[✗] Talonnii Vindicators attempt #2

[Tecnogold 4]

~LORE~

Forty-Six years ago in Athera, a family of elves were exiled from the Thesserian. one of the elves names was Zekk’yrr Dresmorlin Ceru’Chirr, General of the Thesserian Military, he is a strategic genius, with a short temper. His Lord-Father Baden Powell exiled Zek’yrr, his mother, and his direct siblings for personal reasons between the mother and Baden. This caused a spark in Zek’yrr’s mind, which unleashed the arcane power locked away. Zek’yrr took this as a sign and left his family to train himself in this new power.

 

Years of wandering as a poor nomad amongst the other races, learning of the world of Athera, Zek’yrr started doing odd jobs for money, mostly mercenary work due to his vast military training. On the eve of the Sixth year Zek’yrr began construction on a new keep to call his home. The other races began hearing of this, and soon people began joining Zek'yrr and helping the construction with hopes of a new life.

 

After the full completion of the keep, Zek'yrr began instructing and training the new citizens that wished to be trained. Ten years of; training, construction, and peace, Lord-Father Baden from Thesserian heard of Zek’yrr’s survival and took offence, believing that he was raising an army to enact justice for being exiled. Some months later the Full might of the Thesserian army stood outside the gate to the keep. Laying siege to the small castle was no small feat, the keep was well placed, but not impossible to attack. On the eve of the tenth day of siege the gate was breached. Thesserian soldiers poured inside the gate, matched by one-hundred and fifty trained Knights of Ceru’Chirr. After days of fighting, the Thesserian army withdrew, with major casualties, but victorious. Only eleven of the Knights of Ceru’Chirr remained. Zek’yrr Ceru’Chirr, the Mighty wolf, searched and could only find ten other survivors.

 

During the battle, Zek’yrr and the ten survivors had survived only through the power of Eldritch Rage, unknown at the time that they were granted this power by the Prophet Ghost, and their runecrafted weapons and armor, was crafted by their castle runecrafter, they all shared a single attribute with their leader. The fallen Knights became a martyr for the survivors, whom began rebuilding, and strengthening the defences immediately after laying the fallen to rest. After the rebuilding, all cultures except Thesseria considered this new keep and its leader a lord for surviving such an onslaught, Thesserion did not know there were survivors. The new Lord had been given aide to rebuild, and new recruits began pouring into the keep.

 

Some days after the keep had been fully restored, Zek’yrr had began having visions of a cavern behind the cliff-face at the back of the keep, and investigated. Nothing had actually been at the location from his visions, and after days of searching, he became enraged and entered into the Eldritch Rage, and the gateway opened for him. After the rage ended and he was inside, Zek’yrr began looking around inside. Finding an altar to some old forgotten prophet in his right a crimson ruin emblazoned blade. The ghost prophet had been awakened, Azhdial, he was named, resided here in this cavern for hundreds of years, forgotten, with good reason. He was the prophet of the Eldritch. He saw his newly appointed champion approach the altar, and embodied the statue. Speaking to Zek’yrr and telling him of the fate the ghost prophet had faced, and telling Zek’yrr his reasoning for picking him as the champion, and empowering a select few with his power. The power of Arcane Rage was originally given to the warring ancient human tribes that inhabited the area, but the tribe that worshiped the prophet was annihilated by other Humans as they settled in this area. Azhdial told Zek’yrr of the path he must now take, and gave him the information of the Eldritch magic of the ancient tribe. as the statue crumbled into dust in front of Zek’yrr, it left behind the sword. Zek’yrr now holds the mantle of Azhdial, and became the second Grand Master Vindicator, the name was changed from the Knights of Ceru’Chirr to the Talonnii Vindicators of Falcon-Watch Keep.

 

When the Crossing to Vailor began, the Vindicators were still being rebuilt, and during the last few ships the vindicators boarded. halfway across the journey the ships that the vindicators were on was destroyed, and only a handful of people survived. On this new land, in this new age, champions arise, and with them the promise of war.

 

~Abilities~

The Eldritch magic is similar in respects to Arcane, but are not used in the same way, The Eldritch Magic is of a eerie type, not evil.

The abilities that can be utilized are:

• Cloak, which cloaks the user to not be seen for max of 45 seconds
• Eldritch Bolt, which launches a bolt similar to arcane, but does not kill on the first well landed shot, will kill on the second shot.
• Eldritch Projection, which allows the user to manifest a second body, that cannot attack, it is only meant to confuse.
• Eldritch Madness, Allows the user to project maddening images into the mind of another.
• Eldritch Fire, fire from the eldritch plane, the color of Electric Purple, this allows the user to start a fire, or manifest a fireball of eldritch fire.

 

Rune Emblazoned weapons and armor, has runes etched into them that allow the user to channel their power into the weapons and armor, using the Eldritch magic as an extra shield or an extra extension of the weapon.

 

Taught the ability to channel the Eldritch but only while enraged. Tuning themselves on how to trigger it when they need it, these knights of the arcane train for 5 years before they are allowed to join the higher ranks of the order.

 

The Magics that can be used are an Eldritch Rage, it changes the eye color of the beholder from natural color to an Electric Glowing Purple permanently as an aftereffect of the actual powers. These powers change the fingers to the same purple color, and allows the user to channel arcane fire and access the runes on their weapons to put a portion of the arcane into their weapons.

 

The User can shoot up to 10 Eldritch Fireballs from their hands, 

 

The magic is only accessible once every 24 irl hours, and can be used for no longer than 30 solid irl minutes, it can be broken up to two 15 minute bursts separated by 15 minutes or three 10 minute bursts each separated by 10 minutes.

 

While ‘Eldritch Rage” is accessed the user is quicker, but not as smart, they differentiate the ally from the enemy with the eye colors and color of runes on the armor. they can easily confuse non-Vindicators with the enemy. Vindicators train in only one style of combat; melee ( Sword, Axe, Hammer ), Range ( Bow and Arrow )

 

Rune Emblazon, it the power to etch runes into weapons and armor using Eldritch Fire

• Every weapon must be rune emblazoned in order to be used.
• Every piece of armor must be rune emblazoned in order to be used.

 

Attempt #1 location = https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/134675-talonnii-vindicators/

 

 

Please don't deny immediately, if there is a problem post what I should do to fix it.

Im aware i will have to pass Eldritch magic under magical lore, but i want to get the actual lore passed first, I will apply for Magical lore first after this, then the lore for Azhdial.

Edited September 30, 2015 by Tecnogold

[AGiantPie 3169]

I am very confused what this lore is actually proposing. It seems to me that there are like... five different parts to this lore that, normally, would all be submitted separately. Beyond that, the history affects actual characters and timelines and I think doesn't make a lot of sense. I would highly suggest breaking this whole ensemble up into smaller chunks, and submitting each one separately as lore. Arcane rage, the prophet dude, the runecrafted weapons, the history, and the Vindicators should all be separated. The Guild/Order part of this lore has no place in a lore submission either. That can be reserved for a Guild post. Like the previous submission, you once again describe the affects of the magic without ever describing why that magic works. 

[Tecnogold 4]

Well if i have to get the magic passed, but not before the lore, but the magic is part of the lore, and i have to pass the weapons and armor before the other two but not before them as well... you see where this is going? i was applying for the lore section first giving a detailed description, and having the magic passed on a person basis. I want the lore and a detailed description before the rest

[AGiantPie 3169]

You need to write lore on what arcane rage is, and how it works, and submit that separately. Don't tie in how Zek'yrr got the magic and stuff, just talk about the magic and what it does by itself in a vacuum, independent of all the other lore.

[_Jandy_ 3200]

If you want this lore to ever be accepted you need to listen to what Pie said above. Here are all the things that I see wrong with this at first glance:

- Lord Baden Powell was a character in Athera, but he was a human. Not an elf. (Perhaps choose a different name.)

- What is Arcane Rage!?!?!

- What is Aleria!?

- Considering Athera is recent history you probably shouldn't be adding guilds that didn't exist. Maybe instead you could start RP as Zekkyrr andstart a guild and actually RP this out.

- Is there a reason the people who died at the keep didn't return at the Cloud Temple?

- Is Azhdial a ghost or something? How does that lore work?

- Runes on LotC don't allow people to channel their power. (I don't believe so anyhow.)

- What is the source of the 'Arcane Rage'? Such as the void, a deity, etc..

- I would not begin laying out ranks for a guild when little to none of the lore it is based on exists.

In brutal honesty this can't be accepted how it is. You need to do separate lore submissions for everything you are trying to get implemented, but even then trying to have recent history changed for the sake of this lore is likely never going to happen because many characters were still alive then and this would make their timelines confusing if things were added to the past that never occurred. If you want help with this I'd be interested in helping you revamp the entire thing and help to write each of the lore submissions. Feel free to contact me if you have questions. Until then, good luck.

 

[DISCOLIQUID 1974]

You can pretty much do everything you've listed here with arcane evocation (bar needing runes?), I don't see any reason why this needs to be accepted. 

[BrandNewKitten 2789]

You can pretty much do everything you've listed here with arcane evocation (bar needing runes?), I don't see any reason why this needs to be accepted. 

To clarify you can do all of the arcane bolts with arcane evocation and what you described here would be an incredibly harsh limitation of the subtype that is known for being the most free & creative of the magics.

 

Add to this lore document a detailed walkthrough of what arcane rage is. Add in detail what your runecrafted armaments are as runecrafting already exists on the server you may want to either deviate from the idea or learn more about runecrafting to incorporate it. If I were you I would switch gears on the whole arcane bolt thing as that is already apart of arcane evocation. Also adding things like "abilities can only be used every 24 irl hours for 30 irl minutes at a time" or "exact casting times" are necessary and bog down your lore. I would remove the "being born with it" as no character in LOTC is born with innate magical powers. I would remove the ranks from the bottom of the page. Lore masters don't need to know the ranks of a guild.

 

Overall to me this sounds like something that may need to be done in character. Past histories are usually fine being whatever so long as you don't have them defeating iblees. You can learn both arcane evocation and runecrafting (granted like stated it may be smart to move away from that) and you can start a guild in-character. So in reality the only things you need to get lore approved are arcane rage, the eye color thing, and possibly rune emblazoning.

[Tecnogold 4]

Okay, I will change the things here... The Limitations were supposed to be harsh because they are, on the grand scale, warriors.. not mages, so they only have a small portion of the tings an arcane mage would have.

[Tecnogold 4]

I do know i will have to write a new magic for this, I understand that it'll have to be how its formed, what its drawn from, and the works.. 

[monkeypoacher 6993]

This magic exists only to make your characters more important than they are. It gives them far more influence in the storyline and on roleplay than they ever actually had. In other words, (this idea) seems to only exist to augment your own characters' prestige.

Was any of this experimentation actually done? Does this magic just spring from no-where, like I'm inclined to believe?

either way, minus one

Edited September 30, 2015 by charoodler

[Tecnogold 4]

minus one? not sure what that means... But its another magic warrior class that can break the monopoly the paladins have... which LOTC needs a faction that's equal to the magic casting warrior type

[ScreamingDingo 17033]

minus one? not sure what that means... But its another magic warrior class that can break the monopoly the paladins have... which LOTC needs a faction that's equal to the magic casting warrior type

I'm going to recommend that you integrate yourself into a niche and get alot more familiar with the server before proposing something like this. LotC does not need a faction that's a magic casting warrior type.

Now onto your lore, your eldritch magic seems to take from the best combat magics and merges them together

• Cloak, which cloaks the user to not be seen for max of 45 seconds ((Illusion))
• Eldritch Bolt, which launches a bolt similar to arcane, but does not kill on the first well landed shot, will kill on the second shot. ((Arcane))
• Eldritch Projection, which allows the user to manifest a second body, that cannot attack, it is only meant to confuse. ((Illusion))
• Eldritch Madness, Allows the user to project maddening images into the mind of another. ((Illusion))
• Eldritch Fire, fire from the eldritch plane, the color of Electric Purple, this allows the user to start a fire, or manifest a fireball of eldritch fire. ((Fire evocation))

All of these abilities would have to be expanded immensely upon if you ever wished for this to be accepted.

 

This sort of lore always seems to make me think you want an easy way to mould your own special snowflake with little to no effort. Just please take this down, it will not be accepted. It'll save you alot of effort to take it down now instead of working on this for months and months for it to simply be denied again.

[Tecnogold 4]

I don't understand what gives you the right to be un-godly rude to someone who is just trying to make a smidge of difference... but no, you are afraid what you don't want to understand...

[AGiantPie 3169]

I don't understand what gives you the right to be un-godly rude to someone who is just trying to make a smidge of difference... but no, you are afraid what you don't want to understand...

He's being blunt, that's for sure, but he's also being honest. It's rather obvious from reading this lore that you need to integrate more and increase your knowledge on how our magic system works before you go proposing your own lore. As Grim said, I can tell you right now that this lore idea will never be accepted no matter how much you refine it. If you continually refine it, spending days and weeks trying to get it accepted only for it to be denied, you'll have wasted your time. He's giving you advice so that you do not waste your time, and I would suggest listening to it. Abandon the idea of creating your own magic/group lore for now, and come back to the idea when you have more experience.

[Archbishop 1781]

No, this just seems like lore to buff your char.