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【✧ KAKTUZ WEEKLI ISSUE XVI ✧】


Gomoore
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Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos.

They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are

surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way!

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Issue Azhty’H’Azh (XVI) — Azh’Kint’H’Azh’ty’Dub (CLXII) D.A.

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ORC OF THE GRUB WEEK

A Grubgoth for the Horde!

The Grubgoth in Krugmar is nub only the keeper of the tavern, but also the steward of our rich culinary culture and refinement. Agh Cob'Lur the goblin recently took the position! What better choice for orc of the week?

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Ashst, congratulations on being Grubgoth!

“Yub yub, this is exciting news, because I wasn’t sure myself until the rex said it. I have been trying to keep the orcs fed!”

 

You have been working at the tavern for some time now, yes? Were you aiming to become Grubgoth?

“I definitely love the honour of becoming Grubgoth. But mostly I find cooking for my brothers and sisters relaxing and it makes me happy!”

“I also saw as a child that the tavern was closed.Indeed, Cob is the first Grubgoth we have in decades, the last ash being Kor'Garr— I always wanted to work here and serve food!”

 

Did someone teach you, or did you learn on your own?

“I learned from my adoptive parents. My mother was Zkrap, agh mi’z popo waz Varn. I haven’t seen my blood-parents. They are most likely dead.”

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I understand you have been working on clan recipes... That Hungry Ungri was delicious!

“Yes! I made something simple yet pleasing to represent the Ungris. Simple yet good orcs who have a big appetite.”

She showed me a booklet with a dozen clan-related recipes planned ahead. “I have to introduce the vinteky stew sometime soon!”

 

I will be looking forward to that. Is there anything you want to add, to blah the Horde perhaps?

“I want to tell them that they are the best brothers and sisters I could ever hope for!”

 

Recipe of the Hungry Ungri

Cob was kind enough to share an exclusive recipe for her latest creation: the Hungry Ungry!

  • Take a whole cow, agh clean its guts from both ends.

  • Fill it with vegetables, most importantly garlic, onion agh hot peppers. You may also add carrots, mushrooms agh beans.
  • For a fresh taste, add a few ripe fruits; apples agh pears add their sweet juices to the meat agh extra flavor.

  • Slowly roast above a weak fire for an entire day.

Then, eat it while it is still warm! 

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FOREIGN GRUBBING

Halfling Wizard Cheese

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Magnolia Fiddleberry, the halfling wizard, owns a wizard cheese shop, right next to the Dunfarthing cheese museum. She agreed to answer a few questions:

 

So, please tell us more about this cheesemancing business...

“I have been cheesemancing for about seventy years now. Of course, my cheese was good before I became a wizard. The magic isn’t what makes the cheese good. It’s what makes it wizard cheese.”

She proudly explained: “yeah, I could stir the curds and press the whey and all that bad hand. But I can also do it with magic.”

 

Agh were you taught magic? Or is that something you developed on your own?

“Do you know of Barbog? He lived in Honeyhill since before I was born.” We discussed a bit about the great goblin philosopher—

“Well, he taught me the start of magic. Then I spent a few years travelling. Hopping between libraries to read all the spellbooks I could find. Now I’ve written my own.”

 

I see. How do you see this evolving in the coming years?

“I’m planning to try a few things out based on some suggestions of cheese I got. Someone said to put chocolate in cheese. Heck yeah I’m gonna do that! And in terms of the wizard side, I’m working on a second spellbook for Kitchen Magic right now.”

 

Do you have students, or would you like to? 

“I’m not the best teacher myself. Not really anything I could teach them beyond advice, which they can ask me for anyways.”

“But I did make my basement a bit of a public magicking space for Dunfarthing. So there will be my spellbooks for anyone to learn from there, alongside a lil’ library of magic.”

 

That sounds great indeed. Any closing words for our readers?

“Smoke pipe, life y’ life. Respect t’ frogs. Eat a toastie. And above all: Stay wizardin’.”

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GRUBING CULTURE

Da Ultimate Grubber

Deep within the Ungri Clan halls, lives a spirit like no other. To my knowledge, the Maw is the only spirit who permanently dwells in the mortal plane, right beneath Krugmar.

It resembles a massive beast-worm buried in the ground, its mouth gaping, waiting to be fed. Looking below from the plank which has been set up for this purpose, ash can see row after row of sharp teeth growing from the sides of its endless throat; a cavity which goes so far deep down into the earth that the bottom cannot be seen.

That is the Maw, the father of ologs, the spirit which the Ungris worship.

 

"Our god is cruel, our god is mighty, our god will consume the mortal plane should we fail it." the Ungri wargoth, Drekür'Ungri blahd me.

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Even —agh perhaps especially— to the Ungris, the Maw represents a great menace, for they know "the consequences of not delivering the Maw what it deserves".

 

Indeed, in the past the Maw has already unleashed its wrath on descendants. It was in the times of Athera. Back then, "even Ologs knew none of their father’s hunger", agh for this the Maw destroyed Athera.

 

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The Maw munching Athera

With a few terrible bites, the entire continent was consumed; those who foolishly fought were eaten, those who fled escaped only to live their last days in fear of the great beast.

The Ologs heard the Maw's voice agh worshipped it, fed it with all they could gather. Agh so far, it seems they have indeed been able to keep its appetite and anger at bay.

 

"This is why we serve him! This is why we venerate and feed it." Drekür further explained— "Because the realm remains ignorant, remains filled with hubris, without the Ungri the maw would punish once again. But next time his sacred bites shall be absolute, world-ending."

 

"The world sees us as mindless brutes… but we are zealous servants of the realms existence."

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Informant — Spuds @Turbo_Dog

Writer — Gharak’Yar @Gomoore

Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar

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There he sat, Upon his throne of riches and gore. The Great Drekür'Ungri, Aengul Slayer, Bane of Gazadriel, Father of Ologs. It was here he was read the Kaktuz Weekli and it was here where he oversaw the ritual sacrifice of several Elven descendants into the death sentence which was the MAW. A grin krept over his visage as the paper was read "Wi zerveh zoh dat dei kan liveh..." The beast emitted, for the first time appearing content

Edited by ThatDutchFellow
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King Patches of Babblebrook smiled as he read through the latest issue of the Kaktuz Weekli.

 

"Oh wonderful! Magnolia is in this issue and it's about her cheese! I should stock up on more cheese for a feast soon!"

 

The Musin king looked out the window to his little village below, and hummed a little tune.

 

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Viktoria af Brasca writes down the Hungry Hungry recipe to use for later, though she may modify it as needed. At least she finally knew a recipe approved by her allies that she can provide when they visit in Veletz!

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2 hours ago, tadabug2000 said:

Hungry Hungry

Hungry Ungri!!!

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