First, thank you for incorporating Veil Watching into this, I do appreciate it. Also the idea of the magic is quite cool. I do like the concept, though there are some issues. Now, for the criticism,
-10 mages is too high for the ritual and requiring a Mature Tear will be quite difficult. Overall, the way to get this magic feel like it can be severely gatekept, even for it's generally aesthetic nature
-A PK clause is also rather intense for this as it provides no way to help yourself not die besides the star walking though that is still strange
-I feel Mental Effects might need a few redlines, especially in the case of Oment where you can just talk to someone, you can basically tell them anything no matter where you are, could be abused in some way
-Not sure about Moonspeach but Walking Echo could definitely use some redlines, it could be abused as well
-Spirit Meeting confuses me, doesn't explain what the horrors are or what they can do or anything, just says you can make a CA but that's it
-The last ability to become someone new is interesting, until you realize that you have a whole 16 weeks of potential death that people will likely never get to because if they die once, they PK
-[removed, I read the time wrong]
-Also going off of that, why is 18 the age in all of these? The minimum age for learning is 16, the ages should be changed to 16 as it makes no real sense why they would have to wait an extra 2 weeks to get their magic on top of the 16 weeks they will be forced to deal with anyways