news 【✧ KAKTUZ WEEKLI ISSUE XII ✧】

[Gomoore 349]

Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos.

They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are

surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way!

Issue Azhty’Dub (XII) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’H’Gakh (CLVIII) D.A.

FOREIGN AFFAIRS

The War Continues

A continuation of last cactus week’s events, where war tore the human nations. The Covenant of Five, comprised of Haense, Balian, Hyspia, Petra and Urguan attacked The League of Veletz as retaliation after the assassination of Aaun’s King by Veletz’s vassal city, Stassion.

The battle in Veletz happened on the Sun’Smile. The Covenant rallied its armies, as well as its Vassals and allies; thus did Aaun, Norland and Numendil join them. Thousands rallied in a camp next to Breakwater keep, and readied their weapons.

Numbers were not in favor of The League of Veletz, and they could only rely on their walls to aid them in this battle. But those walls did not last long, for the Covenant had brought plenty of siege weapons, trebuchets and canons. Artillery tore through the keep’s defences, and after breaching the walls in several areas, the attackers entered the city to engage the League in close combat.

After a relentless fight, the Covenant prevailed and Breakwater keep fell to their hands.

With this victory secured, the Covenant and their allies prepared for more bloodshed. It seems like they will be attacking again on the Grand Harvest.

ORC OF THE WEEK

Minto’Lur, the Shortest, and Greatest Orc

Those who roam Krugmar are surely familiar with the great Minto’Lur. But to those who have not met the halfling-looking Orc, let me introduce you to one of the best— if not the best of us.

Halflings are not those people would most expect to become honoraries. Could you tell us more on how you came to join the Iron Horde?

“Yub! A while ago, I was banished from Elven lands over dumb elven zkah.” He explained. “In order to avoid buurz and the void, I came to the only people devoid of it; the Orcs. The Rex at the time promised to keep me protected so I have been here ever since. Lately I am working on improving McMintoes! Have you seen the new McRibs?”

No, not yet— So you became a honorary orc. I am sure you inspire many who wish to walk your path; do you have any advice for them?

“Well… I advice any future honorary that they eat plenty at McMintos’.” he declared. “A proud LUR owned business! We just got in our new speciality item: The McRibs!”

I am sure they will enjoy it indeed. And you also joined clan Lur, could you tell us more about that?

“So I love all things animals. Taming them, hunting them, all of it, yes. Lur was an easy choice to make in this aspect, as I am the best tamer in the city.” And, to prove his point, he showed me all the animals he was carrying; two caterpillars, a hermit crab and a pair of hamsters, as well as a beetle taller than himself. “I am the king of Hamsters!” he proudly announced, adding: “And this is just what I carry on myself!”

Minto Showing off some great beasts he captured and tamed.

 

Now, about your business. How’s McMintoes doing? Will you reveal to us the recipes that make your food so delicious? Is it orcish recipes, or do you use Halfling cooking methods?

“Well, business is booming! A proud LUR owned business!” — “As for the recipes, I’ll say what it is definitely not made up of. It is definitely NOT made of elves who disrespected orcs, and most definitely NOT made of humans who spoke the Blah.” [Speaking Blah as a non-orc is an offense on the spirits]

“To find the real secrets of McMintos food you would need to work there. Well, we are looking for an unpaid, overworked intern, yep! Also, try the new McRibs!”

We have discussed this before, I unfortunately do not have the time to be an overworked intern. Is there anything else you’d like to tell our readers?

“Yes! Lur on top! Try the new McRibs at McMintos! Farm Leather for the Horde, and donate it! For the Waghclaim!” — in typical orcish fashion.

 

Spoiler

Ok but I just want y’all to take a moment to appreciate Minto’s god-tier persona art:
https://imgur.com/a/VxmSBQ1

 

ON THE KAKTUZ

It has come to my attention that some of those described as Kings in last week’s issue, —namely Heinrich II Lothar, and Frederick Aurelian— were not kings, but regents. I am unsure what this precisely means, or what the use of it is. I’d say if they rule, they are the ruler, and thus the King. Humans put too much effort into making fancy names for simple things.

 

As mentioned in the previous issue, we are looking for informants for the Kaktuz Weekli. Some great people have contacted us, and, dear readers, we can’t wait to introduce them to you! More will be revealed in the next publications.

 

Due to Krugsmas season approaching, the Kaktuz Weekli may see delay in future publications; fear not! We will try to publish at least once every other cactus week. As always, thank you for your support!

 

[Zolla_ 947]

"ah, if it izn't mi favorite read, kaktuz weekli" said Mul as he took out a pipe, lighting it and puffing a few times before opening the newspaper.