IMPURE: The Confessions of Pius of Sutica (Book I)

[thesmellypocket 1841]

((Inspired by St. Augustine’s Confessions, St. Therese of Lisieux’s A Story of a Soul, and St. John Henry Newman’s Apologia Pro Vita Sua. Also the writings of F.J. Sheen.))

IMPURE: BEING THE CONFESSIONS OF MALGATH of HAELON’OR, MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS

BLESSED PIUS OF SUTICA.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR.

 

Blessed Pius of Sutica (1610-1803), known before his conversion as Malgath, was an High Elven philosopher who converted to Canonism and later became a Canonist Priest, founding the Priestly Fraternity of SS. Jude and Kristoff. He was the author of many influential spiritual works. Disowned by his natural family as “impure”, High Pontiff Saint James II called him “An example of humility whom I wish to emulate and a teacher to whom I submit”; he was beatified for the greater glory of God by High Pontiff Jude II in 1807.

 

PREFACE.

 

Pius of Sutica never intended that these words be published - of that the archaic style bears witness, for Pius usually wrote in modern Common, but used this older style in his own private writings. He is also more unreserved in his praise of High Elven ideals than in his public writings. They were read only by his former Confessor, Fr. Griffith of Gwynon, FSSCT and the Metropolitan of Providence, his Eminence Cardinal Gawain, FSSCT. In his last testament (Book XII), he wrote that it was his desire for these words to remain unpublished, but that, if either the Provost of the FSSCT, his former Confessor, Fr. Griffith, or the Bishop of Providence, who at the time of my writing these words is Cardinal Gawain, should judge it to be useful for the Church for them to be published, then so it shall be. Three months ago we received that very order from his Eminence, and so this work, part-autobiography, part-philosophy; wholly prayer, we eagerly present to the public eye, knowing it shall be, with God’s help, of no small profit to them. I remain your humble servant,

 

-Br. Williams, FSSCT. 

 

NOTE TO FR. GRIFFITH.

 

Dearest child,

 

Long have you required of me this little book, and long have I delayed. I hope all is well in Gwynon. Although separated by the raging seas, you are always pressed very close to my heart. I should just like to say that, though my life is short by Elven standards, by those of men, I am very old indeed. I am currently engaged with works related to the life of the Church, so, for brevity’s sake, some decades I will pass over quickly. Do not expect a detailed autobiography but a work more reflective in nature. Your loving  father in grace,

 

Pius.

 

BOOK I - CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENCE.

 

 

Chapter I - Introduction and Doxology.

 

I.I WILL PRAISE THEE, O my God, my one Creator, my sole Shepherd, my singular Refuge, one and only King enthroned in the lowly tabernacle of my heart. My pen shakes, Lord, and the hand that holds it trebles. How shall it render fitting praise to the One who fashioned it out of nothing? How shall I pine after Him in Whom I live, and move, and am? In whatsoever order I narrate things, still I find the thing wholly inadequate, utterly unable to recount Thy innumerable mercies unto me. O glad, how glad am I that Thou hast promised eternal life, wherein “I shall sing the mercies of the Lord forever” (Attr. Ven. Humbert), for I shall need an eternity to do such a thing. But since Thou hast been pleased to shower such abundant blessings on one so unworthy of them, do not suffer inadequate praise, O Lord, but rather lead me on the way of eternal life, in order that I might have that eternity wherewith I can praise Thee worthily. But as for now, open my mouth; enlighten my intellect; inflame my affections, casting me without reserve into the furnace of Love, that this little work might avail for my salvation and Thy glory. And since I have not yet that eternity wherewith to praise the Good God, might I lend thine, O my patron, blessed Jude the Saint? Unite this prayer with that of the Angels and Saints, that it might be a tiny cymbal in that awesome orchestra of love, giving praise and glory to Almighty God forever and ever, Amen.

 

II.`The fool shall say: What need hath God of praise?” (Proverbs 3:2) Modern scoffers do not understand why we praise Thee, O Lord. They imagine Thee as a kind of despot sitting hatefully on a throne unless we sing his praises. But it is not so; Thou art all-blessed and complete within Thyself; indeed Thou art the cause of the completeness of all complete things and the blessedness of all blessed things. No, rather, Thou hast said: “I am thy Father, and the Father of all things.” (Virtue 1:6) One day, I saw some little girls gathering up daffodils to give to their mother. Did the mother have any need of the daffodils? No. Did the girls have a need to give them? Certainly! Simply put, O Lord, Thou art the Source and Fount of all life and goodness, and the love of Thee, therefore, is the sole remedy for all our ills. We must love Thee - the Eternal  - and thus live the life of eternity, or, loving things temporal, thus die with the death of temporality. As the little girls remained in the bosom of their mother, the source of their life, so we must ever dwell in the bosom of Thy love, if we are to live. And what is more conducive to love than praise? If in loving Thee we live, and in praising Thee we love, then in loving Thee not we die, and in praising Thee not we love Thee not. Therefore to praise Thee is life; to neglect Thee is death. That is why Thou art jealous for the praise of Thy Name, O Lord. Not as for an insecure tyrant, but a true Father seeking what is best for His child. 

 

III.Therefore, O my hand, still thyself, and tremble no more. Calm thyself, O my soul, like a ship unfurling her snow-white topsails in serenest weather, and play the man; do thou manfully, and render thou the sacrifice of praise. Be still, and see that He is God. Do not worry about the inadequacy of thy expression. Pen of my hand, fear not. Thou dost not write a panegyric for a fearful despot, but a love letter to a doting Father. He does not care that thy scribbles are inadequate, he cares only for the intent behind the pen. I assure thee, O my soul, that thy God is much better than thou believest. He is content with a glance; a sigh of love. Remember that nothing is small in the eyes of so good a Father. Do all that thou canst do with love, and the rest is in His hands. I will love Thee, O Lord, by the small things: here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word, always choosing the smallest good and doing it all for love, for in the eyes of a father the littlest thing is precious. (c.f. Ven. Humbert, Maxims II.XI.) I am little, O Lord, and “to him that is little, mercy is granted, but the mighty shall be mightily tormented.” (Ibid II.V.) Therefore let no more false humility still my hand. I will praise Thee, O Lord, with the boldness and bravery of a princeling. And I will here recount Thy mercies and the story of how Thou raised me up to be a Canonist Priest, as Thy representative hath required me to do. 

 

Chapter II - Conception, Birth and Parents.

 

IV.Almost two centuries ago, Thou didst breathe life into my heart, (Virtue 1:5), pouring out of Thy infinite bounty the caresses of Thy love, by placing into it an abundance of virtue. (Virtue 2:5) For although I was a babe in my mother’s womb, nourished by the beating of her heart, and later by suckling of her breasts, yet it was Thou that didst suckle me through her. For Thou Thyself art the Nourisher of the mother who nourished me. The milk she gave me was from Thy creation: for Thou hast created for me “a garden of abundance.” (Virtue 2:7) Thus from my mother’s womb and in the years I could not speak and walk properly, Thou didst protect me, nourish me and cuddle me with maternal tenderness through the Elfess Thou hadst created. 

 

V.Thou didst give me loving parents, an attentive mother and an honourable father, a patriotic man from a well-off family jealous for the traditions of our race. Yes, I do acknowledge it as a true gift that Thou didst count me among those fairest of skin, agile of mind and tall of ear, the High sons of Malin, and of the purest bloodline am I. Our race is expert in scientific matters beyond all the sons of Man and Malin, careful and discerning in character; guarding our purity with a fiery craving. My father - the representative Thou didst choose to shew forth Thy fatherhood in my childhood - used to take me on his knee, showing me the whole of the great city of Taliyna’maehr, and calling me his little prince; telling me stories of the wars and tales of heroism and statesmanship from our great forebears, such as the noble Larihei. My childhood was normal and happy. The racial patriotism and sense of honour my parents taught me are still with me to this day, since I recognise them as Thy gifts through them. Whilst I now consider other races my equal brethren formed in the image of a common Father rather than “lesser beings'' (Eos Sinruil, On Purity), and I consider my racial gifts an occasion of humility rather than pride, seeing as they are gratuitous gifts and inheritances from Thee rather than anything of which I am deserving, still I have never ceased to love the sons of Larihei with a great longing for their highest good. And although my conversion to Thy Church would later tear my family away from me, I still do not fail to love them. They were Thy agents, unknowing though they be, and I pray unceasingly for the conversion of my race and family to Thee, the God who made our race great among men and blessed our family so abundantly. Often I have considered returning to my country; doubtless I would be killed as an Impure. My Confessor has forbade me from seeking such a martyrdom.

 

Chapter III - Education and Intellectual Pride.

 

VI.Of course, to believe in Thee or anything beyond the scope of reason was seen as inherently irrational. Hence when my father sought the ‘best’ for me, it was worldly advancement and a good education that he sought, and provided through his contacts within the Silver State. A good tutor employed by the Silver Library taught me literacy in Common and Ancient Elven, and later I attended his small classes of rhetoric and foreign languages. I was given a blissful freedom to explore that vastest range of tomes, which served as kindling for the fire of learning which burned in my young heart.  I also studied some of the scientific disciplines. I worked very hard in these things and was an attentive and quiet student, finishing top of my tutor’s classes in all but science. Mankind, even then, took my fancy, although I was trained to - and did -  look upon them with disdain as irrational fanatics who lacked our intelligence, purity and refinement, I investigated them simply because they have so many languages compared to us. Hence I even made my own private studies in Flexio and Akritian which later Thou wouldst use to bring me into Thy fold. Such studies were permitted and even encouraged by the Silver State, because although some considered the Lessers so beneath us so as to not be worth real consideration [Editor’s note: c.f. Othelu Orrar, Enumerated Distinctions of Purity], others have considered them at least worthy of study and experimentation. I was of the latter opinion; I studied the languages of men with the detachment and contempt with which one might observe the barkings of a dog. [Editor: C.f.  Doctrine of the Pure, “The Lesser Question.”.]

 

VII.But as adolescence progressed, these gifts of intellect and will which enabled me to progress so well, puffed me up like air does a balloon, for I considered myself the sole origin of my success. Time came when my declaimations far exceeded even those of my father, but at that time I was not mindful of the fact that before Thee, the author of our intellectual capacity, “The ant and the aurochs are equally small.” (Virtue 7:7) Hence I began to consider myself the superior of my superiors, arguing with my tutor, questioning the State, and being ungrateful for the food placed on my table. I fear this is a consequence of the way in which Haelon’or exalts personal intellect as the highest gift, instead of wisdom. Wisdom and knowledge are not the same thing. A man of great scientific knowledge can be a fool, whereas an humble farmer who knows only his plough can possess the wisdom of the greatest philosopher. For example, when one of my fellow countrymen wrote to me (presuming me to be a human because I had written to him in an Orenian journal), he patronised me by highlighting my “inferior mind.” (Irulan Elibar’acal, Man’s Discourse.) Doubtless he was correct that my mind was inferior, but his manner of conduct was exceedingly foolish. Haelon’or leaves itself open to the scourge of Liberalism because of this exaltation of personal intellectual capacity, ignoring the need for humility and a sound will in order to become truly wise. Hence, submission to an ideology or creed based on the authority of intellectual and moral superiors such as Purity or Maehr’sae Hilyun’ehya [Editor: Progress and Health] cannot be maintained in the long-term, because as soon as someone finds what he thinks to be a personal intellectual quibble with that system, he will exalt himself above it. Hence a man who considers personal knowledge and intellectual superiority his highest achievement will find it hard to submit to a communal ideology or standard, especially if he is, as I was, puffed up with pride. 

 

VIII.Hence, out of pride rather than love of truth, I became increasingly disillusioned with my studies. I found the rules of Purity extremely hard to keep, and I began to fall into what I would have called “habits of questionable purity” [Editor: c.f. Othelu Orrar, Distinctions], but which I now understand to be sins against Thee alone. I was told by my superiors, by the State and by my parents: “Here are the rules of Purity. Here are the dictates of right reason. Follow thou them.” But they themselves could not follow them. Even my father, an honourable man, would sometimes have the odd irrational tendency, an irritation or an outburst of emotion or lust. Even my mother suffered from jealousy, and, although supposed to be content with plain modesty in the Socialist society, was covetous for possessions and the attentions of others. She even had a secret collection of rare wines and potions, worth thousands of minas, which she kept as a personal show of wealth, a show which she showed to no one. Meanwhile, however, when, in politics, they read of any kind of cause for scandal, they would condemn it in the hottest terms. The women in my family would gossip about those of supposedly questionable Purity, failing to see that such gossiping was a greater poison than the alleged impurities about which they would gossip. I do not say this to denigrate my mother, who loves me so much, I know. We are all weak and prone to sin without Thy grace.  She alone did not gossip among the women. 

 

Chapter IV - Turning Away from Virtue.

 

IX.It was allegiance to a list of rules, an allegiance which no blessed Mali could completely keep, but which he felt justified in imposing on others in the harshest possible terms. We were unwilling to acknowledge our own mortal frailty; pity for those who fell in the public eye was hence perceived of as Impure within itself. I have since learnt this: that any man who refuses to pity his brother when he falls into a serious fault, shows himself to be in great danger of an imminent fall himself. For pride refuses to admit weakness, and hence, as a hot-headed general is easily lured into ambushes, so Iblees can easily overcome those who are assured of their own strength. I do not mean we should not punish transgressors because we ourselves are guilty; but even there we should say: “Thank God I have not done worse”, and punish as men who hate sin, but love sinners. Even when the order of society necessitates the death penalty, Confession should on no account be neglected to be offered to the criminal, so that he who was failed according to the justice of men, might triumph according to the mercy of God - Thy mercy, which endureth forever. Hence, what could I do when I saw these hypocrisies? In my own intellectual self-justification, I rejected the ideals my parents taught me. I rejected Purity as an unliveable standard used to control me by a group of hypocrites who themselves could not abide its terms. I was wrong to reject Purity. I was right to reject hypocrisy. For of all the Canonist doctrines, this seems to me to be the sanest: that we are all sinners in need of Thy mercy, and without the help of Thy grace we cannot overcome our moral weakness. “For if Thou will be quick to mark what is done amiss, Lord, who would stand it? But with Thee there is mercy, and by reason of Thy law, I have waited, O Lord.” (Little Office of Saint Jude, Psalm 3d.) For even that very Sinruil I quoted earlier, who regarded the other Descendants as “lesser beings”, later himself became a degenerate Liberal (Arelyn Iyathir, Uprooting Liberalism.), being ruled by lusts in a way that most of my so-called “lesser” human friends I now have would not even countenance in the worst of their nightmares.

 

X.Ex reverentia praecipientis procedere debet reverentia praecepti.  Viz, Reverence for a law flows from reverence to the lawgiver. Hence why I wrote earlier, Lord, that in loving Thee we live. For if Thou art Thyself Infinite Goodness, then it seems to me that all commandments flow from this one great commandment: Love of Thee. A man who loves someone will do all that is necessary to avoid injuring that person. A man who trusts the advice of another will readily follow that advice. As an apprentice will take tips from an archmage with highest reverence, so from reverence for Thee proceeds reverence for what Thou hast commanded - viz., the Moral Law. Hence, when morality is just a list of commandments without reference to a person, it is bound to fail. But when Goodness is identified with a Person, viz., Thee, from love of Thee proceeds all of the moral life. This I have observed from living in divers places. That in Oren they have a love without sacrifice, whereas in Haelon’or they have a sacrifice without love. Oren claims to love Thee, but hates self-denialism and asceticism. The good things they see, and they praise them, but it is the baser that they follow. Hence what is their love but sentimentalism? Weakness? Effeminacy? On the other hand, among the High Elves there is a culture of self-denial, of modesty and a striving for pure conduct, but without the love of God it is simply tyrannous lists of hard rules, hypocrisy and scorn. This latter tendency I have also noticed among the school known as the Flamenists. (c.f. Fr. Himmler, Clerical Disciplines.) One is the path to weakness, and the other to misery. We must not therefore imitate the Farfolk asceticism which sits on spikes, taking pleasure in pain as pain, but take a filial discipline out of love. It is better to drink wine with humility than water with pride.

 

XI.A man thinks in years; an Elf thinks in decades, and over the decades Thou hast made plain to me, through the will and intellect Thou has given me, the true errors which ought to have caused me to turn away from many of the prejudices I was raised with. Intellectual pride, its negative element, I embraced, and it was even the cause of my rebellion, whereas those truly good and noble things, such as chastity, frugality, diligence, courtesy, loyalty, patriotism, prudence, a sense of justice and honour, and the other splendid virtues which the Mali’aheral can be said to possess to some degree, and with which my parents raised me, I threw out as revolting unto me. For Thou hast planted the seed of virtue in each and every rational creature (c.f. Virtue 2:5), and in revolting against that which was truly good and admirable in our own culture, I was revolting against Thee. And by disdaining those civil authorities which Thou Thyself hast established as agents of Thy Law (c.f. Virtue 6:6), I disdained Thee. 

 

Chapter V - Criticism of Some High Elven Ideas.

 

XII.It was not the erroneous High Elven proposition of rejecting Thee because we believe that placing faith in something whose motivations are not rationally explainable is illogical that caused me to turn away from these things. With this proposition my countrymen have poisoned even the great Archives, as shown by the document I found there on the Elven race. This is actually the root of Liberalism, instead of being merely an antithesis to the Purity standards of the Mali’thill as the Silver State now claims. (Arelyn Iyathir, Uprooting Liberalism.) The Silver State claims to uproot Liberalism, but herself hath embraced her chief root: the rejection of mystery - Viz., anything which goes beyond the ability of the Pure Mali to rationally understand it. But we cannot exalt our own reason in such a manner and expect to come to a knowledge of the truth. For our reason is greatly limited, and is far from being able to understand concepts such as infinity. This is not to dismiss or denigrate reason or her true and noble excellence. It is a gift from Thee, and by her natural light we can come to know of Thy existence with certainty from the things which Thou hast made. [Editor: c.f. Pius of Sutica, Fides et Ratio.] But to exalt our own reason as the supreme principle of excellence, viz., to reject anything whose motivations may be above her, is to reject the infinite on the basis that the finite cannot possess it perfectly. The High Elf hence rejects the concepts of eternity on the basis that he can only understand temporality. He therefore makes his own reason the supreme principle of the universe, holding it illogical to believe that anything is above her. But things are above her, and things below her such as lust and anger cloud her and drag her down even to the level of the beasts. And by super-exalting personal reason in such a disproportionate way, the High Elves sow the seed of Liberalism. For if personal reason be the supreme principle, whereby if anything be above her, to acknowledge it as so is considered irrational, does not the suppression of personal freedom constitute the greatest evil, since it inhibits, in some way, the free exercise of a man’s reason? Hence wisdom must not merely consist in this searching of the intellect, but also submission of the will to received truths from above, and acknowledgement of our reason’s own frailty, seeing that there are truths which can be above her comprehension, and not rejecting those truths on the basis that they are so. Thinking itself requires certain assumptions which cannot be proved by reason alone.  In logic they are called axioms. To reject these axioms or dogmas is to embrace insanity. Hence the sceptic will sink through floor after floor of a bottomless universe; the spectre of this universal doubt will destroy things that we know are self-evidently good - one social institution after another. Do Thou spare us from this dark path!

 

XIII.Neither was it an objection to their rejection of true humility that caused it, but on the contrary, High Elven pride was itself the cause of my rebellion. For whilst charity is the flower of virtue, humility is the root of it. And hence without the root, the flower cannot flourish; and this is the thing that stops a truly pure charity from welling up inside the breasts of our race. Humility is also the cause of lasting happiness, not only because it is the root of so splendid a flower, but also because it is the scourge of envy, which causes us to resent the success and gifts of others. The High Elves cannot bring ourselves to admit that other races also have great blessings which we do not have to the same degree. For example, it would have been considered questionable [editor: c.f. Distinctions] to praise anything in the race of Men, Orcs or Dwarves. Men, for example, despite their much shorter life-span, are not far behind us in terms of technology or culture, and often it has surprised me that men have often taught me more practical wisdom than High Elves, despite a much shorter life. This is because they have an admirable ability to pass knowledge and wisdom on to the next generation, so that the collective knowledge of the race is as if they lived as long as we do. This passing on of knowledge is called tradition, from the Flexio tradere, meaning to hand down. The traditional nature of men is sometimes looked down upon by some of my race. This shows our capacity for pride and envy. We must be on top, and we would never acknowledge the truth of this matter. We are always looking upon rational creatures, creatures endowed with the supreme dignity of intellect and will, as tools to be exploited and studied for our own gain. [Editor: c.f. Doctrine, “The Lesser Question.] As far as I can tell, this makes us miserable, not the objects of our contempt. For this pride and envy enslaves us to them, by forcing us to constantly compare ourselves. But by this gift, O Lord, Thou dost endow men with a knowledge beyond their natural capacity. We see here how Thou hast blessed Man and Elf alike. The High Elf Thou hast given a superior intellect and length of life, and Man, Thou hast given power to overcome his natural limitations by this ability to hand down. If we acknowledged and rejoiced in the gifts of others rather than raving on about how superior we are, we would be much happier and more blessed. The irony is, by this feigned superiority we poison ourselves with jealousy and make ourselves miserable, becoming the moral inferiors of those whom we envy. Truly, pride is an admission of weakness because it secretly fears all competition and dreads all rivals.

 

XIV.This prideful attitude was not only present in our attitude to other races, but the day-to-day interactions of our people. I used to know a young female religious, a Novice, still in her adolescence. Despite her tender years, with the exception of Father Seraphim [Editor’s Note: A Priest of the FSSCT, now beatified] she is the only person whom I can say with certainty whom I have met and can call a living Saint. She had an excellent tendency to be able to take very complex theological questions and reduce them to simple analogies about nature, which is the sign of the greatest teacher. But she was best not because she was the teacher, but because Thou wert the teacher through her. She used to compare Thee to a gardener looking upon a garden of flowers which He had lovingly planted. Now, there are very many flowers there: in fact, each flower is unique and special. There are gorgeous roses of pink and red, little lilies of purest white, striking lotuses of loveliest blue, and, among them, a simple poppy who is not nearly as striking as the others, and is very small. Should she envy the glory of the rose, and should the rose tyrannise the simplicity of the poppy? Never. The rose must recognise that she has all that she has solely from the liberality of the sun, and the care of the gardener. Without these, she would wither away very quickly. All her beauty is therefore nothing but an unearned gift from these gracious friends.  On the other hand, the poppy should, first of all, recognise her own gifts. She should be mindful of this truth: that if every poppy wanted to become a rose, the garden would lose its splendour. The gorgeous beauty of the rose must go alongside the charming simplicity of the poppy. And so, with souls, some delight Thee by beauty, others, being endowed with fewer or less splendid gifts, charm Thee by simplicity. One of the vindications of this philosophy is the fact that often, childhood is the happiest time in the lives of many, when they were smallest and most simple.  This is one of the reasons we celebrate the Saints, acknowledging and rejoicing in their superior gifts. The same Novice used to pray to Saint Julia: “Julia, were thou me and I Queen of Angels, I would wish to be me, that I might see thee Queen of Angels!”  Let the rose therefore rejoice in the poppy and the in the rose; and Thou, Divine Gardener, take Thy delight in both. Amen.

 

XV.Lord, I ask Thee to send me a humiliation whenever I try to exalt myself above my fellow man.

 

Chapter VI - Pius Pursues Pleasure.

 

XVI.Whilst I began to reject the ideal of Purity, I knew not the true reason why it ought to be rejected. Not Purity in itself; nor even the jealous guarding of our own racial integrity. The former I rejected, but the latter I retained to some extent. The true error of High Elven Purity was its elevation beyond due proportions to the level of idolatry, so that a good thing, Purity, was the object of inordinate levels of veneration to become the very basis of the State and ideology. For whenever anyone exalts a societal or natural principle, such as race, or the state, or a particular form thereof, beyond its proper proportion and place, however necessary or honourable it may be, perverts that very thing he exalts, and thus is the cause of great chaos and moral injustice. This is a more subtle form of idolatry than the worship of Angels or Daemons, which the Mali’aheral rightly reject. But this subtler form, namely, rooting the superlative good in something temporal and fading, can be more dangerous, in that it is unconscious. The superlative good must not be rooted in any one principle except the superlative good itself, which is Thee, but by exalting not Thee but racial Purity as the highest good, the High Elves cause a great deal of injustice, severity and meanness within their own society and their interactions with other nations. 

 

XVII.This was the subject of a public article to which replied a truly despicable Mali, Irulan Elibar’acal. This man wrote a letter zealously persecuting an Elfess for marrying an alleged worshipper of Xan, an action that could have gotten her killed if she was found Impure. (Irulan Elibar’acal, Challenge.) When I wrote admonishing the High Elven error of rooting the Superlative Good in Purity, he replied: “Neither [Superlative Good nor Purity] exist. Both are fictions we tell one another to create networks of cooperation. These are the foundation of bands, tribes, kingdoms, and empires.” (Ibid, Man’s Discourse.) This means this man was literally willing to have a woman killed, burned in the cruel acids, not to satisfy justice, or benevolence, or any other good thing, but on the basis of what he himself calls a convenient lie in order to sustain High Elven society. This man feels qualified to lecture Mankind on her supposed infantilism. And this, O Lord, is what our race supports, supposedly the intellectual and moral superiors of the entire world, wallowing in the filth of pride and corruption and calling it Purity. I thank Thee, O Lord, that Thou gavest me parents who exalted Purity in this fashion as a genuine error and not a cynical excuse to persecute the weak. I thank Thee, O Lord, that I have always sought the truth, and, however sinful I became during my more hedonistic days, I, by Thy mercy, never lived in this despicable manner. Of course, it mattered not to him. It cannot be objectively evil to wrongly kill someone if our hatred of murder is just a “fiction” to sustain ideological co-operation. Nevertheless I raise my arms to Thee on his behalf every night and day. [Editor: For further reading on this controversy, read Bl. Pius’ reply to Uprooting Liberalism and Man’s Discourse in which he argues against Elibar’acal publicly.] 

 

XVIII.But the same man reacted with outrage at the atrocities of Oren against the Elven race, lamenting that Elven women were enslaved as “concubines, or worse…” (Man’s Discourse), decrying the woes inflicted on our race by Man. But if morality has no basis in reason or objectivity, and such concepts are just convenient fictions around which Empires are built, he had no reason to become so emotional: a hidden emotionalism hidden behind an outward wall of contempt for a lesser. Perhaps this contradiction - moral outrage combined with nihilism - should lead him, and all Elves, to one of two conclusions. Either 1)We are not the purely rational creatures which we pride themselves on being; morality is just emotional outrage and therefore a manifestation of the fact we are just as emotional and illogical as Men; or 2)Killing babies and enslaving women, the things Elibar’acal decried, truly are outrageous in themselves, because they possess a positive evil, being a violation of a Moral Law; a Transcendent Good.

XIX.At the time, I accepted the first of these. I was convinced that Purity was a fiction made up by hypocrites to sustain their own power structures. But unlike the author of Man’s Discourse, I would live a life that would be consistent with my nihilism. Seeking to uphold not only in myself these standards of Purity, but also to persecute others for failing in them would be an evil action, insofar as I did not believe in them. I could not condemn men to death for what, rather than a genuine evil, I believed to be a violation merely of an arbitrary list of rules. Hence I could not remain a respectable member of our society; Thou at least prevented me from that evil course. I was false to Thee, but at least Thou kept me true to myself. Now, straying further from Thee in another, albeit less malicious path, I resolved to live my life based on the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. This I would call “The Pleasure Principle,” and would I be rescued from this dark path?

Edited August 9, 2021 by thesmellypocket

[JoanOfArc 4586]

Father Griffith of Gwynon smiled after reading the first published book of Impure. Though there were still many books to be added to it, he signed off on this version of the book being published so far. "May the FSSCT be united in the next life, old friend," the priest of Gwynon remarked silently.

[Minuvas 2885]

Would come upon the text as a personal treasure, a High Elf Canonist himself. He would read it numerous times into the night, drawing spiritual guidance from it.

[puffables 1125]

(( i am like.. jaw-drop impressed. thank you so much for this wonderful piece, like,, heck.. !! such an interesting perspective, i love this sm <33 genuinely started gushing about this piece to everyone i could find,,;; ))

[!] Upon the chance that one Lleinde Tillun'sae would take to reading this, her brow would furrow at first. Over a tall, thin glass of white wine would the Tillun'sae make her way through the First Book of this series - a tear shed by the end. "This is.. undoubtably a fine piece of writing." the elfess murmured lowly and faintly to herself, some element of shock upon her porcelain features. She'd curl a few thinly-drawn smiles each time either her own work, or a particular favourite work of hers, was mentioned within citings in the essay, the writer in her heart swayed by the intellectual stylings. Yet, at the conclusion of her reading session the elfess gripped tightly the corners of the page, a sigh exhaled - her gaze wracked with a quiet sort of despair, a brow-furrowing sort of sorrow. "My.. they are so close, oh so terribly close, yet only just have they missed it - it is only guilt in my stomach which I might feel to know this fine oem'ii took to becoming so terribly disillusioned as to seek the false hope, the honeyed liquor of deital figures and institutions. Most all the criticisms levied against the Mali'thill might be reflected upon their own 'Church'." A rap of a fingertip against the table, her head shook side to side. "The difference between elmaehr'sae hiylun'ehya and this.. religion... is that the Mali'thill continue to grow, continue to strive to be ever-closer to elmaehr'sae hiylun'ehya: it develops, it builds, it lives through our Peoples' legacy. The draw towards true Enlightenment.. such gets closer with each spark of genius. The knowledge of all, it is a fathomable-infathomable thing; it has a direction. This ideal of a 'God' - it does not. It is but a stationary point - a standstill, a part of the Path we have long passed. Still.. " In tucking away of the papers, the pale figure continued on in her perhaps hypocritical ways of following this Doctrine of the Pure that she so cherished, one to which she was as devoted as any holy-man : a solemn hope that one day, perhaps, these hypocrisies would eventually be outgrown and erased, the vision to which she aspired realised.

[thesmellypocket 1841]

52 minutes ago, puffables said:

(( i am like.. jaw-drop impressed. thank you so much for this wonderful piece, like,, heck.. !! such an interesting perspective, i love this sm <33 genuinely started gushing about this piece to everyone i could find,,;; ))

[!] Upon the chance that one Lleinde Tillun'sae would take to reading this, her brow would furrow at first. Over a tall, thin glass of white wine would the Tillun'sae make her way through the First Book of this series - a tear shed by the end. "This is.. undoubtably a fine piece of writing." the elfess murmured lowly and faintly to herself, some element of shock upon her porcelain features. She'd curl a few thinly-drawn smiles each time either her own work, or a particular favourite work of hers, was mentioned within citings in the essay, the writer in her heart swayed by the intellectual stylings. Yet, at the conclusion of her reading session the elfess gripped tightly the corners of the page, a sigh exhaled - her gaze wracked with a quiet sort of despair, a brow-furrowing sort of sorrow. "My.. they are so close, oh so terribly close, yet only just have they missed it - it is only guilt in my stomach which I might feel to know this fine oem'ii took to becoming so terribly disillusioned as to seek the false hope, the honeyed liquor of deital figures and institutions. Most all the criticisms levied against the Mali'thill might be reflected upon their own 'Church'." A rap of a fingertip against the table, her head shook side to side. "The difference between elmaehr'sae hiylun'ehya and this.. religion... is that the Mali'thill continue to grow, continue to strive to be ever-closer to elmaehr'sae hiylun'ehya: it develops, it builds, it lives through our Peoples' legacy. The draw towards true Enlightenment.. such gets closer with each spark of genius. The knowledge of all, it is a fathomable-infathomable thing; it has a direction. This ideal of a 'God' - it does not. It is but a stationary point - a standstill, a part of the Path we have long passed. Still.. " In tucking away of the papers, the pale figure continued on in her perhaps hypocritical ways of following this Doctrine of the Pure that she so cherished, one to which she was as devoted as any holy-man : a solemn hope that one day, perhaps, these hypocrisies would eventually be outgrown and erased, the vision to which she aspired realised.

((Thanks so much for your interesting reply. When I started with Pius he was already a Canonist living in Oren, so it was very interesting to go back to his past and explore it. I found the authors on purity and so on exceedingly interesting. I really had no clue High Elves had such amazing lore and unique ideology. Stayed tuned for Book II!))

 

That same night, Malgath's father reads Book I of the Confessions of Pius. "My son, my son, why did have to be like this!?" He cries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 9, 2021 by thesmellypocket

[rep2k 2477]

High Pontiff Tylos I lets out a soft sigh while reading the Impure, turning towards his young cousin, "Oh, kleine, this is such a good book. Please, finish the reading of it while you are still here.. Though tell me, how does Saint Pius of Sutica sound.. ?"