See ya (for now)

[Proddy 2415]

For these past few days I've had this overwhelming heaviness hanging over my heart. I haven't really been able to sum it all up properly into words or give any real concise explanation for why I feel so awful. It's not even something I really enjoy doing publicly but I've kind of been compelled because of recent events to do so. It's 3:30am right now and I can't sleep at all. My minds just clouded by this awful fog and if venting may help with it all then so be it, it's worth a try I guess.

 

So for those who don't know I've been caught up in an IC situation which has quickly turned into an OOC firestorm. I'm not mad about anything that's happened RPly - this is a game after all and I think taking it too harshly is futile. But the OOC of it all has been soul-crushing. I've lost friends - people who I'd VC and chat with all the time on a regular basis as well as effectively been blacklisted OOCly from a community I've been apart of for years.

 

Now, I've played LoTC on and off for quite a long time - since 2013. And the community has changed rapidly throughout all those years. In some aspects for the better and some quite the contrary. I've seen this sort of thing happen to countless people but I never really thought it could happen to me. And now that it has it's left me massively tired and weary with everything. It's just been an experience that's tore me down a lot mentally. I used to justify this sort of thing happening to people but now the shoe is on the other foot, I can relate with the people who share a similar story to me more than ever. It isn't a nice or healthy feeling at all and it's left me in such a precarious and melancholy state.

 

LoTC always has been for me a form of escapism - whenever I was bummed out by something in my personal life I could jump on the server and RP or go onto discord and talk with friends and feel a lot better than I did before. But right now whenever I even fire up discord I get this feeling of dread. And I don't think it's just because of stuff that's happened on here these past few weeks either - as much as that was the last straw, I think everything's been brewing for a little while. I've been sleeping at stupid hours - I'm constantly tired and lethargic. I've been neglecting my friends IRL to the point where I only have a few left. I feel distant from my own family who I live with. I've been neglecting my health both mentally and physically and I'm just tired. There's so much bad going on in the world and it's hard to find the strength to go on and find contentment most days rn. I've kind of caught myself up in a vicious cycle with everything and I've never really felt more lonely in my life than I do at the moment.

 

This all may seem really scatterbrained and not so cohesive but I think what I'm trying to say is I need a break. For myself and my own state of mind. It won't be indefinite... probably a few days or a few weeks I really don't know right now. I just know the old saying "if it isn't fun why do it?" and at this moment in time I'm not having fun or feel very welcome here at all.

 

I want to say thank you in particular to @Tiresiamand @Caranthir_for keeping my head above water with everything OOCly. Thank you to @Lionbiletifor being a homie as always and cheering me up in VC. And everyone else that's stuck by me OOC through everything and not turned to perceiving me as monstrous over IC actions. You all know who you are and I appreciate every single one you guys.

 

I think if I could say or give advice on one thing; don't resort to OOCly blacklisting from communities, don't follow mob mentalities and cliques when trying to decide your opinion on someone. Use your own perception and judgement, have conversations, don't be toxic. Remember that the person you're interacting with is a human with actual feelings and emotions. Leaving people feeling isolated and alienated on an OOC level in a community they come to to escape their brutal realities is such a harrowing thing. I think my take-away from everything that's happened is to just be better and more understanding with people.

 

And to everyone I let down or dissapointed with everything that's happened - I am sorry. I'm a failure and I readily accept it at this point.

[Suicidium 1295]

You've nothing to apologize on. 

You're a beloved member of the community and your friends here, actual ones, care for you. 

See you soon. If you are happy to return to a community that appreciates you. 

[Mannyy 982]

one of the best ppl i’ve met on the server, take your time man. catch ya on the flippity 😎

[winterblood 11181]

Always loved RPing with you and you're a cool guy to hang out with and chat in various channels with, so I felt really bad to see all of that stuff happen to you.  I wish I could have been able to do something to make it better, but all I can offer is my support.  You know I'll always be available and up for a chat, be it about this situation or anything else.  I got many memes to send!

 

Looking forward to seeing you come back and feeling excited to play the game again!  But, of course, don't feel rushed to return to the server.  Your own health and happiness matter more than this game.

 

<3

[Lhindir_ 3691]

I hate you proddy

(Call me)

[Slorbin 2932]

bye bye have a good day come back soon now bye bye smiles come back soon ya hear smiles grin to ear smiles *smiles* bye bye :) *smiles* bye see you later have fun, hope you get better soon

In all seriousness, no need to apologize for a break. A break from everything is well-needed sometimes.

[Werew0lf 24181]

who did this to my proddy 

[Tiresiam 462]

 

Vibe ever forward brother, failed nobody and I'm proud of u.

 

Edited March 23, 2021 by Tiresiam

[sergisala 3451]

At the end of the day just remember that this is Minecraft and whatever happens here doesn't matter much. And also, in regard with the people that I believe that you feel like you've disappointed them: don't worry, because nothing is ever irreversible and values like dedication and loyalty are things that can always be proven with time.  

 

Finally, if you ever feel bad for this or you need someone to talk or to cheer you up, send me a DM in Discord!

[Aengoth 2890]

race traitors man

 

 

jokes aside have a good one man and hope to see ya around again once you're back

[TJBMinecraft 821]

Keep your chin and head up high Proddy, i wish you well for the future. Stay safe my man. 

[Lord of Boars 556]

6 hours ago, sergisala said:

At the end of the day just remember that this is Minecraft and whatever happens here doesn't matter much. And also, in regard with the people that I believe that you feel like you've disappointed them: don't worry, because nothing is ever irreversible and values like dedication and loyalty are things that can always be proven with time.  

 

Finally, if you ever feel bad for this or you need someone to talk or to cheer you up, send me a DM in Discord!

 

"ahaha it's okay that you played a traitor It'll just be a stain on your name until you prove loyalty to Oran like me!!! dm me btw ;)" Completely missed the point. Man shan't have a poor reputation because he made a roleplay decision based on roleplay circumstances & a roleplay personality. 

[rukio 8924]

I learned my lesson about Orenians a long time ago. Well, in truth it is a far larger part of the server, but I've yet to see another playerbase who will so actively stomp on your skull then act sympathetic/not to blame when it causes you to break down/leave. That said, I'm sorry for everything you've gone through recently, I know the feeling all too well from Rubern. Just know that when you come back there are other playerbases that you can spend time with and learn to enjoy if Oren still doesn't feel right for you. Until then, enjoy life and know that at least you realized people's true colors now instead of later down the road. 

[MRCHENN 4741]

take care homie, do what you gotta do for your health, thats more important than the game

 

and feel free to pop into providence vc and hang out! you’re always welcome here

[Endovelicus 614]

Keep your chin up my guy no use suffering over mineman ****. Take a break, sort yourself out, return if you feel like it, most importantly go to the to the people in your life who love you. 

 

See you king