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559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP KAZAN GRAND PRIX RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 4th hag i Tov ag Yermey i 568 E.S. Our first venture beyond the comforts of the Crownlands for the 559 Snailula One Championship came today, as the grid travelled south to Kazan, where the House of Colborn resides. The 425 Snailula One Haeseni Racers’ Champion was Adrian Colborn and Snickelsen, while the Teams’ Championship was the joint Colborn-Vyronov venture of SNAAB Ultra Speed, with teammate Rudolf Vyronov and Snairlwind. It felt appropriate then, that our first vassal-hosted Grand Prix of the 599 Snailula One Championship be in the honour of the previous Champion. A bit of a sluggish qualifying session today, the exhaustion from the long season starting to show. Eight snails made appearances today (with Princess Nadya and Elizaveta Cargot missing qualifying), though it was Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz who would take pole position at their home Grand Prix. Behind them were Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII, followed by Robert Ludovar and his new snail, Hanzo. A moment of silence was held for the deceased Turboculosis, one-time race winner, who passed away following an accident at the Alban Grand Prix. With the snails released off the line, it was the two frontrunners Carlos Snailz and Snailvan VIII who battled for the lead, however an early mishap for Carlos Snailz, almost spinning out, caused many of the snails to have an early pitstop round. Notably, only Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio, as well as Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund avoided the pits. During the early parts of the race, the earth rumbled, and a great voice proclaimed that the home of House Colborn would be attacked and destroyed by some otherworldly force as soon as night fell. The HFSR eventually decided, in accordance with the wishes of the present racers, to continue the race. With Snail Slowuel Slimegio and Exalted Slugismund at the head of the pack, that race momentarily settled in with Snail Slowuel Slimegio in the lead, and Exalted Slugismund pursuing. Carlos Snailz pushed intently behind to make it a win on home soil for the Colborns. However, about the halfway point of the race, Carlos Snailz had been pushing too hard, spinning out and crashing into the barriers at high speed. With Carlos Snailz out of the race, the Safety Snail came out. The Safety Snail came out ahead of Snail Slowuel Slimegio, allowing some of the snails further into the grid, like Shelly Duval and Snailvan VIII, to catch up. Though as the Safety Snail was released, it looked like it was either going to be Snail Slowuel Slimegio or Shelly Duval who would take the win, while Snailvan VIII and Exalted Slugismund lurked behind them. Prince Aleksandr and S’Nail var Slimaki, who missed a couple of races in the middle of the season, was once more struggling to regain their form, and lingered around the back of the grid. Indeed, if Elizaveta Cargot had not been late, and started the race some ways back. While Snail Slowuel Slimegio and Shelly Duval battled intently for the lead, Hanzo had an accident involving a rock suddenly on track (the HFSR has yet to rule on the matter, as it was raised by the KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR team, that the rock had been thrown by Ser Joakim Colborn). The Safety Snail once again came out. Snail Slowuel Slimegio and Shelly Duval both ducked into the pits once more, giving Snailvan VIII the on track lead. But as the Safety Snail released the snails to race once again, Snail Slowuel Slimegio and Shelly Duval quickly retook the lead, duelling as they headed towards the finish line. It seemed, however, that Snail Snowuel Slimegio had not been slimed up properly during the pit, and fell back behind Shelly Duval, who would take home their first ever win. A great performance for Dima Kovachev, who was recently adopted into the Scyfling culture. A home win, in our eyes! Snail Slowuel Slimegio would not take second. Indeed, Exalted Slugismund swooped past, taking home second place. Snail Slowuel Slimegio could only muster third place, a disappointing end to a promising race. Snailvan VIII would take home fourth, followed by teammate S’Nail var Slimaki in fifth. Despite being some ways back, Elizaveta Cargot would come in sixth. As soon as the race ended, the otherwordly forces, having waited patiently for the race to finish, immediately attacked. The fans awarded Shelly Duval with the Snail of the Day Award, for their excellent race track in bringing home a Scyfling win in Kazan! As it stands, the Racers’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio - 77 points. 2nd - Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII - 70 points. 3rd - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz - 56 points. 4th - Dima Kovachev and Shelly Duval - 31 points. 5th - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff - 30 points. 6th - Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund - 30 points. 7th - Prince Aleksandr and S’Nail var Slimaki - 27 points. 8th - King Karl and Lightning McKoenas - 26 points. 9th - Robert Ludovar and Hanzo - 25 points. 10th - Sergei var Ruthern and Slimealicious - 25 points. 11th - Princess Nadya and Elizaveta Cargot (III) - 22 points. 12th - Nóruiel and Slimelda the Swift - 19 points. 13th - Bishop Alaric and Escarsepsis - 18 points. 14th - Azerdel and Fluffy - 18 points. 15th - Daisy and Snuddy - 15 points. 16th - Thorim and Drorg - 15 points. 17th - Kazimir Weiss and Breakneck - 14 points. 18th - Mieszko and the Cursed Creature - 12 points. 19th - Sosina Colborn and Goomy - 12 points. 20th - Sophia and Ikur Seregon - 12 points. 21st - Isurus and Vallei - 10 points. 22nd - Princess Isabel and Swift Foot - 10 points. 23rd - Vasilia Barrow and Madame Mucinda - 1 point. 24th - Andrei Kortrevich and Shelldrei - 1 point. 25th - Alric var Ruthern and Herobrine - 0 points. As it stands, the Constructors’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - SR Galaharing - 124 points. 2nd - Snailderia Crowsari - 104 points. 3rd - The S-Ladies - 86 points. 4th - KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR - 53 points. 5th - Force Alban - 52 points. 6th - Drima - 32 points. 7th - GG Escargals - 20 points

"The Chronicle of the Ayrikiv people continues yet to be written in the annals of history," remarked Tomasz with some awe.

go for it brother, its never too late for good writing.

559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP ALBAN GRAND PRIX RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 12th hag i Grona ag Droba i 567 E.S. A momentous occasion was held today, and we are not only speaking of the following snail race, but the wedding of Prince Joren of Alban to Prince Nadya of Alban (formerly Lady Nadya Weiss). We at the HFSR are extremely honoured that the two of them specifically requested that a Snailula One Haeseni Championship be added to the race calendar in their honour. Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund, who had been in pole position at the Barclay Bargains Grand Prix put in another great lap, but could not compete with the returning Robert Ludovar and Turboculosis, who put in a perfect lap to steal pole position. Behind the two started Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio in third. Converting pole to a lead was an easy feat for the well-rested Turboculosis, who, however, did get dangerously close to scraping the wall early on. This caused widespread panic, and an early pitstop round for Snail Slowuel Slimegio, Thorim and Drorg, Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz (who headed into the race as championship leader), Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII, Dima Kovachev and Shelly Duval, Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff, and Andrei Kortrevich and Shelldrei. The pitstop round was all for naught, as Turboculosis went on with the race without damage, being closely followed behind by a new debutant, Sergei var Ruthern and Slimealicious, while Snail Slowuel Slimegio followed in third. The three began to pull away from the rest of the pack. However, a safety snail in the middle of the race would tighten the grid some. It was the groom’s snail, Exalted Slugismund, who had spun out and hit the wall. This caused a length safety snail, which saw Snail Slowuel Slimegio close the gap to Slimealicious. The championship was blown wide open as, during the safety snail, Carlos Snailz oversped into one of the corners, hitting the barriers forcefully. When the race opened again, Slimealicious and Snail Slowuel Slimegio were side by side down the finish straight, but it was Slimealicious who took the win on their debut, with Snail Slowuel Slimegio finishing second. After the two first steps of the podium were claimed, Turboculosis was involved in a serious crash, which saw the safety snail come out once again. The pack bunched up, with King Karl’s Lightning McKoenas, Snailvan VIII, Drorg, and Princess Isabel’s Swift Foot all battling for the final podium spot. However, it was Drorg who would end up taking third place. Snailvan VIII came home fourth. Swift Foot in fifth, and Lightning McKoenas in sixth. Shelly Duval would take home seventh place, some ways behind the previous four, but also ahead of the remaining four behind. It was a slow race for the bride, Princess Nadya and Elizaveta Cargot, though they would eventually take him eighth. Prince Aleksandr made his return to Snailula One, having been absent for the two previous races, and mustered only ninth place. Shelldrei improved greatly upon their previous appearance, finishing tenth. Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff, who had run a controversial pitstop strategy consisting of a whole six stops, reaped what they had sown, and finished in a historical eleventh place. This is the first time anyone has finished in a position that did not score points since the 356 Snailula One Haeseni Championship (it is noted that this championship was held before the formation of the HFSR and before the implementation of proper regulations for the sport, back then, snails raced with heavily protective gear, and it was nearly impossible to crash). The fans awarded Shelldrei with the Snail of the Day Award, for managing to move off the first tile. In honour of the fallen Turboculosis, who passed away during the race in an unfortunate accident, we shall hold a minute of silence before the Kazan Grand Prix. As it stands, the Racers’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio - 62 points. 2nd - Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII - 58 points. 3rd - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz - 56 points. 4th - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff - 30 points. 5th - King Karl and Lightning McKoenas - 26 points. 6th - Robert Ludovar and Turboculosis - 25 points. 7th - Sergei var Ruthern and Slimealicious - 25 points. 8th - Nóruiel and Slimelda the Swift - 19 points. 9th - Bishop Alaric and Escarsepsis - 18 points. 10th - Azerdel and Fluffy - 18 points. 11th - Prince Aleksandr and S’Nail var Slimaki - 17 points. 12th - Daisy and Snuddy - 15 points. 13th - Thorim and Drorg - 15 points. 14th - Princess Nadya and Elizaveta Cargot (III) - 14 points. 15th - Kazimir Weiss and Breakneck - 14 points. 16th - Mieszko and the Cursed Creature - 12 points. 17th - Sosina Colborn and Goomy - 12 points. 18th - Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund - 12 points. 19th - Sophia and Ikur Seregon - 12 points. 20th - Isurus and Vallei - 10 points. 21st - Princess Isabel and Swift Foot - 10 points. 22nd - Dima Kovachev and Shelly Duval - 6 points. 23rd - Vasilia Barrow and Madame Mucinda - 1 point. 24th - Andrei Kortrevich and Shelldrei - 1 point. 25th - Alric var Ruthern and Herobrine - 0 points. As it stands, the Constructors’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - SR Galaharing - 102 points. 2nd - Snailderia Crowsari - 88 points. 3rd - The S-Ladies - 86 points. 4th - KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR - 53 points. 5th - Force Alban - 26 points. 6th - GG Escargals - 20 points. 7th - Drima - 7 points

UPDATE FROM THE HFSR REVISED RACE CALENDAR FOR THE 559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 8th hag i Msitza ag Dargund i 566 E.S. INTRODUCTION We at the Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing would like to start by thanking you; the participants, spectators, and fans of Snail Racing and Snailula One. Without you and your support, the return of Snailula One after over 130 years would not have been possible, it is you all that have breathed life back into this sport through your passion. Thanks to you, the 559 Snailula One Haeseni Championship, as well as the 565 Lifsnaila 500, have been roaring successes. The popularity of Snailula One has not gone unnoticed by us, and as such we would like to give something back to you, the racers and the fans. The Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing would like to announce the addition of four extra races to the 599 Snailula One Haeseni Championship, taking the total to nine. It is no secret that we were unhappy with the amount of races initially announced in 558 E.S., and we are therefore extremely pleased to announce this. The following four races are announced for the 559 Snailula One Haeseni Championship: The Alban Grand Prix, the Kazan Grand Prix, the Novkursain Grand Prix, and the Koppány Grand Prix - these races shall be added to the calendar, all to take place in between the Barclay Bargains Grand Prix held this year, and the St. Karl’s Barracks Grand Prix. (Do note, dear Reader, that the schedule of these is preliminary, and pending scheduling with the respective Peers). While this announcement is most pleasing, and shall allow new participants to enter and compete in Snailula One, as well as bring further intensity to the ongoing Championship, we are hopeful that this will not be the end of the announcements regarding the current season. We are eager to expand with further races, and are happy to be contacted by any Peer of Haense regarding a race in their lands. Though, with the addition of three usual races, we shall extend priority to races meant to celebrate special occasions, such as weddings. We would also like to extend our thanks to our sponsors: The Crown of Haense, Burger Koeng, Gudiyear Tyres, Karlsberg, and Crowster Energy. UPDATED RACE CALENDAR AS OF 566 E.S. The updated race calendar for the 559 Snailula One Haeseni Championship, which shall be updated upon further additions to the race calendar, is as follows: Aleksandrplatz Grand Prix (completed 561 E.S.) A staple of the Snailula One Calendar, the opening race of the Championship shall take place in the city square, Aleksandrplatz, as has been tradition for the previous Championships. Atop the crow that marks Nauvaldev as the gem of our Kingdom, a promising race is surely in store. (This race has previously been known as the Karosgrad Square Grand Prix in 356 E.S. and the Square of Crows Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 356 E.S. - Lady Ingrid Barclay and Snailimus Maximus 425 E.S. - HRM Emma of Jerovitz and Snailman of CR Emma’s Cooking 561 E.S. result 1st - Robert Ludovar and Tuberculosis 2nd - Bishop Alaric Valkonen 3rd - Prince Aleksandr of Galahar King Karl IV’s Coronation Grand Prix (completed 562 E.S.) The first race added to the 559 Snailula One Haeseni Championship following its announcement in 558 E.S., to celebrate the coronation of King Karl IV, who himself is an active Snail Racer, currently participating in the Championship. It took place in the Aleksandr Platz, featuring an alternative track layout than the previous Aleksandrplatz Grand Prix. 562 E.S. result 1st - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz 2nd - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio 3rd - Princess Nóruiel of Númenost and Slimelda the Swift Karoswald Grand Prix (completed 563 E.S.) Another returning race, the tourney grounds by the Karoswald shall lay host to the Championship’s only excursion beyond the walls of Nauvaldev. A very linear track, speed will be the determining factor in crowning our winner. (This race has previously been known as the Trelka Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 425 E.S. - HRH Dorothea of Vidaus and Marshella Escargeux of LR Snailification 563 E.S. result 1st - Princess Milena of Galahar and Snailvan VIII 2nd - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff 3rd - Daisy and Snuddy Barclay Bargains Grand Prix (completed 566 E.S.) Thank you to our sponsor, Barclay Bargains, for sponsoring the 559 E.S. iteration of the Gardens Grand Prix - Remember, that’s a Barclay Bargain. The race shall take place in the gardens on the right of the city, on a track with many twists and turns, bound to be challenging for all. (This race has previously been known as the Royal Gardens Grand Prix in 356 E.S. and the Lily Gardens Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 356 E.S. - Konstantin Wick and Slicky Wicky 425 E.S. - Lord Adrian Colborn and Snickelsen of SNAAB Ultra Speed 566 E.S. result 1st - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz 2nd - Azerdel and Fluffy 3rd - Princess Milena of Galahar and Snailvan VIII Alban Grand Prix We would like to extend our thanks to Prince Joren of Alban and Lady Nadya Weiss, for allowing Snailula One to make their special occasion even more special. The HFSR had not expected the return of the Alban Grand Prix, after all, the circumstances for it are rather uncommon. The race shall take place in the Haeseni tourney grounds. (This race has previously been known as the Matyas and Adele’s Wedding Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 425 E.S. - Grigory Vyronov and Body Odour of PR Sigmar-Auréle Kazan Grand Prix Kazan, the Home of House Colborn, shall have its inaugural Snailula One Grand Prix, hosted in the festival grounds of the Scyfling March. This most interesting track has been designed to be a true test of the agility of the various snails, prioritising precise cornering over raw speed. Novkursain Grand Prix Our second venture into vassal lands shall take us to Novkursain, home of House Weiss. Here, within the beautiful landscape that surrounds the keep, shall the racing snails be tested in a balanced circuit, where talent within every aspect of Snailula One will be key. Koppány Grand Prix In the lands of Koppány, far out in the Aestmarch, shall be the final race of our ventures out into vassal lands. The track has been designed as an oval, around the Saintswood that marks the courtyard of Xéniavaros meant to test the speed and endurance of the snails. St. Karl’s Barracks Grand Prix St. Karl’s Barracks previously laid host to one of the most dramatic Snailula One races of the 425 E.S. Championship, this time it returns in a new setting, but the simple oval track of the barracks will stand as a true test once more. Previous race winners: 425 E.S. - HRH Amadea of Susa and Snance Snoll of Force Rhenyari Kastell Lesanov Grand Prix The 559 E.S. Championship shall end with a debut for a new track, for the grand finale shall be held within the confines of Kastell Lesanov - facing up against one another in the throne room, the Champion will be crowned. TIZ LIFST I SNEGLZ, Tomasz van ve Karoswald, President of the Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing

"So excited!" says Tomasz, wedding and snail racing enthuasiast.

559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP BARCLAY BARGAINS GRAND PRIX RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 1st hag i Grona ag Droba i 566 E.S. Snailula One has returned to the forefront of Haeseni Sports, having allowed the Snails two years off, one for rest, and one for Lifstala (in which the inaugural Lifsnaila 500) was held. The Barclay Bargains Grand Prix was an exciting event, despite many Snails withdrawing during the start of the race. Ahead of the race, thirteen snails lined up to begin. Prince Aleksandr of SR Galaharing was absent once more, though Sosina Colborn signed up to take his spot on the team for the race, as she usually races independently. It was pole position for Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund, who had driven a perfect lap around the Barclay Bargains Arena. King Karl IV and Lightning McKoenas lined up behind him, with Ser Andrei and Shelldrei lined up in third. None of our front three got off to the start they would have hoped for, instead it was Mikhaila Colborn Carlos Snailz who managed to jump from the back to the lead of the race immediately. Drima, the team consisting of Shelldrei and Dima Kovachev’s Snailma, did not have the beginning to their Snailula One careers as they wanted. While they had had their snail racing debut at the Lifsnaila 500, in which they finished second, Snailula One was a whole different deal. Shelldrei did not make it far into the race, spinning into the wall off the starting line. This triggered an early safety snail, calling for a pitstop round. However, during the safety snail, the Patriarch of Jorenus issued a rally call for the Haeseni to aid in defeating servants of Iblees. This resulted in the withdrawals of Exalted Slugismund, Lightning McKoenas, Snailma, and Nadya Weiss’ Elizaveta Cargot, as well as Kazimir Weiss’ Breakneck. With Shelldrei’s crash, and the five withdrawals, only seven snails remained. Azerdel’s Fluffy, Thorim’s Wolf, Sosina Colborn’s Goomy, Isurus’ Vallui, Mikhaila Colborn’s Carlos Snailz, Tomasz Karoswald’s Snail Slowuel Slimegio, and Princess Milena’s Snailvan VIII. Carlos Snailz took the lead after the safety snail, easily pulling away from the other snails, who were battling for the podium spots behind them. It looked impossible to catch Carlos Snailz, until Wolf spun out, triggering a long safety snail. While not everyone caught up to Carlos Snailz during the safety snail, Vallui and Snail Slowuel Slimegio did. However, Carlos Snailz ducked into the pits just before the safety snail ended, allowing them fresh slime for the remainder of the race. And that was a wise move indeed, for as snails were released to race again, Carlos Snailz pulled away again, completing their dominant performance with a second win of the season. Vallui and Snail Slowuel Slimegio, on the other hand, struggled to follow along, and fell to the back of the grid. Debutant Fluffy would take home second place, easily getting past the slower frontrunners. A superb pitstop from SR Galaharing allowed Snailvan VIII to jump all the way into third place with extreme speed, securing a second consecutive podium finish. Goomy built on the experience they built up at the Lifsnaila 500, mustering home fourth place. Vallui would take home fifth place, while Snail Slowuel Slimegio fell to the back of the grid, taking sixth (and last). While who possesses the top three positions in the Championship did not change upon this eve, their positions surely did! It is very much all to play for still. The fans awarded Lightning McKoenas, Snailma, Exalted Slugismund, and Elizaveta Cargot with a joint Snail of the Day Award, for withdrawing from the race to protect the Kingdom. As it stands, the Racers’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz - 56 points. 2nd - Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII - 46 points. 3rd - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio - 44 points. 4th - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff - 30 points. 5th - Robert Ludovar and Turboculosis - 25 points 6th - Nóruiel and Slimelda the Swift - 19 points. 7th - Bishop Alaric and Escarsepsis - 18 points. 8th - Azerdel and Fluffy - 18 points. 9th - King Karl and Lightning McKoenas - 18 points. 10th - Prince Aleksandr and S’Nail var Slimaki - 15 points. 11th - Daisy and Snuddy - 15 points. 12th - Kazimir Weiss and Breakneck - 14 points. 13th - Mieszko and the Cursed Creature - 12 points. 14th - Sophia and Ikur Seregon - 12 points. 15th - Sosina Colborn and Goomy - 12 points. 16th - Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund - 12 points. 17th - Nadya Weiss and Elizaveta Cargot - 10 points. 18th - Isurus and Vallei - 0 points. 19th - Vasilia Barrow and Madame Mucinda - 1 point. 20th - Alric var Ruthern and Herobrine - 0 points. 21st - Dima Kovachev and Snailma - 0 points. 22nd - Thorim and Wolf - 0 points. 23rd - Andrei Kortrevich and Shelldrei - 0 points. As it stands, the Constructors’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - SR Galaharing - 88 points. 2nd - The S-Ladies - 86 points. 3rd - Snailderia Crowsari - 62 points. 4th - KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR - 43 points. 5th - Force Alban - 22 points. 6th - GG Escargals - 20 points. 7th - Drima - 0 points.

565 HFSR LIFSNAILA 500 KOVGRAD LIFSNAILA 500 RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 12th hag i Grona ag Droba i 565 E.S. The inaugural Lifsnaila 500 took place at the 565 E.S. Lifsnaila, hosted as part of the Day of Revelry in Kovgrad. With a special set of rules issued in 564 E.S., the Lifsnaila 500 is a special one-off occasion to be held during this Lifstala and future ones, for further reading on the rules, see the 564 HFSR Lifsnaila 500 Rules and Regulations. There were twenty participants divided into teams of two, making a total of ten teams. Every team would tie their snails together, and true cooperation between the two teammates and their snails would be the only thing able to grant them victory. Additionally, an award would be awarded to those who moved most similar to each. The teams were as follows: Lady Erika Kortrevich and Lady Sosina Colborn, King Karl IV of Haense and King Therin I of the Petra, Prince Aleksandr of Galahar and Grand Maer Acelia Colborn, Princess Nóruiel of Númenost and to-be Wyvern-Slayer Prince Argelion of Númenost, Tomasz van ve Karoswald and Lady Mikhaila Colborn, Lady Nadya Weiss and Prince Joren of Alban (obviously), Lady Palatine Milena of Galahar and Daisy, Tihomir Ivanovich and Lord Anaksandr Amador, Ser Andrei Kortrevich and Lady Dima Kovachev, and Lord Reinhard Weiss and Sergey Othaman. It was Lady Erika and Lady Sosina that lined up from pole position, with their intertwined snails Snailor Moon and Goomy. Behind them were the pair of Kings, in fact, it were King Therin I’s snail racing debut, while King Karl IV is obviously a more practiced snail racer. Behind them were Prince Aleksandr, founder of SR Galaharing, and the Grand Maer. It was the two Kings that got off to the best start in the race, the combined founders of Haense and Petra taking an early lead. The polesitters inverted their position, quickly falling into last as they only moved once in the first ten turns. The Palatine and Daisy also got off to a good start, in quick pursuit of the two Kings. A remarkable race took place, and for the longest time it was impossible to tell who would take the win. The courting Prince Joren of Alban and Lady Nadya Weiss put in a good fight during the halfway part of the race, competing for the lead, though it would not be their day today. The dastardly duo of Lord Reinhard Weiss and Sergey Othaman put in a much respectable performance, indeed they had a streak of moving six times in a row that took them towards the front of the pack. In the end, though, it were Tomasz van ve Karoswald and Mikhaila Colborn, first and second in the 559 HFSR Snailula One Championship, who would take home the victory in the inaugural Lifsnaila 500, showing their continued talent when it comes to Snail Racing. They had pulled away towards the latter part of the race, and it ended up quite a dominant showing. Behind them were Ser Andrei Kortrevich and Lady Dima Kovachev, who regardless had had a rather quiet race, managing to avoid intense battles for the lead, but still sneaking home a second place. This is surely a good omen for the two of them. King Karl IV and King Therin I followed behind them, having fallen from their early lead to the bottom step of the podium. Their two snails, Georg Mikhail and Andrik Ridgeley, were making debuts in snail racing, so a respectable performance regardless. Prince Joren of Alban and Lady Nadya Weiss came in fourth, also a team in the 559 HFSR Snailula One Championship, however unable to convert previous teamwork on this eve. Their snails, Exalted Slugismund and Elizaveta Cargot (the Third), put in an intense performance. Fifth place came for debutant Tihmor Ivanovich, partnered up with Lord Anaksandr Amador, who is currently fourth in the 559 HFSR Snailula One Championship. Never quite a challenger for the win, the two regardless showed what the true spirit of friendship was all about. Prince Aleksandr of Galahar and Grand Maer Acelia Colborn would come in sixth. The surprising duo of two acquaintances could not quite make the best of the race, though one may blame Prince Aleksandr’s recent absence from the 563 E.S. Karoswald Grand Prix, as he may be a little rusty. The Grand Maer was making her Snail Racing debut. Prince Aleksandr had been replaced by Daisy at the Karoswald Grand Prix, and she repeated her teamwork with Lady Palatine Milena of Gahar, with the two of them managing seventh place in the Lifsnaila 500, a big step down from the first and third place at the Karoswald Grand Prix. Princess Nóruiel of Númenost regularly appears for GG Escargals in the 559 HFSR Snailula One Championship, with Prince Argelion of Númenost making his snail racing debut. They managed an eighth place in a tightly contested field. Behind them followed Lord Reinhard Weiss and Sergey Othaman in ninth, both of them making their first appearance at Snail Racers. While Lady Erika Kortrevich and Lady Sosina Colborn did finally get it together, and even caught up to the pack, they could not make it any further than last place. A brilliant recovery drive regardless, for them to finish so close to everyone else. The In Sync Award, awarded to the team with the most in sync movements across the board, somehow ended in a three-way tie. The awards were given to Lady Erika Kortrevich and Lady Sosina Colborn, King Karl IV and King Therin I, as well as Prince Joren of Alban and Lady Nadya Weiss. We extend our congratulations to the inaugural Lifsnaila 500 winners, Lady Mikhaila Colborn and Tomasz van ve Karoswald.

564 HSFR LIFSNAILA 500 RULES AND REGULATIONS Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 9th hag i Jula ag Piov i 564 E.S. INTRODUCTION Since the reintroduction of Snailula One, and Snail Racing as a whole, to the Haeseni through the 557 HFSR Snailula One Rules and Regulations, as well as the ongoing 559 HFSR Snailula One Championship, the art of Snail Racing has only grown in popularity. As such, the Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing has seen fit to expand the prospects of Snail Racing beyond just the Snailula One Championship, and has chosen to collaborate with Royal Courts in introducing to the Kingdom a brand new event: The Lifsnaila 500. During the season of Lifstala, the Lifsnaila 500 shall take place, as a one-off special race, where companionship and cooperation shall make the triumph for the winning team! Indeed, this winner takes all event shall not be decided by individual skill, but one's ability to work together as a team. In this special race, it is encouraged for two people who have grown close during the season to team up together. Then, they shall tie their snails together, and only a cooperative effort can grant you the boon of speed for the event. LIFSNAILA 500 SPECIFIC RULES The Team: A team must consist of two people, with two snails that are tied together by a string. Thus, they are only able to move together (For OOC purposes, the team is represented by only a single head). In contrast to standard Snailula One, movement will be decided through the combination of each team member’s rolls, explained further in the Racing Rules. The Winner: The Winner of the Lifsnaila 500 (shorthand often called Liffy 500), is the team that manages to finish the race first. There is no Championship in the Lifsnaila 500, as it is just a one-off race. In Sync Award: The In Sync Award is a secondary award given out at the Lifsnaila 500. It is given to the team, where the teammates have rolled matching numbers the most often. RACING RULES Qualification: Before the beginning of every race, the starting order must be determined through qualification. This shall be done through both teammates performing a /roll 50, with the combined results of the roll creating the qualification sum. The starting order shall go from highest sum to lowest sum. Basic Movement: At the start of every round, both teammates will have to do a roll /10, their snails’ movement (or lack thereof) depends on the roll. The rolls of both teammates are combined for a total roll sum. 20 out of 20: Very successful, Snail moves forward two spots. 11-19 out of 20: Successful, Snail moves forward one spot. 2-10 out of 20: Unsuccessful, Snail does not move. In practice, this means the combined sum of both teammates' rolls must total a minimum of 11. It does not matter how they combine to make 11, examples include: 10+1, 5+6, and 8+3. On Crashing, Collisions, the Safety Snail, and Pit Stops: As the nature of these Lifsnaila 500 constitutes that the minimum available roll would be a 2 out of 20, it would have required larger amendments for rules such as crashing, collisions, pit stops, and the like. While the Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing initially considered making these amendments, but eventually decided to outfit all racing snails with a shell protector. In practice, this means that in the Lifsnaila 500, it is impossible to crash out of the race. In theory, that means every team should be able to finish the race, given enough time. The Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing found that such was more in line with the spirit of Lifstala to amend the rules in such a way. With this in mind, the Lifsnaila 500 becomes the ultimate test of speed and cooperation for the racing teams. TIZ LIFST I SNEGLZ, Tomasz van ve Karoswald, President of the Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing.

Tomasz, who had been deeply worried about the absence of his close friend, immediately goes to tell him all about how he's planned their matching outfits for an upcoming masquerade. He did not relent on the matter, regardless of Aleksandr's protests and murmurings of that which he had witnessed.

"The person who created this is a very skilled Cartographer," remarked Tomasz with a couple of nods, in appreciation of the work of art.

559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP KAROSWALD GRAND PRIX RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 12th hag i Grona ag Droba i 563 E.S. Snailula One is back to its planned schedule, as the racing hopefuls make their way to Karoswald, where they faced off against one another in the tourney grounds (which recently hosted the Post-Tuvmas Tussle, an excellent event). It was thirteen snails that lined up to race today, a whole four of them making their Snailula One debut as we reach the midpoint of the season! Though, as this would be a dramatic race, which would only see eight snails finish the race! It was one of the newcomers, Sosin Colborn and the snail Goomy, who managed to show their qualifying prowess and take pole position. Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff, who had been struggling from the beginning of the season, qualified second. Behind them, another first-time racer, Daisy and Snuddy ‘the Raccoon’ (who is not actually a raccoon, but a snail). KTSR Kvaszian Turbo were once again absent from the race. More notably, so was Prince Aleksandr, who appears to have gone missing. Daisy and Snuddy substituted in as the member of SR Galaharing for this race. It was a good start from the pole sitter, but their fortunes quickly turned. Out of nowhere, Goomy spun out, slamming not only into the wall, but Vasilia Barrow’s Madame Mucinda and Isurus’ Vallei. The safety snail quickly came out, though the race had barely started! It was tight from the beginning of the race, with the leadership switching many times between the likes of Snuddy, Princess Milena’s Snilvan the VIII, Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff, Mikhaila Colborn’s Carlos Snailz, and Sophia’s Ikur Seregon. On the other end of the spectrum, snails like Tomasz Karoswald’s Snail Slowuel Slimegio, Kazimir Weiss’ Breakneck, and Prince Joren’s Exalted Slugismund scraped their way through the race in an uneventful manner. But it was Snailvan and Shellnon who eventually pulled away from the rest of the pack in an intense duel for the win, with the lead swapping between the two at a whim. They made their way down the long straight side by side. It was neck and neck by the finish line, but Snailvan the VIII just managed to take home a first victory for SR Galaharing. Shellnon took home and uncontested second. It was neck and neck for the competitors for third, Snuddy, Seregon, King Karl’s new snail Lightning McKoenas, and Elizaveta Cargot were all hoping for a go at the podium. However, it was not to be for the latter snail, who went out of control on the long straight, causing a long safety snail. Snuddy, Seregon, McKoenas, and Snailz were all lined up to have a go at third place. However, just as the Safety Snail was going to head in, Snailz suffered a sudden crash, hitting the wall and ending their race. A disaster for the Championship leader. Snuddy and Seregon had pitted, while McKoenas managed to survive behind the Safety Snail. After a bit of delay, the Safety Snail came in, with Snuddy and Seregon going side by side up to the line, though Snuddy just managed to get in ahead, converting third on the grid to third in the race! Seregon took fourth. McKoenas had slowed down significantly, presumably due to a poor pit strategy that saw them race on slower slime towards the end, but nevertheless managed a fifth place finish. Breakneck overtook Slimegio to take home sixth place, with Slimegio in seventh. The struggling Exalted Slugismund eventually took home eighth place, the final position of the race. With Carlos Snailz’s crash, and Snail Slowuel Slimegio’s poor finish, the championship was blown wide open with only 6 points between the top four racers. The fans awarded Snailvan VIII with the Snail of the Day Award, for their excellent management of the race lead to take home their maiden win. As it stands, the Racers’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio - 36 points. 2nd - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz - 31 points. 3rd - Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII - 31 points. 4th - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff - 30 points. 5th - Robert Ludovar and Turboculosis - 25 points 6th - Nóruiel and Slimelda the Swift - 19 points. 7th - Bishop Alaric and Escarsepsis - 18 points. 8th - King Karl and Lightning McKoenas - 18 points. 9th - Prince Aleksandr and S’Nail var Slimaki - 15 points. 10th - Daisy and Snuddy - 15 points. 11th - Kazimir Weiss and Breakneck - 14 points. 12th - Mieszko and the Cursed Creature - 12 points. 13th - Sophia and Ikur Seregon - 12 points. 14th - Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund - 12 points. 15th - Nadya Weiss and Elizaveta Cargot - 10 points. 16th - Vasilia Barrow and Madame Mucinda - 1 point. 17th - Alric var Ruthern and Herobrine - 0 points. 18th - Sosina Colborn and Goomy - 0 points. 19th - Isurus and Vallei - 0 points. As it stands, the Constructors’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st -The S-Ladies - 61 points. 2nd - SR Galaharing - 61 points. 3rd - Snailderia Crowsari - 54 points. 4th - KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR - 43 points. 5th - GG Escargals - 20 points

Tomasz van ve Karoswald falls onto his knees in despair! Frederica had taught him so much, well, only baking, but it meant a lot to him. He would miss her, most certainly.

| Joust Participation | Name: Tomasz Karoswald Nationality: Haense Do you possess a horse?: Yes [IGN: garentoft] | Melee Participation | Name: Tomasz Karoswald Nationality: Haense [IGN: garentoft]

559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP KING KARL IV’S CORONATION RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 3rd hag i Joma ag Umund i 562 E.S. The HFSR is known to make exceptions to the existing race calendar under special circumstances, and the second race of the season was one of those! The 562 King Karl IV’s Coronation Grand Prix was held to celebrate and honour the new Haeseni Monarch and active Snail Racer. Initially, ten snails lined up for the beginning of the race, though with two later arrivals the total amount went up to twelve. Notably, Racers’ Championship Leader Robert Ludovar was absent, and so was the rest of the Kvaszian Turbo SR team. Reports have later arrived that the young Lord Ludovar was suffering from illness, and the HFSR wishes a speedy recovery. On the other hand, Force Alban made their first appearances of the season. Mikhaila Colborn was absent, with Joakim Colborn racing Carlos Snailz in her stead. It was Tomasz Karoswald’s Snail Slowuel Slimegio who lined up in pole position after an excellent qualifying performance, joined behind by Kazimir Weiss’ Breakneck in second and Prince Joren’s Exalted Slugismund in third. It was, however, third place Exalted Slugismund who got off to the best start, taking a commanding lead of the race from the beginning, though not without challenge from Carlos Snailz behind. It was a short affair for Vasilia Barrow’s Madame Mucinda, who had gotten off to a decent start. The slipstream from the snails ahead, however, was too much to handle, and coming into the first turn the snail slid into the barriers, ending their race prematurely. This spelled bad news for Exalted Slugismund, as the safety snail came out while he was in the pits. A decent amount of snails, including Carlos Snailz, Mieszko’s Cursed Creature, and King Karl’s Michael Shellsmacker. SR Galaharing arrived late for the race, though despite starting some ways behind the other snails, were nevertheless impactful in the proceedings going ahead. Indeed, Prince Aleksandr’s S’Nail var Slimaki quickly made his way past some of the snails that had had a poor start, including Breakneck, Nóruiel’s Slimelda the Swift, and Anaksandr Amador’s Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff. Yet S’Nail var Slimaki flew too close to the sun, and spun out into the barriers while catching up to the leaders. A second safety snail period allowed the remaining pack to once more catch up with Exalted Slugismund. Indeed, no one could quite predict who would win going onto the final straight between Exalted Slugismund, Carlos Snailz, Snail Slowuel Slimegio, Michael Shellsmacker, the Cursed Creatre, and Nadya Weiss’ Elizaveta Cargot. However, as they made their way onto the final straight, it was clear that Carlos Snailz had the speed to take it all, quickly leaving the rest of the group behind, and taking a first race win of the season. Snail Slowuel Slimegio picked up the pace at the end, securing second. It was the drama for the last spot on the podium, as Michael Shellsmacker looked the favourite to take it. However, the snails were five wide towards the end, and Shellsmacker was pushed wide, receiving a race ending puncture right before the finish line. Instead, it was Slimelda the Swift who took home third place. The Cursed Creature followed in fourth, and Elivazeta Cargot took fifth. Exalted Slugismund, who had led over half of the race, could only muster sixth place, due to Force Alban’s failed pitstop strategy. Of the remaining three snails, it was Princess Milena’s Snailvan VIII who was the real surprise of the race! Arriving late, they made their way from being far behind the rest, to battling for seventh. While it was Breakneck who ended up taking it, Snailvan VIII did beat Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff to eighth place. The fans awarded Snailvan VIII with the Snail of the Day Award, for their perfect recovery drive. As it stands, the Racers’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz - 31 points. 2nd - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio - 30 points. 3rd - Robert Ludovar and Turboculosis - 25 points 4th - Nóruiel and Slimelda the Swift - 19 points. 5th - Bishop Alaric and Escarsepsis - 18 points. 6th - Prince Aleksandr and S’Nail var Slimaki - 15 points. 7th - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff - 12 points. 8th - Mieszko and the Cursed Creature - 12 points. 9th - Nadya Weiss and Elizaveta Cargot - 10 points. 10th - King Karl and Michael Shellsmacker - 8 points. 11th - Prince Joren and Exalted Slugismund - 8 points. 12th - Princess Milena and Snailvan VIII - 6 points. 13th - Kazimir Weiss and Breakneck - 6 points. 14th - Vasilia Barrow and Madame Mucinda - 1 point. 15th - Alric var Ruthern and Herobrine - 0 points. As it stands, the Constructors’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR - 43 points. 2nd - The S-Ladies - 43 points. 3rd - Snailderia Crowsari - 38 points. 4th - SR Galaharing - 21 points. 5th - GG Escargals - 20 points

559 HAESENI SNAILULA ONE CHAMPIONSHIP ALEKSANDRPLATZ GRAND PRIX RACE SUMMARY Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 10th hag i Gronna ag Drobaf i 561 E.S. 135 years since the last official Snailula One Race was held, and the conclusion of the 425 Haeseni Snailula One Championship, it is with great joy that snail racing finally returned to the forefront of Haense, with the 561 Aleksandrplatz Grand Prix debuting the 559 Haeseni Snailula One Championship. A grand total of twelve snails and snail racers made their debuts for the opening race of the season, with clear skies over New Valdev, but only one would come out on top in what was overall an unexpectedly dominant performance. It was the snail of Alric var Ruthern, Herobrine, who lined up in front after a perfect qualifying performance, followed behind by Turboculosis and Carlos Snailz. But from the beginning of the race, it would be Rubert Ludovar’s Turboculosis who would get off to the best start, building an early lead at the front of the pack, meanwhile teammate Bishop Alaric’s snail Escarspesis would get off to a horrible start, almost crashing from the beginning. Besides Escarspesis’ troubles, the race got off to a careful start, with the uncertain snails making their way around the circuit without major incident for the first half of the race. It was clear, however, that some snails were more prepared than others, for Vasilia Barrow’s Madame Mucinda took a fifteen minute long nap during the race, meaning they were dead last at the middle stages of the race. A slow pitstop for Tomasz van ve Karoswald’s Snail Slowuel Slimegio triggered a general pitstop round, though with few gains for the pitting snails, it certainly seemed the optimal strategy was to stay out on track for as long as possible. Nevertheless, Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff picked an alternative strategy, pitting twice (and extremely slowly) during the race, with very little to show for it. The safety snail came out in the latter stages of the race, after the pole sitter Herobrine crashed while sitting in third place, blocking the two leading snails of Turboculosis and Escarpsesis from finishing as quickly as they could. Meanwhile the battle for third place intensified, with Aleksandr Bihar’s S’Nail var Slimaki battling it out with Snail Slowuel Slimegio, Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff, Carlos Snailz, and King Karl’s Michael Shellsmacker right up to the finish line. But it was Turboculosis who took first place, winning their debut race in what was an excellent and dominant performance, where they led most of the race. They were followed behind by teammate Escarspesis. The final podium spot went to S’Nail var Slimaki, who just edged out the competition. Snail Slowuel Slimegio took fourth, followed by Shellnon Slugaine de Falstaff, Michael Shellsmacker, and Carlos Snailz, making up the front part of the back, while the snails further behind still struggled their way through the rest of the race. Nóruiel’s Slimelda the Swift, who had a quiet race, would take home eighth. Mieszko and his snail, only known as the Cursed Creature, were previously in line for a decent points finish, but slid out towards the end in a race-ending crash. Milena Bihar’s Snailvan VIII, who lacked pace the entire race took him ninth. While the finally woken Madame Mucinda would take home tenth. The fans awarded Turboculosis with the Snail of the Day Award, for their dominant performance. As it stands, the Racers’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - Robert Ludovar and Turboculosis - 25 points 2nd - Bishop Alaric and Escarsepsis - 18 points. 3rd - Aleksandr Bihar and S’Nail var Slimaki - 15 points. 4th - Tomasz Karoswald and Snail Slowuel Slimegio - 12 points. 5th - Anaksandr Amador and Shellnon Slugaine de Snailstaff - 10 points. 6th - King Karl and Michael Shellsmacker - 8 points. 7th - Mikhaila Colborn and Carlos Snailz - 6 points. 8th - Nóruiel and Slimelda the Swift - 4 points. 9th - Milena Bihar and Snailvan VIII - 2 points. 10th - Vasilia Barrow and Madame Mucinda - 1 point. 11th - Mieszko and the Cursed Creature - 0 points. 12th - Alric var Ruthern and Herobrine - 0 points. As it stands, the Constructors’ Championship Standings are as follows: 1st - KTSR Kvaszian Turbo SR - 43 points. 2nd - Snailderia Crowsari - 20 points. 3rd - SR Galaharing - 17 points. 4th - The S-Ladies - 16 points. 5th - GG Escargals - 5 points.

"Next time I will win, no doubt about it," remarks Tomasz van ve Karoswald to none but the little courier pigeon who resided beneath his thatch roof. He was surely referring to the joust, for melee was not within his skill level.

559 SNAILULA ONE HAESENI CHAMPIONSHIP Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 10th hag i Gronna ag Droba i 558 E.S. INTRODUCTION With the recent purchase of the rights of the HFSR and the associated rights to Snailula One by the Asserala Entertainment Group, and the publication of a new set of improved regulations in 557 E.S., the Asserala Entertainment Group is now prepared to announce that the next Snailula One Haeseni Championship will begin in the year 559 E.S. SIGNING UP With this announcement, the HFSR is now accepting signups for the Snailula One Haeseni Championship. Teams may sign up by filling in the official HFSR signup form. It is requested that each team possess two racers - it is not required that both racers for the teams sign up, a team only needs to fill out the form once. The HFSR will consider signups by teams with only one racer, however it reserves the right to merge teams consisting of only one racer to condense and increase equal opportunity among the grid. RULES AND REGULATIONS The 559 Snailula One Haeseni Championship shall happen in accordance with the 557 HFSR Snailula One Rules and Regulations. https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/242667-557-hfsr-snailula-one-rules-and-regulations/ RACE CALENDAR The provisional race calendar for the 559 Snailula One Haeseni Championship, which shall be regularly updated once the final version of the race calendar is finished, is as follows: Aleksandrplatz Grand Prix A staple of the Snailula One Calendar, the opening race of the Championship shall take place in the city square, Aleksandrplatz, as has been tradition for the previous Championships. Atop the crow that marks Nauvaldev as the gem of our Kingdom, a promising race is surely in store. (This race has previously been known as the Karosgrad Square Grand Prix in 356 E.S. and the Square of Crows Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 356 E.S. - Lady Ingrid Barclay and Snailimus Maximus 425 E.S. - HRM Emma of Jerovitz and Snailman of CR Emma’s Cooking Karoswald Grand Prix Another returning race, the tourney grounds by the Karoswald shall lay host to the Championship’s only excursion beyond the walls of Nauvaldev. A very linear track, speed will be the determining factor in crowning our winner. (This race has previously been known as the Trealka Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 425 E.S. - HRH Dorothea of Vidaus and Marshella Escargeux of LR Snailification Barclay Bargains Grand Prix Thank you to our sponsor, Barclay Bargains, for sponsoring the 559 E.S. iteration of the Gardens Grand Prix - Remember, that’s a Barclay Bargain. The race shall take place in the gardens on the right of the city, on a track with many twists and turns, bound to be challenging for all. (This race has previously been known as the Royal Gardens Grand Prix in 356 E.S. and the Lily Gardens Grand Prix in 425 E.S.) Previous race winners: 356 E.S. - Konstantin Wick and Slicky Wicky 425 E.S. - Lord Adrian Colborn and Snickelsen of SNAAB Ultra Speed St. Karl’s Barracks Grand Prix St. Karl’s Barracks previously laid host to one of the most dramatic Snailula One races of the 425 E.S. Championship, this time it returns in a new setting, but the simple oval track of the barracks will stand as a true test once more. Previous race winners: 425 E.S. - HRH Amadea of Susa and Snance Snoll of Force Rhenyari Kastell Lesanov Grand Prix The 559 E.S. Championship shall end with a debut for a new track, for the grand finale shall be held within the confines of Kastell Lesanov - facing up against one another in the throne room, the Champion will be crowned. Planning for all Grand Prix will begin once a sufficient number of teams have signed up. SIGN UP BELOW: https://forms.gle/CrUvfPLwWeUZ4KdS

557 HSFR SNAILULA ONE RULES AND REGULATIONS Issued by THE HAESENI FEDERATION OF SNAIL RACING Naf zwy 6th hag i Vzmey ag Hyff i 557 E.S. INTRODUCTION It has been well over 100 years since the last HFSR Snailula One Championship in 425 E.S., and the sport is now one written in only the history books, one which no Haeseni recalls in full. Yet the Haeseni still hold a dear spot in their hearts for Snail Racing, and they do yearn for its return. In the wake of the waning activity of the HFSR following 425 E.S., and following the death of then President of the HFSR, Matyas Alban, in 454 E.S., the organisation lost its primary investor, and eventually its major sponsorships, as well as its government subsidies, which resulted in the bankruptcy of the HFSR already in 462 E.S. While the sport and organisation has laid dormant since then, the Asserala Entertainment Group under the leadership of Mr. Sigismund Asserala acquired the rights to the HFSR and Snailula One from Mikhail Baijlejzerre, a Snail Racing Historian, in 552 E.S. Since then, the Asserala Entertainment Group have been working tirelessly to adapt the sport for a modern climate. Research from the Asserala Entertainment Group revealed a 58% average rate of DNF (Did Not Finish) during the 425 E.S. Championship, which has been addressed through development into new and improved slime for snails to use, as well as higher strength shells, making the sport much safer for snails. Additionally, a revision of the HFSR Snailula One Rules and Regulations was in order, and is thus presented as the 557 HFSR Snailula One Rules and Regulations. THE CHAMPIONSHIPS The Snails’ Championship: The Snails’ Championship is for the individual racers and their snails, allowing them to show their superiority on the track with their snails. The scoring for the snails’ championship is based on their finish in every race, with the top ten being awarded points in the following order: 1st: 25 points 2nd: 18 points 3rd: 15 points 4th: 12 points 5th: 10 points 6th: 8 points 7th: 6 points 8th: 4 points 9th: 2 points 10th: 1 point The total of the snails’ points is added together to create the snails’ standings, which will be decided by the total tally of the snails’ points, with the highest scoring becoming the HFSR Snailula One Snails’ Champion. The Teams’ Championship: The Teams’ Championship is for teams of each snail, allowing them to show their ability to train and cooperate together to consistently perform well as a team. A team may consist of two individual snails. The scoring for the teams’ championship is decided by adding the two total tallies of the racers’ championship scores for both snails, to create their total tally as a team, with the highest scoring becoming the HFSR Snailula One Teams’ Championship. RACING RULES Qualification: Before the beginning of every race, the starting order must be determined through qualification. This shall be done through every participating racer performing a /roll 100. The starting order shall go from highest roll to lowest roll. Basic Movement: At the start of every round, all snails will have to do a /roll 20, their snails’ movement (or lack thereof) depends on their roll. The rolls follow these rules: 20 out of 20: Very successful, Snail moves forward two spots. 11-19 out of 20: Successful, Snail moves forward one spot. 2-10 out of 20: Unsuccessful, Snail does not move. 1 out of 20: Critically unsuccessful, Snail does not move and stands the risk of crashing. Crashing: When a snail rolls a 1 out of 20 on their turn, their next turn is spent to decide whether or not they crash. Crash rolls follow these rules: 20 out of 20: Very successful, Snail does not crash and moves forward one spot. 6-19 out of 20: Successful, Snail does not crash, but does not move. 1-5 out of 20: Unsuccessful, Snail crashes and triggers a collision roll for those on the same tile. Collisions: When a snail is present on the same tile as a snail who is crashing, their next turn is spent to decide whether or not they collide with the crashing snail. Collision rolls follow these rules: 20 out of 20: No collision occurs, and Snail moves forward one spot. 6-19 out of 20: No collision occurs, but Snail does not move. 1-5 out of 20: Snail is collided with and crashes, classified as a DNF (Did Not Finish). Safety Snail: When a snail crashes, a Safety Snail is triggered. All snails must stay behind the Safety Snail, which is placed in front of the leading snail. The Safety Snail does not move. The crashed snail uses a /roll 5 to determine the length of the Safety Snail as follows: 1 out of 5: The Safety Snail lasts for one turn. 2 out of 5: The Safety Snail lasts for two turns. 3 out of 5: The Safety Snail lasts for three turns. 4 out of 5: The Safety Snail lasts for four turns. 5 out of 5: The Safety Snail lasts for five turns. Pit Stops: Snails are required to make at least one pit stop during a race, during which the snail is fitted with new slime. A snail may pit stop as many times as it wants. A pit stopping snail cannot be collided with. The length of a pit stop is determined by a /roll 3 as follows: 1 out of 3: The pit stop lasts one turn. 2 out of 3: The pit stop lasts two turns. 3 out of 3: The pit stop lasts three turns. After the determined pit stop length, the snail performs three basic movements. TIZ LIFST I SNEGLZ, Tomasz van ve Karoswald, President of the Haeseni Federation of Snail Racing.

just in case anyone was in doubt ^_^

"Huge news!" exclaims Tomasz. He didn't know who the missive what about, but for some reason had bewildered himself into receiving it, but was happy for them nonetheless.

love you big time nolan an all-time favourite of lotcer of mine and glad to see that you're becoming the next BIG SHOT (spamton reference) some questions (from the heart): 1) when is the next Gusxarnol meetup 2) can i throw up in the bathroom of our hotel again at like 5am 3) can we trade cards in pokemon tcg pocket (when the feature is implemented) 4) do you love me 5) when is the next frank sinatra concert

Tomasz van ve Karoswald happens to read (although he was barely able to) about House Vordel in a book, "Wow!" He exclaims.

"What a wonderful event," mused Tomasz van ve Karoswald days after the proceedings. He hoped that Swine Racing would catch on, indeed!