Josie_Exotic 451 Popular Post Share Posted April 25 (edited) WEE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND SAFETY ANNUAL INSPECTION REPORT Two health inspectors travelled across biggun realms to ensure compliance with the strict wee health codes. Health codes exist to prevent the spread of disease and miasma. Published here are the findings of our wee inspectors. Please consider these findings when drinking at your next local tavern. RANKING SYSTEM W- Wee Approved A- Absolutely Spotless B- Biggun Worthy C- Crusty D- Don't Go Here F- FILTHY HEALTH CODES AND REGULATIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS 1. CRITTERS- ESTABLISHMENTS SHOULD BE FREE OF ALL LIVESTOCK AND INFESTATION. IF ANIMALS (barring bigguns) ARE TO BE FOUND IN AN ESTABLISHMENT, MEASURES SHOULD BE TAKEN TO RID THEM TO COMPLY WITH HEALTH AND SAFETY REGULATION. 2. GENERAL CLEANLINESS A. DRINKS AND FOOD SHOULD BE PROPERLY STORED. FOOD SHOULD NOT BE LEFT OUT UNCOVERED OR IT MAY GO STALE AND YUCKY. FOOD LEFT OUT IN TAVERNS ATTRACTS CRITTERS AND CONTRIBUTES TO A LASTING MIASMA THAT WILL CAUSE DISEASE. B. COBWEBS AND DUST SHOULD BE ELIMINATED TO AVOID THE CLOGGED AIRWAYS AND POTENTIAL ILLNESS OF PATRONS. C. MEATS SHOULD BE STORED IN A FREEZER TO ELIMINATE POTENTIAL MIASMA. MEAT IS PARTICULARLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MIASMA, WHICH MAY SPREAD FASTER IN WARM AIR. D. COUNTERS, TABLES, AND ALL OTHER SURFACES SHOULD BE WIPED CLEAN. DIRTY TABLES ARE YUCKY. 3. FIRE SAFETY A. FIREPLACES SHOULD HAVE AN AIR VENT TO ELIMINATE SMOKE WITHIN AN ESTABLISHMENT. B. TO PREVENT FIRESPREAD, FIREPLACES SHOULD BE WELL SURROUNDED WITH FIRE-PROOF MATERIALS (NOT WOOD.) 4. PLANTS A. PLANTS SHOULD BE CONTAINED IN POTS TO PREVENT BUG INFESTATION. B. PLANTS THAT PRODUCE EXCESSIVE POLLEN SHOULD BE REMOVED. Health inspectors reserve the right to add additional point eliminations based on extenuating circumstances. Any establishment that has been ranked has been entitled to a posted sign, if so desired. HEALTH INSPECTION REPORTS The Fairweather Pub Spoiler The pub has stale food left out in the pouring rain. Spoiler The fireplace provides no protection from unsafe fire. Smoke builds in the hearth. Perhaps this is an error in building structure. Spoiler Rats climb along the bookshelves. Spiders build cobwebs by the staircase. A fox resides atop a counter. This pub is littered with critters. Spoiler RANK: D OLD Haense Tavern- SHUT DOWN DUE TO POOR HEALTH RATING Spoiler Uncovered drinks and food litter the dining area. Spoiler The fireplace is well-contained and has proper ventilation! Spoiler The kitchen has been cleaned and has a freezer to store meats! Spoiler A lone rat scurries across the floor! Spoiler The upper floors of the building have unrailed, dangerous holes. Spoiler RANK: D+ The Tipsy Tarchar (NEW "IMPROVED" AFTER SHUTDOWN) Spoiler The seat placement next to the dart board creates a safety hazard. Spoiler Drinks are left out in the open and unattended. Spoiler The fireplace exercises excellent fire safety. Spoiler RANK: B Da Hungry Howler Spoiler A pig resides in the dining area. The pig appears well-kept and does not touch countertops. Spoiler Tables are void of excess food or drink. Spoiler Excellent fire safety. Spoiler General Notes: Tavern appears well-kept. There is an absence of exposed food or drink. The building is structurally sound and lacks fire hazards. RANK: A The Bouncing Bokolo Spoiler Wood surrounding the fireplace is cause for fire safety concerns. Spoiler The grill is clean. Spoiler The kitchen is void of exposed food/drink. Spoiler The main fireplace abides by fire regulations. Spoiler RANK: B+ The Watanabe Teahouse Spoiler Extra points will be credited due to the proper standards of foot cleanliness. Spoiler Customers are left to eat off of the ground. The ground looks to be clean, though. This is weird, but not a violation. Spoiler The kitchen appears well-kept and void of fire hazards. Spoiler RANK: A Paddy's Pyre Spoiler Food is left out on the ground to mold and attract vermin. Spoiler The fireplace exhibits excellent fire safety. Spoiler Fish and meat are left out unattended/not given proper storage. Spoiler RANK: C+ The Drunker Delver Spoiler Rats climb about the cupboards! Spoiler Drinks are left unattended. Spoiler RANK: C+ Malna's Mayhem Spoiler Cleaned daily! Spoiler Clean counters. Spoiler Abides by fire safety protocol. Spoiler Proper designation of employee areas Spoiler Stores food safely! Spoiler RANK: WEE APPROVED The Grub Bucket Spoiler Filthy counters! Spoiler Fungus grows along floorboards. Spoiler Meats left out to rot. Spoiler HORRENDOUS FIRE HAZARD- Oil left out for patrons to fall into. The following content may be sensitive to some viewers. Spoiler RANK: F Amathine Tavern Spoiler Clean counters and floors Spoiler Fire safety hazards- Candles near curtains Spoiler Mediocre food storage Spoiler Excessive flora Spoiler Room for more table cleanliness. Spoiler RANK: C- WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTENT DEPICTS NUMEROUS WEE RIGHTS VIOLATIONS. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Norland Tavern Spoiler Upon visiting this tavern, my partner and I were berated by the biggun patrons. Not only were they uncooperative, but they held Phineas at knifepoint. Their failure to cooperate leaves us with the question of what filth lurks beyond their kitchen door. It is advised that due to the aggressive tendencies of the biggun patrons of this tavern, all wee refrain from visiting. - Jo Peregrin A young biggun is left unattended and trying to touch patrons. HORRIFICALLY UNSANITARY! Spoiler RANK: F FAILURE TO COMPLY DANGER TO THE WEE Haulun'or Tavern Spoiler Excessive flora Spoiler Food left out to rot Spoiler Livestock in the kitchen! A goat is chained to the fire! POSSIBLE ANIMAL CRUELTY. VIEW WITH CAUTION. Spoiler Sound fire safety in opposite fireplace. Spoiler A HALFLING PRISONER IS HELD ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF THIS TAVERN. HIS NAME IS JERRY AND THEY HAVE TAKEN BOTH HIS FAMILY NAME AND HIS RIGHTS TO SPEECH. FOLLOWING IMAGERY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. Spoiler RANK: F WEE RIGHTS VIOLATIONS FREE THE WEE JERRY Due to the necessity of health and safety throughout the realms, the Wee Department of Health and Safety is willing to re-review any tavern that expresses willing improvement. For a second chance, please contact Phineas Overhill-Weedsnatcher ((Hnan_T)) or Jo Peregrin ((josie_exotic)). Documentation of Jerry has been passed to the Wee Bureau of Investigations and will be handled promptly. If you or a friend have any information about the wee fellow, please alert your nearest Halfling Authorities. Edited April 25 by Josie_Exotic 59 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demented_Delila 1142 Share Posted April 25 Rossiel Marsyr, who works for the Paddy's Pyre part time, squints at the document, scratching her head in thought. "I'm pretty sure that this counts as breaking and entering if you got into our kitchen- where our meat and fish is stored, and is being actively used? It's not unattended, you broke into our kitchen. And if there's food on the ground, it means someone dropped it recently." The Marsyr, who is a full-time Radiant Guard Ranger, goes to find a superior officer to report the breaking and entering to! 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunan_EXE 60 Share Posted April 25 Estel Anarórë, the dedicated aunt-figure of Norland, sat lone at her desk. She swiped a hand across the tabletop's wooden surface in an attempt to clear some space between the piles of papers and books, before setting down a copy of the 'hygiene report' in front of her. " 'Norlandic tavern, uncooperative, held at knifepoint?' " She groaned, thinking back to the day the 'health inspectors' had arrived. It was in this moment she wished to slam her head against a wall, as she began to complain to herself. "The two had wandered into the tavern and demanded access to our kitchen - we didn't let them in. They showed no certification of their knowledge, nor did they have any proof of being hygienic themselves. After much argument, when they realised we weren't goin' to let them into our kitchen, they began to throw around stereotypes and insults towards our citizens, and refused to leave when asked. Any violent actions were a result of their crude behaviour." Estel released a sigh, feeling a stress-induced headache coming within the near future. For a moment, she considered taking a break by going to her farm.. Unfortunately for her, her farm is less than a minute's walk from the halfling village, as Cyris had given the land to her years prior. "These 'health inspectors' entered knowin' nothing of Norland or her people, and continued to fuss and throw insults when they did not get their way. The interaction escalated because they escalated it." ... "Also, that child was being watched over. He is within my family." And there came the headache. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
wowj 2868 Share Posted April 25 1 hour ago, Josie_Exotic said: The Grub Bucket [!] A letter finds its way to the Halfling Health Inspectors. "We are so sorry that you did not have the Class A experience that the Grub-Bucket ordinarily offers. While Head Chef Bata has been on sabbatical in the Yokai realm, he has agreed to return briefly to remedy this horrific stain on our honor. We request that you, most honorable Wagyu-Inspectors, return for a special meal! The Grub-Bucket would love to have you for dinner!" -Bata of Ugokoyama, Head Chef of Grub-Bucket 24 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
D3F4LT 623 Share Posted April 25 t'ats a grudgin! Insulted oor tavern, cannae let t'at sloide!"Thumbrindal stated in anger. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
satinkira 5986 Share Posted April 25 1 hour ago, Lunan_EXE said: Estel Anarórë, the dedicated aunt-figure of Norland, sat lone at her desk. She swiped a hand across the tabletop's wooden surface in an attempt to clear some space between the piles of papers and books, before setting down a copy of the 'hygiene report' in front of her. " 'Norlandic tavern, uncooperative, held at knifepoint?' " She groaned, thinking back to the day the 'health inspectors' had arrived. It was in this moment she wished to slam her head against a wall, as she began to complain to herself. "The two had wandered into the tavern and demanded access to our kitchen - we didn't let them in. They showed no certification of their knowledge, nor did they have any proof of being hygienic themselves. After much argument, when they realised we weren't goin' to let them into our kitchen, they began to throw around stereotypes and insults towards our citizens, and refused to leave when asked. Any violent actions were a result of their crude behaviour." Estel released a sigh, feeling a stress-induced headache coming within the near future. For a moment, she considered taking a break by going to her farm.. Unfortunately for her, her farm is less than a minute's walk from the halfling village, as Cyris had given the land to her years prior. "These 'health inspectors' entered knowin' nothing of Norland or her people, and continued to fuss and throw insults when they did not get their way. The interaction escalated because they escalated it." ... "Also, that child was being watched over. He is within my family." And there came the headache. A local peasant named Leweth wanders by, stopping and squinting at the seemingly schizophrenic Estel before turning away and muttering a warning to his family about insane people who talk to themselves - he refers to it as 'the seventh stage of madness'. He then looks back to Estel with a beffudled expression (reference below). 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunan_EXE 60 Share Posted April 25 (edited) (in response to satinkira's message, forums are fucked, fml) Estel has no clue of this interaction, as her study (with her desk) is inside her home with no windows. Few people would be able to hear her complaint, nobody would be able to hear from outside.Maybe Leweth is imagining things. Edited April 25 by Lunan_EXE 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnusualBrit 2064 Share Posted April 25 “A c-. What the feck.” Narvi swore in anger. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elennanore 2824 Share Posted April 25 "They're right, Norland is a danger to the wee folk." The High Keeper ponders her orb, musing over how flammable wee-men are. 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonish_Imp 145 Share Posted April 25 Akemi inflated with pride. She pinned the ranking within the Watanabe Tea House kitchen, and made sure the Celia'nor edition was up to code!!! "Good job, Mei." 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
satinkira 5986 Share Posted April 25 3 hours ago, Lunan_EXE said: Maybe Leweth is imagining things. Perchance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
VoidTermnia 276 Share Posted April 25 "Huh.. Norland's always been nice to me." Moth of Babblebrook mused. "I'll have to go check it out sometime. Maybe the bigguns were just in a bad mood." They guessed, the musin packing up to pay a visit to Norland. A sprite, who had somehow stumbled across the paper, let out a gleeful "Malala!" It zoomed off to go show Ar-Malna that she was in the paper. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunnic 351 Share Posted April 25 Atthil Frostbeard drank the moonshine he had made in his bathtub earlier that day - "These wee folk sure are strict with their regulations" Spoiler I love this, it made me chuckle. Kudos to the halfling health department! 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jihyunah 209 Share Posted April 25 Coming across the health inspection document NAOISE O'ROURKE whose mother and family owned Paddy's Pyre scoffed at the rating, her lips drawing into a thin line. "Mother is not going to like this at all. . . Wait, how did they ever get into the kitchen?" 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrFong 61 Share Posted April 25 Knave of Babblebrook began taking vigorous notes about health codes. If they are inspecting taverns, maybe fast-food is next and we keep our Mush-Burger Palace Mush-Burger Patties in a soggy wooden box on the floor. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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