Burnsy
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Everything posted by Burnsy
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Alright, we put up the pride flag for you guys so buy the ******* VIP packs.
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thank you for keeping us safe in these uncertain times
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I enjoy the idea behind the magic; however, the writing is very confusing to work through. The history, ritual, and curse sections need some polishing because as they stand now, I have to keep going back to find out what I’m supposed to be understanding If you have to put in a “Key Takeaways” section, chances are your writing wasn’t clear enough. Something that needs to be written more concisely is the Progenitor Stone itself; why are there two other stones to go along with it? I could understand one other stone working with the Progenitor, but having two additional stones stretches the function of each too thin to justify their presence. Making the writing clearer and more concise in these sections, and you’ll have a much better history overall. A smaller criticism would be your formatting. The section on tiers is an example of poor formatting, as everything blends together. Make tiers/paragraphs distinct from one another. Aside from this, the post could look a bit neater overall. As for the subsequent sections (workings through the end), I get a much better sense of what the magic actually is. I enjoy the risk associated with protecting the stones and the idea of searching for artifacts to power up. The magic has a unique flavor and a lot of potential if revised. I would love to see more of this magic as it goes through the revision process.
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Here’s an actual critique where I’ll be focusing solely on the writing and the function of runesmithing in a role play setting. Section 1: Runesmithing Basics I’ll be skipping “Using a Rune” as I see no issues with the three emote rule or how the runes can be activated and having nothing to add. Section 2: The Runes I’ll probably post the second part of my critique soon because I have a LOT to say about flesh runes and want to take the time to develop a proper argument. In my final comment I would like to address @ScreamingDingo. To a Story Writer, I would hope that the quality of writing would be the first and foremost aspect of any piece you critique. Unfortunately, that seems not to be the case in regards to your post. Why is the piece is easy denial? Surely you would take the time to point out actual flaws in the piece instead of insulting the author. You’ve detailed nothing of whats wrong with the actual lore and failed to make any suggestions of your own. If you wish to see someone else pick up the lore, which has been an opportunity for anyone to do, then why don’t you provide something of substance in your reply to incite the action you wish to see?
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“See yeh in fifteen years den’.”
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“Remembeh when teh dwed o’ Kal’Varoth ‘anded Atandt teh election due teh not callin’ out teh farse dat were teh election laws? Meh too. If ah youngeh dwed should rule, get em teh run. Gimleh n’ Atandt was ah no win situation.” Ulhart sighs, waving off another piece of rhetoric that accomplishes absolutely nothing.
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Election for the Under-King of Urguan
Burnsy replied to Josh3738's topic in Arcas Dwarven RP Archive
MC Name: Burnsy__ RP Name: Ulhart Grandaxe Dwelling: Kal’Varoth Candidate: Gimli Grandaxe -
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Make me an admin, I couldn’t possibly do a worse job then what’s already being done. Here is my campaign promise: I’ll actually ******* respond to your messages.
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@JokerLow Ah, but I do not see a better alternative to the current situation.
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Yes Telanir, the current setup is obviously not working. Lets try not creating overly centralized power.
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((Kjell wasn’t the leader, but RP from him in the past was used for the offensive. My character, Ulhart Grandaxe, called the offensive.))
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Salutations
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Just another 300 hours of your life for Mynebor 3 buddy, can’t wait to see what build and franchise you parody for your next city.
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This time it will be made with the sole purpose of exacting Balrog's revenge. @Burnsy
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3 hours ago, Medvekoma said:
@Burnsy Man you do realise this is a player that was part of Agnarum, a player that has skill, leadership and a sense of independence in him? Y’all lost the dude just random to your shenanigans and now you are bullying him into either leaving the server or being unable to do anything.
Literally the reason why people hate Urguan and why y’all will never have newcomers to your leadership.
He is wrenik, but just knows more English. Change my mind.
2 hours ago, J33xt101 said:This time it will be made with the sole purpose of exacting Balrog's revenge. @Burnsy
Oh good, Balrog III who is no different than the other two. Cookie cutter characters are so fun.
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This is a little late, but had you even bothered to get to know either of my chars, you would have realized that they were extremely different.
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If I can, I’ll make a mark on stuff. Even if said “stuff” is giving out far too many WPs. @Burnsy
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