Olandyr 452 Share Posted December 31, 2023 (edited) not a big fan of this overhaul of the lore post, considering the last one was original, and this one is a direct ripoff of The Artists & Shamblers CA from 2021 with the names changed take time to familiarise yourself with the server, the lore, and the community so you can produce some well-written and original lore edit: this post appears to have been re-rehauled to something appearing more original Edited December 31, 2023 by Olandyr 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbo_Dog 1432 Share Posted December 31, 2023 20 hours ago, Punished_Pup said: Background The Illithids are powerful physic entities that lurk in the void, they seek to break free via way of their firstborn's afflicted people that have been turned into them via way of Cognito hazards as well as forceable infection via another illithid. Their society is fairly monarch-like and militaristic with one Overmind Ruling all other sects of ilithids and several Ascended ones acting as his lutenists as well as his firstborns. Romance is encourages as it allows illithids to gain new knowledge. Thanks. I missed this actually 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
subatomic 1097 Share Posted January 1 nice destiny 2 references 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
xo31 459 Share Posted January 2 Yep. This is the best lore I've ever seen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orphvius 424 Share Posted January 2 Mindflayer larp Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avilar 12 Author Share Posted January 2 Please provide feedback on how I can improve as im not giving up on adding these guys Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
exanimated 1360 Share Posted January 2 To try and be nice with this, as you are someone new to the server and has not written lore before: - This is obviously ripped from D&D / Baldurs gate 3, meaning it is material that is not simply 'inspired', it is blatent theft of other peoples works with little to no change at all - You have not made this in anyway the same as normal CAs or magics are written and made on the server. I suggest looking over the links posted on the bottom. - You did not think about how to match this at all to the server lore, or in anyway how the server rps certain magics. Especially adding a focus on romance which is very heavily looked down upon by the ST, especially if it is for a non-humanoid CA. - none of your abilites are explained, they are easily powergamed and poorly represented. They are in simple terms, uncreative and not thought out. - Your images use do not describe at all how these characters would actually look. and are stolen right from a game. - You do not explain how a devourer would become ascendant, nor any of the rituals behind the CA / magic on how to become one of these, though I assume it is by a tadpole in the eye. - Your redlines are a poor mess and make this very easily abused, when you write redlines, write them like they are for five year olds. - Your purpose has no thought or meaning behind it and is a niche already taken by other CAs and magics Links that will help you: Base CA sub examples and how to write it Why lore can bad and examples of bad lore, this also goes over plagerism. A decent article on the difference between plagerism and influence https://www.thedailystar.net/shout/the-fine-line-between-plagiarism-and-influence-77381 And lastly, the lore teams guides on actually making lore, and how to fit it into the server. I hope this helps and you take time to look it all over before submitting again; I hope I didn't come off as rude. 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nozgoth 2897 Share Posted January 2 32 minutes ago, Jaxothy said: To try and be nice with this, as you are someone new to the server and has not written lore before: - This is obviously ripped from D&D / Baldurs gate 3, meaning it is material that is not simply 'inspired', it is blatent theft of other peoples works with little to no change at all - You have not made this in anyway the same as normal CAs or magics are written and made on the server. I suggest looking over the links posted on the bottom. - You did not think about how to match this at all to the server lore, or in anyway how the server rps certain magics. Especially adding a focus on romance which is very heavily looked down upon by the ST, especially if it is for a non-humanoid CA. - none of your abilites are explained, they are easily powergamed and poorly represented. They are in simple terms, uncreative and not thought out. - Your images use do not describe at all how these characters would actually look. and are stolen right from a game. - You do not explain how a devourer would become ascendant, nor any of the rituals behind the CA / magic on how to become one of these, though I assume it is by a tadpole in the eye. - Your redlines are a poor mess and make this very easily abused, when you write redlines, write them like they are for five year olds. - Your purpose has no thought or meaning behind it and is a niche already taken by other CAs and magics Links that will help you: Base CA sub examples and how to write it Why lore can bad and examples of bad lore, this also goes over plagerism. A decent article on the difference between plagerism and influence https://www.thedailystar.net/shout/the-fine-line-between-plagiarism-and-influence-77381 And lastly, the lore teams guides on actually making lore, and how to fit it into the server. I hope this helps and you take time to look it all over before submitting again; I hope I didn't come off as rude. no b*tches no p*ssy no money and ur homeless 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
𝙻𝚞𝚟 XO 3066 Share Posted January 2 1 minute ago, Nozgoth said: no b*tches no p*ssy no money and ur homeless purrr 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
exanimated 1360 Share Posted January 2 6 minutes ago, Nozgoth said: no b*tches no p*ssy no money and ur homeless Hey. . . True but thats mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nozgoth 2897 Share Posted January 2 Just now, Jaxothy said: Hey. . . True but thats mean. sorry ): I didnt mean it Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
creamynoteblock 2426 Share Posted January 2 Accepted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avilar 12 Author Share Posted January 3 sorry I was traveling today so I didnt have time to iron out the issues I will get this sorted out later Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
squakhawk 7895 Share Posted January 5 This lore has been denied. Hi there, I would reccommend heavily getting some time on the server to roleplay as other CAs/MAs to get a feel for how the server, its setting, and its mechanics blend together to make a cohesive lorepiece. Most people who submit lore don't get it accepted within their first year as they're still adjusting to the setting and getting a feel for how things are done. There is an extensive Lore Criteria which covers a ton of ground for what lore is expected to look like, what succeeds, where to innovate and where you will fail. I think not only this, but as well coming with some more original and setting-unique ideas would be great too. Theres a lot here that is heavily borrowed from the Faerun setting of Dungeons and Dragons and could stand to benefit from maybe taking goals/concepts of that and applying it to something more unique and acclimated to the server. It's a standard of lore that there is a heavy sense of originality that, while maybe taking inspiration from other media, at its core is identifiable to LOTC and it's related lores. Overall, be certain to get some playtime in and practice some lore and magic to get a feel for things, and rethink you idea a bit to see where you can adjust and change as necessary. Hope you have fun upcoming 😊 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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