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Memoirs of a SIlent Knight - II: I Did Not Love Her


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Father Dima watched from the heavens and found a man lonely beyond belief. While the priest had never felt lonely on terra, he felt sympathy upon the man and offered his prays to God for him. "In the church, we all are together.." a murmur from the Seven Skies was said, "The Aenguls, the Prophets, the Saints, the Blessed, your beloved... they all smile upon you, love you and pray for you. "

 

Perhaps his prayer never reached the ears of the man, but he hoped God would soothe the pain of his soul at the very least.

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Marcella had only been out of Karosgrad for about a week, she had wandered down the side of Lake Viktoria from Reinmar, and followed along the banks of the Augusta River. The camp she set up there on the edge of the forest and river bank was small. It contained a small fire, a hammock, a cooking pot, and a little log she sat on. She had avoided the roads to this point, she had a goal for the first part of her adventure. To be alone.

 

Why did she want to be alone on an adventure? Well, Marcella had something she wanted to experience that wasn’t quite for herself yet. She wanted to see what appealed to Aleksandr, about being alone and quiet. She wished to see the world a little more from his perspective and maybe see where the silence came from. The life of silence wasn’t for Marcella, however. Not to say that his silence wasn’t for her, but her own silence wasn’t fitting.

 

She had only agreed to her brother talking to Aleksandr about marriage because her last experience she had remembered with him, she had hated him. She had thought that it'd go terribly, and she could tell Friedrich to drop the subject forever so that she could go back to her work. What Marcella wasn't prepared to be faced with though, was a silent, respectable, and soft man. He wasn't like her, he wasn't bubbly, he didn't grin easily, and he didn't have certain strange manic habits like her actions may be classified as. Him not being like her though, wasn't a problem. If anything, it became something that she might be able to share with him. They were differences that perhaps they could come to respect and enjoy about one another, unlike how she had first thought of him, unbearable. He wasn't unbearable, and that scared her more than she had ever expected. Marcella had met a person that made her think.

 

Standing up in the forest a bit further from the river, she found herself looking around. There was no sound, no talking, no music, no bustling. The absence of talking and noise wasn’t what was missing though. What was missing from this specific silence was his silence. How do you miss silence when there is no noise? she wondered. The silence was too loud, too empty of a silence she might be looking for. Marcella went back down to the bank, where she felt relieved at the sound of the Augusta River flowing peacefully. She looked up stream, where it wasn’t really that far of a walk back yet, but instead of walking up the river, she pulled off her boots and stood in the shallows.

 

Marcella would make the walk back to Karosgrad one day, but today was not the day. She listened to the silence she had thought was the right type, but grew frustrated when she realized that not all silence is the same. Perhaps what she had wanted to seek wasn’t the absence of sound, but the presence of someone specifically. She would continue on, thinking, but not yet returning.

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