Burnsy

thank you for keeping us safe in these uncertain times

I enjoy the idea behind the magic; however, the writing is very confusing to work through. The history, ritual, and curse sections need some polishing because as they stand now, I have to keep going back to find out what I’m supposed to be understanding If you have to put in a “Key Takeaways” section, chances are your writing wasn’t clear enough. Something that needs to be written more concisely is the Progenitor Stone itself; why are there two other stones to go along with it? I could understand one other stone working with the Progenitor, but having two additional stones stretches the function of each too thin to justify their presence. Making the writing clearer and more concise in these sections, and you’ll have a much better history overall. A smaller criticism would be your formatting. The section on tiers is an example of poor formatting, as everything blends together. Make tiers/paragraphs distinct from one another. Aside from this, the post could look a bit neater overall. As for the subsequent sections (workings through the end), I get a much better sense of what the magic actually is. I enjoy the risk associated with protecting the stones and the idea of searching for artifacts to power up. The magic has a unique flavor and a lot of potential if revised. I would love to see more of this magic as it goes through the revision process.

Here’s an actual critique where I’ll be focusing solely on the writing and the function of runesmithing in a role play setting. Section 1: Runesmithing Basics I’ll be skipping “Using a Rune” as I see no issues with the three emote rule or how the runes can be activated and having nothing to add. Section 2: The Runes I’ll probably post the second part of my critique soon because I have a LOT to say about flesh runes and want to take the time to develop a proper argument. In my final comment I would like to address @ScreamingDingo. To a Story Writer, I would hope that the quality of writing would be the first and foremost aspect of any piece you critique. Unfortunately, that seems not to be the case in regards to your post. Why is the piece is easy denial? Surely you would take the time to point out actual flaws in the piece instead of insulting the author. You’ve detailed nothing of whats wrong with the actual lore and failed to make any suggestions of your own. If you wish to see someone else pick up the lore, which has been an opportunity for anyone to do, then why don’t you provide something of substance in your reply to incite the action you wish to see?