The crusade plan By Milkman

[PLFilkomPL 178]

The Crusade of the Great Milkman

To my brave and loyal soldiers of Milkland,

I, the great milkman, your king and commander, hereby announce my plan for a crusade against the elf heretics, as follows:

We will march to Nor'Asath , the land of our enemies, and we will conquer it in the name of milk. We will destroy their temples, their palaces, and their forests. We will take their gold, their jewels, and their cows. We will make them pay for their crimes against us and our cows.

We will fight with milk as our weapon, as we have always done. We will use our bottles, our buckets, and our hoses to spray them with milk. We will blind them with our cream, we will choke them with our cheese, and we will drown them with our yogurt.

We will show them no mercy, no pity, no compassion. They are not worthy of any of these. They are the enemies of milk, and therefore the enemies of Milkland. They are the ones who started this war, and they are the ones who must end it.

We will not stop until we have achieved our victory. We will not rest until we have avenged our losses. We will not give up until we have found our families.

These are my plans for you, my brave and loyal soldiers of Milkland. I ask you to trust me and follow me in this crusade. Together, we can make Milkland a glorious and powerful kingdom, where everyone can enjoy the blessings of milk.

Your king and commander,

The great milkman

Edited September 24, 2023 by PLFilkomPL

[NotEvilAtAll 9945]

3 minutes ago, PLFilkomPL said:

We will fight with milk as our weapon, as we have always done. We will use our bottles, our buckets, and our hoses to spray them with milk.

"Wha' 'n t'ae fock..." Mimosa Applefoot cringes upon reading more of this milk literature "Tha's nay 'ow yer supposed t'uh use milk"

[Crevel 4727]

Vylandris Vuln'ibar, a proud elf residing in Whitespire, milks a nearby cow upon the reading of this missive and then proceeds to drink the unpasteurised milk. However, due to the bacteria within this milk he would have stomach cramps for the rest of the day. He still proceeds to enjoy milk despite this.

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

[Creete 425]

The Primarch looks over the missive with a great deal of confusion clearly painted across her ashen features. She looks around her courtyard before once more settling her starry gaze upon the scroll. "Spirits... what silly nonsense is this? A joke - and a strange one at that. Milkland... Helun-Velulaeya give me strength, these spam letters are getting more bizarre by the day!" The elfess idly stuffs the parchment into her satchel as she mutters something about needing to take the Milkman to see the milk spirit.