adventurer and invaluable member to the halfling community. Many drinks were served, as well as games played, and a great celebration was reported by all attendees. Although, something seemed… off. One eyewitness reports having seen Breasal repeatedly doze off during the festivities. This witness also reports that Breasal often forgot where he was, or what was being celebrated, repeatedly asking others as to who’s birthday it was. Such is the melancholy of age. Breasal has been, without a doubt, a splendid Sheriff, having returned many of the old proper traditions back into the framework of the village. He has defeated many foes, and will no doubt have many songs sung of his greatness in battle for generations to come. But alas, there comes a day when a man must be content with his achievements and pass on the torch to another. Dunwen, I am afraid to say, but I believe that this marks the end of Sheriff Nimblefoot’s term of service. I think, if he is as wise as I have known him to be, he shall select a successor to ascend to the status of Deputy, and when he is ready, replace him as Sheriff upon his retirement. It is a sad remark, to be sure, but a necessary one. I hope to see changes being made in the near future. Who knows: perhaps one of YOU could become the new Sheriff? Stay Wise, Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom Published by the Peregrin Family Spoiler Wowee, that was a spicy one. I usually don't lean this heavily into Griff's Halfling Politics with these issues, but I feel like its a very interesting plotline to follow and very much in character for him to try and "manipulate the media". I want to stress very abundantly that this is ALL FOR ROLEPLAY. I have NO ISSUES with ANYONE INVOLVED in ANY OF THIS. As a community, we have a terrible reputation of blurring those lines, and so I feel the need to stress that very clearly. I love yall and hope you enjoyed, sorry for the late release. I will be posting another one for this week at the normal time, which will probably detail the trial stuff if it happens in time. Stay wise. 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazombo 180 Share Posted February 27 reserved :nerd_emoji: 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakeMeT0TheFae 951 Share Posted February 27 Dolly leans back in her chair as she holds the newest newsletter in front of her, taking a drag of her pipe as she sits in her Harvest Grove office. She scans the paper, brows furrowing during the first article before perking a brow at the second."Honoraries should have to follow all Halfling traditions while within Dunfarthing, Apollyon should not be allowed to wield biggun weaponry like swords. Especially while taking such a prominent position within the new honorary community." The Druidess would mutter to herself while finishing the account of the dispute. Shaking her head she finishes up the paper before standing with a sigh; going to make some tea in order to calm her nerves and allow her time to think the news over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
VoidTermnia 259 Share Posted February 27 "I'm beginning to think I should become a nomad again and live with the ferrets.." A very exausted Moth grumbled, rubbing their eyes. "I swear, they waited until I was back to beat eachother bloody... And I thought halflings were the peaceful ones." Moth let out a sigh, going to shred up the paper for use in their ferret enclosure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
nerdy 203 Share Posted February 27 [!] An amendment in red parchment is diligently attached to every copy of this issue of the The Cobbler's Goblet written in BOLD text. "Do NOT be fooled. This is revisionist history. Make no mistake, as we, along with the other attendees of Marrow Whistlewood's slumber party, bore witness, Griff Peregrin peed in the sangria. Despite his attempts to eschew culpability by ensnaring members of the crowd into admitting fault, it was none other than Griff "pee pee boy" Peregrin who desecrated the sangria. Be wary. Be wise Sincerely, The Scarecrow Union" 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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