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Porkour.

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Status Updates posted by Porkour.

  1. Porkour.

    What kind of dinosaur is Yoshi?

    1. Lark

      Lark

      A yoshi.

    2. Heff

      Heff

      A t-REX?

    3. Major Tom

      Major Tom

      A Namekian

  2. Porkour.

    Most Australians carry a wombat with them in the pouch of their riding kangaroo, just in case.

    1. Raptorious

      Raptorious

      .

    2. 3andD

      3andD

      .

    3. Samsan99

      Samsan99

      Yes the wombat makes quick work of the damned drop bears!

  3. Porkour.

    Everything in life is less enjoyable if you have to pee.

    1. Swgrclan

      Swgrclan

      wise words

    2. Shadeleaf

      Shadeleaf

      Thanks for reminding me... thanks a ton.

  4. Porkour.

    I'd rather sit naked on an iceberg serenaded by Rebecca Black for the rest of my life than let anyone see the full history of things I've googled.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. nordicg_d

      nordicg_d

      furries

    3. V0idsoldier

      V0idsoldier

      -hax the pig to see history- wow, much pron. such dirty. Very not clean

    4. Will (TauFirewarrior)

      Will (TauFirewarrior)

      Pig porn?

  5. Porkour.

    T-Rex's were only angry and aggressive because their arms weren't long enough to hug one another.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Haelphon

      Haelphon

      #nolove

    3. aron.

      aron.

      #SaveT-rex

    4. Bakerismaxamis

      Bakerismaxamis

      Lawl.

  6. Porkour.

    Studying to be an Oracle PL/SQL Development Certified Associate or OCA.

    1. Devin~

      Devin~

      Awesome, Good luck

  7. Porkour.

    Facebook is going to start making high school reunions really awkward. "John! I haven't seen you in ten years! Wow, what have you been up to since that nap you took at 3 o'clock this afternoon?"

  8. Porkour.

    When your significant other asks you to take them somewhere expensive for your anniversary, take them to the gas station and lament about how expensive gas has gotten.

    1. Steampunk Alchemist

      Steampunk Alchemist

      I smell... GENIUS!

  9. Porkour.

    Dora the Explorer is nearsighted. If it is not within 30 feet, Dora can't see it.

    1. Free The Hobbits

      Free The Hobbits

      Sounds like me except replace 30 with 5

  10. Porkour.

    Always keep a doughnut in your vehicle to bribe police officers just in case you're pulled over.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Ned Lud

      Ned Lud

      Fling them out the window during the police chase.

    3. Kaun

      Kaun

      -watches popo turn into hoovies after sandviches-

    4. 3VN

      3VN

  11. Porkour.

    Babies are not dishwasher safe.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. NomadGaia

      NomadGaia

      They aren't?! *Takes baby out of the dishwasher

    3. Porkour.

      Porkour.

      *looks at shirt baby wears* "It says its machine washable, tumble dry"

    4. Maletone Blazebeard (Aqua)

      Maletone Blazebeard (Aqua)

      *looks at self "It may not be dishwasher safe but it sure as hell is machine was safe! -sets dial to speed wash-

  12. Porkour.

    Volkswagen invented the Beetle so people could have an excuse to punch strangers.

  13. Porkour.

    The way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach. It's through his chest with a sharp object.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Lark

      Lark

      The way to a Lark's heart is a gift of iron and some cake.

    3. Braxis

      Braxis

      The Ways to Uthor is Ale, Food, Fighting, and wife

    4. Redbaron™

      Redbaron™

      Fight me Uthor, everyone knows you paid Lion to shoot me so Uthor didn't die ;)

  14. Porkour.

    When you see pigs fly it means Windows has become open source

    1. Shorsand

      Shorsand

      Oh, I get it. Because your name has 'pork' in it, right?

  15. Porkour.

    FACT: For blind people it's always a blind date.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Nefarious Aus Shitpost

      Nefarious Aus Shitpost

      How do blind people even know they exist?

    3. ARCHITECUS

      ARCHITECUS

      They can feel and smell and taste and hear themselves bub

    4. saromon50

      saromon50

      I too taste myself when I doubt my existence.

  16. Porkour.

    TO DO: Become a teacher. Write a test in which all the answers are "Violence."

    1. Norman

      Norman

      Crap, I should've studied for this multiple choice test! I can't choose between 'violence' or 'violence' for question two!

    2. Dyn

      Dyn

      *Looks around, deciding to go the Joker route as he slams a kid's head into a pencil, taking the kid's test and pencil before cheating*

  17. Porkour.

    When out on a picnic, spray your food with bug spray so the bugs stay away.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Temp

      Temp

      Mm Mm Food poisoning. Can't get enough.

    3. LPT

      LPT

      Finally, I'm not the only one.

    4. WuHanXianShi14

      WuHanXianShi14

      To be fair temp it wouldnt be the FOOD that'd kill you..

  18. Porkour.

    oink

    1. lemontide331

      lemontide331

      oink

    2. ~≈Panda≈~

      ~≈Panda≈~

      Moo.

  19. Porkour.

    When the little white packet says "DO NOT EAT!" it only means the wrapper.

  20. Porkour.

    My parents are the type of people that try things once to see if they like it. I'm an only child... I really am.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. craotor

      craotor

      You probably an acident

    3. Enyahs V.

      Enyahs V.

      Just imagine how you were made if that is the case...Infact...No probably not for the best now that I think about it. -scarred for life-

    4. ~TheDerpyBeagle~

      ~TheDerpyBeagle~

      LOL

  21. Porkour.

    ʇno ʇı ʎɹp oʇ sǝʇnuıɯ ɟo ǝןdnoɔ ɐ ɹoɟ ʇı buıʌɐʍoɹɔıɯ ʎɹʇ 'doʇdɐן ɹo ǝuoɥd ɹnoʎ oʇuo ɹǝʇɐʍ ןןıds noʎ ɟı

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Secret Lizard President

      Secret Lizard President

      I'm not sure it's the best idea to spill water on your phone or laptop in the first place, but you certainly shouldn't microwave it to dry it out.

    3. ACanadianCraft (Nate)

      ACanadianCraft (Nate)

      I could read it without turning my laptop over :p

    4. Weeberlore(Seardrick)

      Weeberlore(Seardrick)

      ^^ Ditto

  22. Porkour.

    If somebody is lying on the floor in pain, crying, and you have a cell phone, lodging the phone in their throat will often stop the crying.

    1. Goldd

      Goldd

      lol...

    2. Glasiconas

      Glasiconas

      I... Never looked at it that way, but good point.

  23. Porkour.

    Every classroom has one insanely attractive, super popular kid that everyone loves. If you can't tell who it is, it's still not you.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. hypercrit

      hypercrit

      Being popular is too mainstream.

    3. Pum!

      Pum!

      Well... I don't think anybody knows that person in the classroom but me. I must be that person!~

    4. Yoff

      Yoff

      I'm best friends with that person.

  24. Porkour.

    What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

    1. Taiga

      Taiga

      For that, there's MasterCard, for all your butchering supplies! >:3

    2. Free The Hobbits

      Free The Hobbits

      *hiss* your jokes are bad and you should feel bad!

    3. Mingpow321

      Mingpow321

      Porkour, I love you.

  25. Porkour.

    One pig to rule them all...

    1. Glaran

      Glaran

      *Thumbs up*

    2. Samoblivion

      Samoblivion

      One pig to find them...

    3. cometking123

      cometking123

      and in the darkness bind them.

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